The Comments

The best part about this blog is that people often leave hilariously amazing comments. Behold, some of my all-time favorites:

“Your blog is going to get me fired.” – Zach

“My mom spent a couple months saying to me: ‘Hey, make me a Facebook, I want to be on Facebook.’  And I was like… no. But now she convinced my sister to do it and we’re all basically screwed because she can’t be bothered to learn how to use it, she uses us instead, makes us do everything for her. ‘Ok, come check my Facebook, do I have any messages? Who added me? Upload our pictures in Barcelona. Add your uncle. Look for my middle school friend that I haven’t seen or heard from in ages but she must be there, so find her.’” – Rosa

“WHO WANTS A BEDTIME STORY ABOUT STRIPPERS?” – Amber

“I just asked and my roommate said we could totally sell the couch and put in a ball pit but she hates the couch and pretty much only sits on the papasan so maybe you should get your roommate a papasan then she’ll let you do whatever you want with the couch.  Also, “papasan” apparently means pimp in like Korea or something.  Maybe Thailand. I can’t be expected to remember the details.” – Victoria

“MUST. QUIT. JOB. TO. BECOME. FULL. TIME. SMUT. READER.” – Keely

“I find it interesting that the Firefox auto-spellchecker is underlining “vaginas.” At first I assumed it was because one doesn’t often talk about more than one vagina at a time, but when I clicked the dropdown list to see if it recognized vagina at all, it suggested the word “vaginae.” I looked it up, and sure enough vaginae is the plural for vagina! Who knew? I have learned something new today.” – Elizabeth Arnold

“If you want to mail a dog, you can send it via Delta airlines. My sister breeds this rare dog breed, and they send them to their new owners via Delta, which has some kind of special program for shipping animals. It’s spendy, but it’s available. They might also be the carrier to use for llama fetus shipping.” – Confirmed Spinster

“I didn’t know until very recently that my stomach wasn’t directly behind my belly button, it’s above it. Or something. Why the hell is it called a belly button then, I’d like to know?” – Heather

“1. I’ve had sex with a mermaid. FACT. 2. Another time I tried to have sex with a mermaid only to learn it was a merman. AWKWARD. 3. Turning a horse into a unicorn is easy. One horse + broomstick + duct tape = unicorn.” – Extremely Witty

“Everyone I went to high school with is ugly. I mean… what? Anyway. They’re now all in happy relationships and married and having babies. WTF was in THAT water!?” – Andrea