In college, I dated a guy who didn’t use a top sheet on his bed. He was all fitted sheets and comforters and I remember thinking that that was pretty weird, and that maybe I shouldn’t date him. Turns out, I fell in love with the no-top-sheet thing just as quickly as I fell in love with the guy, and it’s one of the things that stuck with me after the relationship faded into the distance.
I always find it lovely when I realize something about myself and can look back and pinpoint exactly where it came from. So much of who I am springs from the people that surround me; the more I share with someone else, the more time, the more private moments, the more our jagged edges blur together.
A few weeks pass and I catch myself using a phrase that’s straight out of his mouth.
A few months go by and if we’re good, I mean really good for each other, I notice that my opinions have shifted as a result of challenging late night conversations and electric debates had over dinner, one hand on my wine glass, the other gesturing wildly in the air.
A few years transition the now to the then and I step back, seeing how our day to day completely overlaps. I’ve stopped using top sheets, he eats goat cheese pizza. I have favorite shows on ESPN, he doesn’t put my purple sweater in the dryer. Things you learn from doing, from breathing each other, from making room in your life to be rubbed off on in all the right places.
So there’s those things, the ones you pick up from each other along the quiet backroads of your life, and then there are the other things, the ones that often go overlooked until someone spins you toward a mirror and shows you who you are.
Like the fact that I bite my bottom lip when I’m about to blush, or how I always have the air conditioning on when I’m driving. How often I roll my eyes, and touch my necklace, and eat tomato soup. The way my New York accent comes out when I’m fired up. The fact that even if I won’t admit it, I want you to take the time to draw my lines with your fingertips while we’re in bed.
{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
Thats the beauty of all great relationships! Love that you can still look back and pick out specific behaviors and traits that you know came from him and smile. (even if the relationship ended shitty or not, its really a cool thing to see how other people can touch our lives forever!)
I love what an accent does to a person's personality, especially when it's one brought out by certain traits. The longer I talk and the more natural I am with someone, the more my accent comes out. Or if I'm fired up, like you said about your NYC accent. I like how it's a testament to personalities, how when you're fired up you're FIRED UP and East Coast and talk about a thousand miles a minute FASTER than you normally do. And how when I'm on a roll about something, I drawl and make vowels longer than they're supposed to be.
I also love the rest of what this post expresses. Things I've picked up? A decent backswing, an appreciation of good scotch, pop-punk music, a little guitar know-how, and a deep, deep love of Minnesota's northwoods.
Hi there! I'm a new follower, just wanted to say I love your writing and what you have to say and the way you make me think. Keep it up!
so manfriend doesn't use a top sheet either and i used to think it was bogus and now? it's my preference. im always complaining about it being too sheety in my bed, when i just need to do away with the fucking top sheet, once and for all.
(ps, i know this post was about so much more than just a top sheet. and i loved it for all of it.)
So amazing. I love your writing, it's just rhythmic and very true.
Turn that last line into a poem and/or song lyric. Go.
Oh <3. Sometimes looking back provides such a pretty view of the way you've come
I love this. I'm so influenced by the people around me and pick up their phrases and mannerisms and ways of speech and strange little habits. With the person I love, though, I struggle… There are a lot of little things and sayings that I've adopted, but I kind of want to keep those to myself, like our own little secret. Even after breaking up, I want to preserve it as something uniquely "us". Maybe I'm unnecessarily nostalgic, but I like that about myself.
And also on a sidenote, I never used a top sheet growing up but now I NEED IT, and when I'm super super tired my "hick" indiana accent comes out in full force… LOOKOUT.
Did you know that this is exactly what I needed to read at this very second?
I didn't even know what top sheets were until…college? I never had them growing up and even though hotel rooms had them, I always just thought hotels like piling on the linens just like they do pillows and blankets. I still don't see the point.
This kind of made me get emotional. This was beautiful. Thx.
I thought about commenting on top sheets – how I don't like them either. But, when I got to the end of this (well written) post, I realized it has very little to do with top sheets and a lot to do with being a part of someone's life, and they yours. That last paragraph – isn't that what we all want? For someone to know the weirdest parts of us and love us despite or because of them?
Is this like a guide to falling in love with you? You had me at "leggings as pants"…seriously, that phrase haunts me now. Originally from a tropical country, I never understood the whole top sheet thing. I am strictly a fitted sheet/comforter guy;)
Top sheets suck–they always find up in a tangled lump on the floor.
You're right, the best relationships are those in which the couple rubs off on one another–and I'm not referencing heavy petting here. Jack and I have been dating for six years and have known each other for a decade. We are still very different people, and I will never give up my independence and free spirit, but our being together has definitely helped mold our opinions, ideas and feelings.
I can find so many of my idiosyncrasies have come from the people I am close to, romantically and otherwise. And as far as the accent goes, people have learned to know when I am passionate about something becomes I start speaking with a southern accent and slower.
I also dated a guy who didn't use a top sheet in college and it was very strange to me… And it still is. I LIKE the top sheet! I like my top sheet a lot more than I like that guy.
Just like the top sheet, I've also purged the other idiosyncrasies I picked up from him while we were dating, like the 30 second phone calls to tell a quick story right away and the smoking at Starbucks, which looks gross on me anyway. Getting rid of those quirks was like exorcising the bad memories of him. It worked.
I loved this post (like I do all your posts!). I know EXACTLY what you mean about the way the good ones rub off.
I'm from Texas, but when I get fired up I go all Maryland accent, not twangy Texan. Which makes no sense because I've never lived there. I have family from there though, so that's something, right?
I can not sleep with a top sheet. I get tangled up and lost and it wakes me up. And I THEN have to get up in the middle of the night to make the bed before I can go back to sleep.
All I can say is that every time I see the title of this post I think it says "…and letting people rub you off in all the right ways" and then I realize that it doesn't say that. What does this say about me?
Oh right, I like the post, too. It's spot on.
When I lived in England NOBODY used top sheets! It was an amazing revelation in sleeping comfort! Now I don't even use a comforter, I just throw blankets on until I have a nest of comfiness.
Beautiful post.
This is beautiful. I recently experienced this with an ex that popped back in my life…we talked about the last five years where we've still sort of had an affect on each other, regardless of who we have dated and been with in between.
There are little things you always take with you and hopefully, they can be positive, reminiscent and helpful. Whether it's the kind of food you eat or the way that you talk/think that changes, I think it's a takeaway anyone can find from a relationship. Granted, there are negative pieces and things that might affect you internally…but in the end, I love the part you take away and the way someone can rub off on you. Human nature and relationships…'tis a tender thing
Perhaps a vlog so we can hear the NYC accent you've got?
Seriously though, such a lovely post. Honest. True. Bittersweet.
oh this is so true, after my years of being with matt i've definitely picked up on some of the things he does and watches and him as well. but not so much that we lose ourselves and that's what makes it all lovely.
I hear ya. You should hear the Bahstun in me when I get pissed…
And that is love… <3 =)
My boyfriend doesn't use a top sheet either, but i just bought new sheets for his bed, and I'm forcing him to do what i want. i think i just feel like a comforter doesn't get washed as often as sheets, so it's cleaner to use a top sheet in between!
I hate using top sheets.
Pete and I are basically the same person now – but not in a creepy way, more like… we'll wear brown on the same day, or answer a question the same way, or call each other at the same time to ask about the same thing. We're just on the same level, I guess.
Oh my gosh, I totally have a top sheet but sleep on top of it. I like the feel of my naked flesh on a comforter. Sorry was that an overshare?
These are the things that make someone special, though. Everyone can be really funny or silly or good in bed or whatever. But not everyone, say, meows at inappropriate times and covers his chin with his shirt when he is feeling relaxed.
Amazing post. Beautifully written and so honest.
that's so honest and so true ..
basically….you need to be giving me a call.
I started smiling reading this, not only because its so sweet, but I thought I was weird or something because since elementary school I stopped using a top sheet. My mom even making my bed with them. I think it was because I woke up tangled in them all the time and it was alot easier without them, when I had to make up my own bed. lol
Love this post.
I LOVE this! Thank you for this! le sigh!
I don't use the top sheet either. I used to despise it when I was younger and swore that the day I started making my own bed would be the day I'd eliminate top sheets. It's been incredibly liberating.
I love this post. If we didn't make mistakes, we wouldn't learn from them, and our paths would become monotonous, I think. It's hard, but you're right, you can't regret, you must embrace.
And, I love mac and cheese, speaking of great parties, my friends and I had a mac and cheese bake off once- it was actually called a mac off, and it was amazing.
Top sheets are indeed over-rated.
Jeff was a no top sheet guy when I met him…I think we spent the first year we lived together with half a sheet right down the middle, but in the end the full sheet won out for the sake of easier laundry </digression from your beautiful story>
{ 3 trackbacks }