The Comments

These are my favorite ever comments. Yes, my commenters are often funnier than I am. Yes, I get the jealousies about it. Yes, I’m kind of an asshole like that.

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I just asked and my roommate said we could totally sell the couch and put in a ball pit but she hates the couch and pretty much only sits on the papasan maybe you should get your roommate a papasan then she’ll let you do whatever you want with the couch.  Also, papasan apparently means pimp in like korea or something.  Maybe Thailand.  I can’t be expected to remember the details. – Victoria

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I have a close personal friend who has a farm with llamas and many of them are pregnant. I’m sure he’d consider performing the abortion for a price. – Laurie

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If you want to mail a dog, you can send it via Delta airlines. My sister breeds this rare dog breed, and they send them to their new owners via Delta, which has some kind of special program for shipping animals. It’s spendy, but it’s available (not my proper it’s usage). They might also be the carrier to use for llama fetus shipping. – Confirmed Spinster

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First came the piercings, then the Brazillians, then the landing strip Brazillians and then vajazzling, and now our vaginas can have masks and toners and, I assume, massage by skilled masseuses.

It seems our vaginas have finally come into their own.

(Find it interesting that the Firefox auto-spellchecker is underlining “vaginas.” At first I assumed it was because one doesn’t often talk about more than one vagina at a time, but when I clicked the dropdown list to see if it recognized vagina at all, it suggested the word “vaginae.” I looked it up, and sure enough vaginae is the plural for vagina! Who knew? I have learned something new today.) – Elizabeth Arnold

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I didn’t know until very recently that my stomach wasn’t directly behind my belly button, it’s above it. Or something. Why the hell is it called a belly button then, I’d like to know? – Heather

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1. I’ve had sex with a mermaid. FACT.
2. Another time I tried to have sex with a mermaid only to learn it was a merman. AWKWARD.
3. Turning a horse into a unicorn is easy. One horse + broomstick + duct tape = unicorn.

- Extremely Witty

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Also, Enjoy your tight vagina. – Emmy Suh

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Everyone I went to high school with is ugly. I mean… what? Anyway. They’re now all in happy relationships and married and having babies. WTF was in THAT water!? – Andrea

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