A weird thing has happened since I started blogging (and Twittering, and Facebooking, and all the other networks-ing). I’ve forgotten how to deal with things quietly and on my own.
It used to be, something would happen and I would think about it for a while. I’d process it and decide what to do about it. And then I’d let other people in.
Now though? Now it’s like I can’t get really excited about the good things, can’t start to deal with the bad things, until someone else knows about them. Something happens and my first instinct is to pull out my phone. To text, to tweet, to let everyone know that “UM, HEY! THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME.”
And sometimes it’s wonderful. Sometimes the support and the ability to lean on hundreds of people, get advice, share stories, reach out- sometimes that’s everything. But other times, I realize that I’ve forgotten how to be my own best friend. I’ve become less able to talk myself off the ledge. More connected, and yet, more lonely.
There’s this constantly updated stream of instant communication going on out there. All the time. And I often think about how much of it is just noise. I update my Facebook status about the delicious turkey sandwich I had for lunch and I realize that, uh, NO ONE GIVES A FLYING HORSE VAGINA ABOUT MY LUNCH and that I should maybe just shut the fuck up already.
And then I wonder if social media and the explosion of life online has made us feel that we’re more important than we really are. Are we giving up too much of our privacy? How much is too much? Where is the good/bad line when it comes to transparency? What are the consequences of posting things we can’t ever take back?
I often hear people talk about their “real lives” in comparison to their “blog lives.” It isn’t so with me. Because of the type of blog I have, because I write about my sex and my mood swings and my mother and my quarter life crisis in a way that is very much linked to my “real life,” the line has blurred.
And yet I still feel the need to set boundaries, however superfluous they might be, because if you don’t set personal boundaries and emotional limits, how will you know where you end and others begin?
Which is why I don’t blog about the men in my life. I’ve chosen dating and love as my forbidden topic, at least while the stories and the feelings are still current, because I have to have something that’s just mine.
So be on the lookout, because the first blog post I write about a man will probably be followed up by a second blog post entitled, “so, um, I eloped yesterday,” and the blurry line between my real life and my blog life will be totally erased. And then, well, and then you’ll really be in for a wild, over-sharing ride.
Posted in: life 2.0
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
AND how. Sometimes I feel like I should be more interactive online, but when it comes down to it, I'd rather not and I'm finally learning that that's okay because that's what's best for me.
did i miss something? is there are guy? are you eloping? FUCKING CALL ME WILL YOU!? god damn.
Haha noooo, I'm not eloping. Don't fret, my dear. I was just saying. You know, hypothetically.
Look to your list, if those things you really want to accomplish in your life, then just do what’s needed to get there. Most of those things on your list involve other people directly or indirectly-this means that in order to reach the goals you’ve set you must connect with people. Through sharing your life, you become vulnerable and through your vulnerability you become magnetic. BUT do it your way on your terms otherwise, you won’t be settled within yourself.
Is this your way of telling us you're about to elope???
I totally know what you mean though, everytime I'm annoyed about something I whip out my phone, log onto facebook and RANT about it for the whole world (or all my facebook friends) to see. Then I regret it and end up deleting it…
horse vagina! (this will be my new curse phrase/exclamation thingy)
I updated my Facebook yesterday to let everyone know that my socks matched my shirt yesterday. And once about how much I love cold spaghetti. So it gets worse than turkey sandwiches. True story though, one does wonder where the draw the line. My forbidden topic was formerly horse vaginas, but you've blown the lid right off of that one!
I totally agree…I constantly think OMG I NEED TO TWEET THIS and its really sad, but its kinda become a way of life..
I love when you say horse's vagina. And yes yes and YES to all of this. I've said it before, but I'll reiterate… "I don't have some separate Blog Life. I have my real life, and in it, I happen to also be blogger [among many, many other things]."
And the other cool thing? We have this awesome in-between stage between processing things ourselves and sharing them with the world – friends. You've always got me to be your sounding board, you know this
I love that you over-share. And that I've been reading your blog for 2 years now.
I completely agree. I don't do it so much on FB as I do on Twitter. I always ask myself "do people REALLY want to know what color my panties are?" but then I tweet it anyway.
More importantly– there's nothing wrong with oversharing!
Also, awesome blog.
This is SO APPROPRIATE for me right now. While I sit here and regret last night's twitter outburst from not being able to deal with my anger quietly, I enjoy reading about boundaries and thinking about how I should have some. Sigh.
Yeah, I never blog about the men in my life because I think those experiences don't belong to only me, you know? I'm giving somebody else's stuff to the internet, and I don't think that's fair, even if its anonymous.
I totally agree with you about the blurry line- and it's hard to explain to people who don't blog that while you write about corners of yourself you can't ever articulate all of it. But I agree. There is a healthy dose of narcissism in all of what we write- but working hard to stay humble and keep one on one relationships with readers really helps me. Mister is my topic that I really tread lightly around. I'm all for putting me out there, but for putting the person I'm with out there I have much tighter security.
And when you announce that you're eloping, it had better be with me. Just for the record!
I'm with you 100% on the blurry line piece. I don't have a "blog life" and a "real life". I just have my life, and I choose to write about it. Maybe I share too much (vagina-cameras, anybody?), and maybe I'm a little narcissistic…but the best writers are. Still, what keeps me sharing and over-sharing are the relationships I've been able to build with people like you!
Yeah I was burned before after tweeting my feelings so I keep my mouth shut. Even though I sometimes want to tweet, "hey this dbag next to me whose Twitter handle is @inserthandle is a total tool and I want to punch him in the face." Apparently work frowns on that
It is kinda sorta crazy how blurred the line can become, especially since you're apt to find a bunch of freaking fabulous people (mostly ladies, but whatever) that you become friends with. It's like, oh…these friends are people I'm not sharing as much with but I wish I could so maybe I will.
If that made ANY sense at all.
oh wow. brilliant. i know for myself i always need to calm down whenever i feel the urge to pull out my camera for the sake of a facebook album, or immediately think something is blog or tweet worthy. eek. haha.
I over-share. But there are some topics that are all mine. I think all that's important is that you're comfortable. So if you're comfortable talking about things, talk about them. If you're not, don't. And if you ever write something and post it and then think, "OH HOLY SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?" there's always that little delete button.
I don't really blog about my family. They are pretty much off-limits. I blog about things that I do, things I'm thinking about or experiencing. But if I have a fight with my mom or if my dad says something embarrassing or if they tell me something about my brother, I don't blog that. It's nobody's business and it doesn't help anyone. I will blog about activities that we do together, such as when my dad came to visit and we went to a play. I also do the same for my boyfriend and friends. Personal, insider information is not to be shared, because it's rude and I don't have permission to share personal info with strangers. I would hate for my blog to ruin friendships.
However, if I want to blog or tweet the stupid things that *I* do or what color panties I'm wearing (not that I would…) then that's fine with me. I freely admit all the times I feel lost or confused or frustrated.
But I wouldn't make a spectacle of someone who didn't agree to it. I just think it's mean.
you can blog about us. I'm fine with it.
Really.
this is such a great post. I've had many conversations with people on this topic lately and even just inside my own head- thinking about how on one hand I'm very open on just about anything (blog life), but in real life I feel completely shy sometimes and would never talk about some things. hmm… idk. oh and the huge problem with being so connected is once I feel any extreme emotion- I'm immediately on twitter/blog/occasionally facebook updating it. very bad for when I'm upset and ranting. lines are definitely blurred though. I dont know where Blog Amy begins and Real Life Amy begins. And when things happen, I'm always thinking "oh! how can I turn this into a fun post?"
but my question for you- what about when bloggers meet in real life??? what then? more blurry lines or having this amazing thing of blogging in common?
I wrote about this the other day: http://maryisawesome.com/2009/10/21/sharing-infor…
For me personally I share a lot. When I've met people who read my blog they know a lot about me that some of my close friends don't even know sometimes. Boundaries can be fuzzy and sometimes I forget that I even set them, I just want to share what I've been thinking or what I did with someone, forgetting that the online audience can be pretty big. My blog life and my real life are pretty much one and the same.
for the love a horse's vagina, i can about what you ate for lunch
Ahhh, the age old (well, our age old) question of "to connect or not to connect". I struggle with this a lot, especially as a new blogger. I just remember that no matter how simple and insignificant a post, you touch someone. FB, Twitter, or blogs reach people. They may just bring a smile, but they connect us all together. I totally see your point and you bring up GREAT points to ponder. We could all do good to step back a little, but I think as long as you keep what makes you, "you" to yourself and those closest…then it can't hurt to put a little more of yourself out there to inspire.
Wait a minute, are you eloping!?!?! I want to be there =) Okay, with all seriousness, I know what you mean. My blog started out as a dating blog/relationship blog so it's always kind of stayed that way but I don't write about sex (at least often as my mom reads, and even though she knows, well, that would be odd), I don't write about fights and I don't write about things I need to think on. At least I try not too. Vague references? Sure, why not, but that's about it. I know exactly what you mean though because lately, I've had a huge change in my life as you know and apart from sharing with a few key people, I've not written about it publically and I'm not sure I ever will.
Back to the elopement. If you do, I wanna know! I'll send you a present at the very least =)
this is such a good point and I often wonder if my impossibility with being alone has something to do with this point. I love to be around people, but ever since I became a blogger and a facebooker, I love getting feedback. It is almost an addiction. I have yet to set boundaries, but maybe I should try, just so those lonely moments don't seem so deafening
But dating is such a fun topic! Can't you ban your lunch instead?
i totally agree about how open we all are now. i don't really hide a whole lot and it's crazy to me that everyone knows everything about me and it's my doing, so yeah. i don't think people care that i want cheesecake right now either, but i'm probably not going to stop telling them.
Yes, yes and yes. Not to mention the fact that some people seem to have forgotten how to act in real live social situations. My blog is a reflection of me and of my life, but is not "my life."
I don't split my blog life from my "real life". My friends know I blog, and friends and family read my blog. And I've met bloggers in person. But there are certain things I won't blog about, either. I won't blog about someone else unless I know it's OK. I won't blog about sex because, well, my dad might read my blog and I just got married but he'll probably think I'm a virgin until the day I die!
I know what you mean about grabbing your phone to text and tweet. I do the SAME thing. Whenever anything good or bad happens, I need to share it. Example: just today my husband, who is in Iraq, sent me flowers at work. I took pictures and texted them to Facebook, and I announced it on Twitter. Why? Because it was AWESOME. Because it made my day. And I wanted everyone to know. :] So, now you know too.
i love this, nicole. it got my hamster spinning again about how, what and why i choose to blog/tweet about things. that is awesome that your post can do that!
You're eloping tomorrow! I knew it! I care about your lunch.
So weird, because before Twitter, I couldn’t deal with things myself anyway (never been my own best friend) and now that I have hundreds of people to rely on to give me a little guidance, I can put things in perspective better. Like, your social network problems and my social network joys are one in the same. Also, I’m having a quarter life crisis too!! We should compare notes!! I realized I went to college and still have no skills. Awesomeness.
PS-I know you want to be the Bloggess’s intern and all, but I just got fired. And she agreed to pay me in Ramen noodles.
I realized the same thing. Nobody really cares about what I had for lunch either
although they should, because cold pizza and what I'm eating should really be on the cover of every trashy magazine out there. Not because I eat trashy, but because social networking has made me a celebrity ~ well, not really. Not at all actually.
Anyways, I just wanted to say I stumbled here via The Bloggess and I think you're pretty rockin'.
Terribly sorry I forgot to subscribe to comments…haha
Read The Peep Diaries by Hal Niedzviecki…he does a sociological study on exactly what you're talking about…the boundaries, the lines, the real life vs. blog life; how much is too much, etc. It's fascinating!
Ummm….there ARE men, right? I mean, I'm totally cool with lesbians…they really know how to like, please…or something. That came out wrong. I'll just stick to my original thought – there are men…just the really top secret kinds that would kill her to be mentioned in a blog (because that was totally my husband…before he had no choice).
Interesting that you keep relationships and men to yourself and write about other things. When I started out blogging, I didn't really write about friends or about serious relationship things, since W and I had started dating about six months before that. I feel that as we'e progressed in our relationship, it's become more open on the blog.
And once we're married? There won't be a line anymore.
i worry that i would marry a boy who is very private and that my blogging would cease because he would be all "don't talk about me on your blog" and i would be all "but if i talk about ME it usually involves YOU…" but that instead of telling him to suck it up, i would be respectful of his wishes. blah. let's just hope i marry someone who loves my blog. and, you know, me.