I might have to start paying someone to come over and help me shower from now on. It’s that damn 30 Day Shred
It all started on Twitter. I kept hearing about the shred and how it was like the best thing since sliced Jesus, and figured that if people had such a hardon for it, it must be worth checking out. Fast forward to me at Target, buying the DVD, a pair of 5 pound weights, and a jar of Disney Princess gummy vitamins (WHAT? A GIRL CAN ONLY STAY FOCUSED AT TARGET FOR SO LONG).
After the purchase, I put off actually starting the shred for three full days because 1) the thrill of buying it made me happy enough that I didn’t feel the need to actually do it (fucked up, I know), and 2) I was terrified. I mean, shredding is what you do to credit card statements (assuming you’re an environmental douchebag who still hasn’t switched entirely to online banking) and not something that the human body should experience.
And now, with the first 20 minute session behind me, I can safely report that I was RIGHT and that shredding is neither fun nor easy. Everyone who said “oh level one isn’t that hard” can suck my tiny, quivering biceps. Throughout the entire workout Jillian Michaels was all “you can’t take a break during a 20 minute workout you PUSSY” and I was like, “EXCUSE ME BUT I CAN’T BREATHE” and she was all “BREATHING IS FOR THE WEAK” and I was like, “HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU SORT OF LOOK LIKE A MALE HORSE?”
Because here’s the thing: 20 minutes isn’t a long time if, say, Zac Efron is giving you a lap dance while you’re eating macaroni and cheese, but it’s a really long fucking time to NOT BE GETTING ENOUGH OXYGEN.
But, oxygen intake aside, I do feel insanely confident that the 30 Day Shred
will lead to one of two things, either I’ll be in the best shape of my life, or I’ll die.
Nothing in between.
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
Now, this is really inspiring me to get on board. I've been putting it off for a while, but I went to a pilates class last night, and was mortified to find myself in such awful shape. That said, it is much harder to be out of shape when you're out in front of people than when you're in your house being screamed at by Jillian.
Yay! I'm so glad you've joined the cult, er, I mean, decided to do The Shred! *I* didn't die, so you won't either. There is a fine line between FEELING like you'll die, WANTING to die, and ACTUALLY dying. It's microscopic at times, but it *is* there.
GOOD LUCK!
And, you should find it helpful that, during the punches, Jillian's head is right there…
Haha I had to take time off work to recover from insane jillian and her 20 minutes of torture, that’s how big a wimp I am. It gets better though I promise!
At least you were smart and went with the 5 pound weights. i was the IDIOT who started with 8 pounds because that's what I had around the house. Oh my poor poor arms. Though I must say the second time is much easier than the first because now you actually know how long the sets are so don't feel so much like oh my god this is never going to end and I'm going to die and drop these weights on my face
I've had the Shred from Netflix for the last month and have not had the courage to PUT IT IN THE DVD PLAYER. I commend you for your stalwart commitment to rocking abs and not laughing at horseface. Also- I'm now moved to maybe try this tomorrow morning…
5 pounds? Jesus, I started with 3 and felt like I was going to die. And I'm a guy!
It's funny you say she looks like a male horse – my wife walked in on my workout this morning (I don't like people watching me, yeah, it's weird) and told me Jillian was a butter face. *laugh*
haha yeah the shred is just way too intimidating to me. i think i'll stick to the wii fit instead.
I LOVE the Shred. I'm finally starting Level 2 today. Yippee! The best thing is you know it's only 20 minutes, so it makes it easier to do your best!
Oh man haha. My upper body is ok, but my calves are KILLING ME! And I'm on Day 3. I got the three pound weights though, cause I knew I wouldn't be able to handle 5. And yes, I too want to punch Jillian in the face about every 2 minutes or so.
Hahahaha. I should tell you that I've successfully completed 30 days of the 30-day shred and am yet to die, so you'll probably just be in the best shape of your life.
Level 1 seems hard now, but it will get easy. Level 3 is the hardest but it's also the FUNNEST! I'm actually excited to do it tomorrow morning! Ha. Also, Jillian annoys the hell out of me so she goes on mute and I put music on. Probably a good idea to listen to her your first time through though!
5 pounders on your first time? You're brave! I work out 5 times a week and I still only used 3 pounders for most of the shoulder moves.
yeah… i'm going to go with a big fat no on the shred. but i will take a lap dance from zac efron. is that even legal? how old is he?
I honestly think Jillian Michaels is mentally unstable. Have you watched her on The Biggest Loser? I'm usually sitting eating cookies, and I start to feel sore watching her work these people out.
So, I'm kind of intrigued but also okay w/the routine I've been doing.. but still intrigued?
Hm.. maybe I'll try it soon.
It's gets better. And losing 12 post partum pounds a full size after a month for 20 minutes a day? Completely worth it!
Ha ha she DOES have a horse face!!!
Dude, I didn't even get through Level 1! I felt like I was literally going to DIE.
Um, good luck…and if it works send me that DVD.
I've been wanting to try it, or something like it, but my hip has been out of whack since a botched spinal tap (ew, I know). I might have to just jump in and do it anyway, because this whole sitting at a computer all day, every day has pretty much destroyed any fitness!
Oh this will be good. I can't wait to hear if it just keeps getting worse or if just day one was the worst. Either way…now I'm kinda tempted….
use soup cans or water bottles for the first half of level one. your muscles will thank you.
it will get easier around the halfway point of level one. level two killed me.
you totally motivated me to pull out my dvd and give it another go. I bought it months ago and did it all of once.
best thing since sliced jesus.. that's awesome. i may have to drop that into a casual conversation.
I was totally going to comment on the sliced jesus also – I fully snorted when I read that. So glad I wasn't in public. Hliarious. Oh and I'm stealing it too.
I have been wanting to try the shred but am terrified. I just need to suck it up and buy it. Keep updating – so interested to see how you like it.
I have GOT to check this out! And I mean by check out, rent, sit on my couch and watch, and read more about it on here
there will be no shredding in my living room 
I'm new here, but you had me at the part where you said Jillian looks like a male horse. Even still, I love/fear her. I'll absolutely be back to read and laugh.
–your newest fan
HA! I can't wait to try that! And by "that" I clearly mean the lapdance from Zac Efron while eating mac and cheese.
…
Is it hot in here?
Hahaha, this post cracked me up!!! You definitely have to let us know how you get on with it . . . if you live to tell the tale, that is!!!
Oh yikes. This post make me not want to workout, but it does make me want to eat mac and cheese and stalk zac efron.
mmmm…zac efron lap dance and mac and cheese.
heaven.
I have *no* idea what the shred is, but it sounds frightening to look into! lol
I just started, too! Hang in there… I hear it's totally worth it (although my achy arms aren't so sure).
30 Day Shred is part of the reason I was able to lose 10 pounds in one month. It is freakin AWESOME. And after awhile I got so hooked cause I felt like no other workout kicked my ass quite as much.
If you have On Demand from Comcast, 30 Day Shred and other Jillian Michaels workout videos are free in the exercise section. Good luck!
i feel your pain, i do! tomorrow is day 30 for me and it's STILL HARD TO BREATHE. but i think it's been worth it and i plan on keeping up with it even after the 30 days is up. hope you have success with it!
I just did my first day of Level 2 on Saturday, and I'm still trying not to cry today. Squats, lunges, planks – Jillian loves them all, and yells at you to love them, too.
I think I'll take Casual Perfectionist's advice about imaging Jillian's face when I'm punching … and crying …
And you're a wonderful reason why I won't do the Shred.
I will continue to eat my brownies and ice cream, and exercise by watching other people exercise.
OH my God! I only eat the Flintstone's Gummy Vitamins. All of my friends make fun of me, but they seriously work, because if I'm starving in the morning, chewing two gummies doesn't seem so bad. As opposed to those awful One a Days which make me sick.
"sliced Jesus" –Greatness. Your blog continually makes me laugh out loud. Good work!
Okay…I keep hearing about this 30 day shred. I just find myself being SO wimpy when I work out at home and no one is watching me. If I'm at the gym I'll kick my own ass, but a DVD at home…Hm. Do you have to be SUPER motivated to make it hurt when you work out on your own?!?!