This weekend marked the beginning of my workout challenge, From Sweatpants to Sports Bras, and after completing the first of thirteen different workouts I’ve learned one important truth: anyone who tells you that running is easy is a pathological liar.
It’s not easy. It’s 30 minutes of this:
Begin walking warm-up. Think motivated thoughts and feel general excitement about life and physical activity. Turn up music. Bob head and lip sync. Declare your awesome-ness.
Slowly transition from walking to jogging. Think “Ha! I could do this every morning!” Jog a few blocks. Start gasping for air. Question how to possibly get more air. Curse air usage during initial lip syncing. Try to ignore stomach cramp. Exhale harder. Jog another block. Look down to see that skin is red and blotchy and that fingers are swelling. Jog another block. Feel cramp get worse. Panic, think “OHMYGOD MY ORGANS ARE EXPLODING INSIDE MY BODY.”
Immediately switch to walking. Remark on how original thoughts of motivation have been replaced with thoughts of suicide. Start jogging again. Feel sharp cramping pain and stop short. Feel around. Wonder if you have appendicitis. Stretch for a few minutes. Laugh when you realize you’re too inflexible to touch your toes. Stop laughing because it’s more pathetic than funny.
Resume walking. Remember that at this time last year, you were almost done training for a 5K. Remark that you couldn’t run a 5K right now to save all the babies in the universe. Admit that you’d try though, because babies are pretty cute. Bring your mind back on track. Internally repeat affirmations like “I’m so awesome for doing this!” and “I’ll be in a bikini in no time!” Start jogging again. Pass a cupcake shop and question whether these work out shenanigans are actually worth it. Have orgasmic fantasies about cupcakes and sweatpants.
Dare yourself to run the rest of the way to your apartment. With three blocks to go, contemplate collapsing in the street and pretending to have a seizure. Question if someone would stop and bring you home, or simply call 911. Realize you can’t afford an ambulance ride. Continue running. Finally arrive home. Lean against your front door, able to get the key in the lock, but too exhausted to actually turn it. Feel relatively certain that death is imminent and that you have, at most, 2-3 minutes to live. Gather enough strength to make it inside. Try to stretch, but wind up laying in the fetal position on the cold tile floor. Wish you had a beer bong and a roommate who could funnel water into your Mojave Desert-like mouth.
Realize you’ve only completed week one of thirteen. Feel the urge to cry. Find that you’re unable to cry, because all bodily water sources have been used by your sweat glands. Wonder how long it will take before you’re able to stand up and make it to the shower…
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
Good for you for even making that effort. You're already 10 steps ahead of me!
I can't run – its not physically possible for me. I blame the cancer sticks that I thought were cool then fought with the devil to leave behind. I can do the total body workout machine which is like running, but I can't "pound the pavement". I don't know where the mind block is but it is.
Good for you though. I'm trying to exercise more – too bad the only weight I've lost is from my boobs.
Every time I go running, I come home loudly declaring that I will NEVER believe that I used to run for fun. At some point in the last couple years, it turned from a decently satisfying activity to a death sentence.
I realize this is probably not the motivation one is supposed to give in this situation. Would it help to know that it becomes a less painful death sentence?
awww. keep it up though! it's always so hard to start out running after you havne't in a while. but just think how hard you'll laugh at yourself when you're breezing through three miles and remember how you felt running today.
And this is why I don't exercise…
Good luck!
i have a love/hate relationship with running. i hate thinking about running. i hate actually running. i hate coming down from the run on the walking warm down which usually takes twice as long as the actual run. i hate stretching afterward and feeling all lightheaded and woozy as i stand up straight again because the blood in my body doesn't know where to go anymore, dammit.
…the feeling about an hour and a half later, after my body remembers what it's like to breathe comfortably? that's a good feeling. i love looking in the mirror after about three days and wondering if i really see a difference or if i'm just proud of myself for having the motivation to keep at it, and i love feeling strong, more flexible, more energetic…
yeah… i haven't run in two weeks but i think maybe i better get back out there tomorrow…
Just keep it up! My friend Katie just started to run. In 2 months, she went from running a block to running 2 miles non-stop. It takes a while for your body to get use to it. If you need running motivation, my friends & I do a collab blog/vlog: http://adorunrun.wordpress.com
Good for you for making it through! It gets easier every day (I should know…I suffered through my first month of running too. Ugh.)
Uhm. Yep. That about sums it up. I'm tryin' to get my body fit enough for a 5k at the moment and DEAR GOD I HATE RUNNING. I miss the days when I loved it. I can't even believe there WERE days when I loved it. I soooooooooooo let myself go. Blah.
Ha ha, this was too funny! The first day back is always the hardest, so keep it up!!
Yayyayyay! I am proud of you! I know you are struggling, but I like the positivity in "one of thirteen" – by week 3 or 4 this will feel a hell of a lot better. You ARE so awesome! Keep repeating it! (Can you tell I was ever a cheerleader?)
You're right. Anyone who tells you that running starts out easy is lying. Running takes work and dedication and building up. Especially when you haven't done it in a long time. The thing is that you have to take it S-L-O-W. And, of course, don't give up after one attempt.
Ugh. I so remember this feeling from the beginning of the C25K. But it gets better! It does! The first week is the worst.
OMG. I totally had a similar experience running this weekend too! Jog-walk-jog-walk-hitwall-walkslower-am i home yet?-collapse onto couch-contemplate eating something-stay on couch for 30 minutes before moving.
I hate running.
Ugh – I had all of those exact feelings & thoughts on Thursday when I ran 3 miles for the first time in too many months to remember. I had been doing 1-2 miles, but not 3. 3 was NOT fun.
Haha yup that's kinda how I feel about running! My lungs just can't pull in enough air to keep me going…
this is hands down my favorite blog post from you so far because i can COMPLETELY sympathize. it doesn't matter how much i run or what i say to psyche myself up or anything like that…it ALWAYS sucks.
but mad props on finishing your first week. keep up the good work!! :]
seriously i hate running. hence why i've been training to walk in a half marathon. walking all the way! haha.
the only time i've ever been able to take running is when i played soccer because i didn't focus on the fact that i was running. ICK! wish i could get back into it.
I used to hate running when I was middle school. Then I got into wrestling and football and at least learned how to get good at it. Then I had physical therapy. Most painful experience of ever. But I hated needing a cane more than the pain of my knee muscles spasming wildly.
Good luck and it really truly does get easier.
I don't run. Period. Blech.
BAAHAHAHAHAHA. oh man. i don't like running outside for this reason. it makes me feel more helpless for some reason. i can do the treadmill…but only for a few minutes at a time!
Ah, running. Good times. I can't believe you started with running. Of all the 13 workouts, you picked the most cardiovascularly challenging. Only you, Nicole.
how did you both motivate me and scare the shit out of me all at once? kudos for getting started… that's the toughest part and you just nailed it. or at least survived it…
Yay at least you've started! I really want/need to start running but I don't think I'll even be able to jog to the corner, lol.
THANK YOU.
These are my exact running thoughts. Except you forgot the part where I'm giving myself the pep talks out loud and other running folk are looking at me like I'm out of my damn mind.
Found your blog through 20 Something Bloggers. Love it!
i hate running! i'm convinced i'm not built for it. i've never been able to run more than one mile. or really…a good mile…
one reason why i like ellipticals better. but, they still suck. exercise sucks!! i doubt i will ever be motivated
Bleh, running. I've started building myself up for it again "cuz it's good for me"…but you pretty much nailed the experience. And honestly, I'd rather walk at a good clip for hours and hours than run a mile, anyway. Good for you though – and maybe you'll shame me into progressing faster.
This is SO how I feel about running! I'm jealous of all my girl friends who run marathons and half marathons. Because really, running makes you skinny. I can only really bring myself to do it once on the weekends if it's sunny. But now that Spring Forward has kicked in, I might bring it up to two days a week.
Great job, Nicole!
My answer to this? Never wear a bikini. PROBLEM SOLVED.
brilliant. i decided that i was going to take up running on a family trip to italy. we were staying in a gorgeous villa in tuscany – the surroundings were AMAZING. I would WANT to run every morning…it would motivate me. Right? WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. omg. i thought I was going to DIE. Except I was on a dirt road at 6 AM in Italy and I didn't have the seizure/911 option so I had to make it back to the villa.
Needless to say, I didn't "take up running…"
i loved this!!! I liked Laurie's answer
i never wear a bikini.
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