It’s not that I want to have sex while wearing a bumble bee costume. That’s not what I was saying.
It’s just that I’m such a kind and thoughtful girlfriend that before adding the costume to the charity donation pile accumulating on my floor, I thought it best to see if insect sex was maybe the one fetish we hadn’t yet discussed. And so I sent him a highly caffeinated email during his work day, inquiring as to whether or not he might be interested in banging a bee.
That’s the thing about working from home, it’s totally normal to spend a lunch break trying on slutty slut costumes from your college days and emailing your boyfriend about it. The other thing about working from home is that, after your lunch break, you can answer emails and have serious phone consultation meetings without ever taking the costume off.
Please keep this in mind next time you’re on the phone with me during the work day. Feel free, as we’re chatting, to just go ahead and assume that I’m wearing a bumble bee costume. Or a princess dress. Or a Snuggie that I’ve tied with a ribbon and turned into a “gown.”
You might have a 401K, but I can have client meetings while wearing a tiara.
And see, here’s the thing. I seriously am jealous of people who have a separate wardrobe of work clothes. And I know, I know, if you’re one of those people you’re probably rolling your eyes right now and thinking, “Sure bitch, try wearing stockings and heels every single day and see how you feel after that,” and I hear you, I really do, but also? At least you have specific clothes that you put on every morning to get you into your professional mindset. It’s the adult version of playing dress up, no? Wearing the clothes to represent who you want to be that day.
Those of us who work from home don’t have this. But gah! Do you know what we should do? We should start some kind of underground society with different theme days. Like, post an online calendar that’s all, “This week is 80s Dance Instructor Week, and next Tuesday is Wild Wild West Day, and the last Friday of the month is Outer Space Day,” and then dress accordingly.
And we could all post photos! And have costume contests! And we could use our outfits as ice breakers during phone meetings with potential clients by being like, “Did you know that per the bylaws of the Association of Cool People Who Work From Home, I’m wearing a Tarzan-style loincloth right now?”
The downside is that they might think you’re sexually harassing them.
The upside is that they might be turned on by it and hire you in hopes of your next meeting falling on “Body Paint & Stilettos Day” and taking place via video chat.
Posted in: day to day shenanigans, james bond, wtf?!
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
Yes.
Let’s do that.
Isn’t every day 80′s Dance Instructor Day for you? Remember, we all picked themes? I’m Hippie Librarian. But mostly I’m “Oh Shit, I’m Late For Work And This Is Clean.”
So, I guess what you’re trying to say in this roundabout way is that I should totally buy all those slutty costumes I was looking at the other day?
As in, Shatterboxx Costume Write Off.
FUCKYESCOSTUMES.
I’d also like to point out that that is “costumes.” Not to be confused with, ahem, “customs.”
I haven’t done the slutty animal thing for Halloween too often, but I did have a slutty bee costume that I wore while singing “Sci Fi Wasabi” at a talent show in the 12th grade. haha
I kinda like my old work clothes and am sad that I don’t get to wear them. It’s a collection of longish dresses that I would pair with an assortment of colorful cardigans. Ah, office work…
I’m in.
But I work at home half the week and go into the office the other half. What if I get confused as to what day it is and then show up as a Baywatch girl in a red swimsuit while carrying a lifesaver? LIFE IS SO HARD.
I need a conference call with you stat.
I’ll be wearing a jockstrap.
Are you insinuating that I’m not supposed to be wearing this tiara at work?
Or this thong?
It’s like you don’t even want me to TRY to enjoy my job.
Great idea about the Association of Cool People Who Work From Home! I’m the only one I know working from home so it would be wicked to have a group and dress up lol (maybe I’ll skip the stilettos though…)
I love my work wardrobe. I love finding a cute, not-too-sexy dress to wear. Even though there is no one to really impress in my office. It’s all middle-aged and/or female. sigh. But it is an excuse to buy super cute heels.
I find this incredibly comforting. Almost as comforting as the pajamas I’ve been wearing for three solid days but for some reason this morning I’ve accessorized with a men’s suit vest, my rain galoshes, and leopard print sweat band.
In my newly acquired job I get to wear a green shirt and black pants EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. This is going to get old fast. I can’t even mix it up with a skirt or anything other than a black pant.
Sigh.
I wish I could work from home because I’d be all over ‘Spirit Week’. That’s what your suggestions remind me of. Western Wear, Twin Day would be awesome. And then you could tell your significant other he (she) is getting to fulfill their lifelong fantasy of banging twins with the clarification being made the other twin is out there in cyberspace so he/she has to use their imagination.
The possibilities are endless.
I don’t work from home, but I’m not above partaking in this new schedule. Hell, I don’t really like my job anyway, and getting fired for “wearing a loincloth” to the office would be pret-ty amazing.
OMG. YES. FINALLY. Association of Cool People Who Work From Home (or AOCPWWFH as us cool people who work from home would say).
Finally a perk of working from home. I was beginning to wonder if there were any – well besides the obvious of being able to drink vodka at inappropriate hours of the morning while on a conference call. What?
Let me know what the first theme is. I’ll start shopping right now. Oh wait – I’m supposed to be working. And I may or may not be drunk.
But you didn’t say if you had sex in the bumble bee costume. Man, I never thought about it that way, but some of those “sexy” Halloween costumes are actually not sexy and not really reusable. Next time, go for Slutty Nurse.
Haha, I will never look at a bumble bee again in the same way, too funny!!!
I would maybe quit my job if it meant we were all doing dress like a princess or an 80s gym teacher or Tarzan day.
I totally get it. I work from home and while I love wearing whatever atrocious thing pops into my mind (today it’s knee socks and a tshirt that I call my dress), some days I’d like to feel kind of grownup-esque. I’m in my early 30s, after all.
I’m down for Criss Cross day.
OMG, leftfoot, I am soooo in platonic love with you. Criss Cross day! Hellloooo 8th grade!
how do bumblebees have sex..?
Dude, even though all my office jobs were at magazines or newspapers (meaning anything goes, essentially), I SO miss wearing actual clothes into the actual public during actual work hours! Today, for example, I’m wearing a striped Victoria’s Secret nightgown over some Gap yoga pants, a purple hoodie haphazardly thrown on top to keep me warm, and Ugg slippes on my toesies. Want to kill myself.
I don’t have a “professional” wardrobe. I have my clothing and every morning when I get dressed for work, I pray that today will be the day I DON’T get mistaken for the high school/elementary students I work with. Ugh.
That is the craziest most fantabulous idea I’ve heard in the past two days. You should start this somehow. Seriously. It’s a total WIN!
I think your ideas can single-handedly revolutionize the work at home culture! Tequilas, iced tea and costumes for all! And ball pits! Of course, whenever I get lazy about doing laundry I start wearing costumes to work….if I get really lazy I start wearing formal wear. Tuxedos, anyone?
Oh, I forgot to mention that my favorite day would be loincloth day:)
Can I get fired for laughing out loud at this, while at work?
‘Cause I just did. *supajealous*
Giving serious thought to throwing in the 401K life so that I can do work in a tiara. The two-wardrobe life? So pales in comparison.
Hey, uh, if you’re done with that bumblebee costume, could I have it? NOT because you’ve been fucking in it (although that is hot), but I was going to buy a bumblebee costume and if you have an extra you were going to get rid of…. I could trade you for some clip-on kitty ears or something.
Costume swap!
I’m in!
I think that I will do this even though I do have to work in an office. 80s workout instructor day? I’m SO there
BAHAHA…I’m all over this idea! Please make this happen! I feel the exact same jealousy for those with real “work cloths” even though I know that if I were one of them I’d be envying the stay at homers. I dub the first Wednesday of the month as Super Hero Day!
I work from home too. Do you find that you keep just buying cuter pajamas rather than real clothes because you know you’re never leaving house again? I mean, I totally put on big girl clothes every day, make up, not-scary-hair, without fail. Because, I’m just awesome (and a liar). But I wondered if YOU have that issue…
I work from home and am trying to bring over sized boxers and tank tops into the forefront of corporate clothing, although my office is frequented by family and pets, its still an office…..at least thats what I keep telling myself every time I make my own Latte, instead of having a starbucks to stop at on the way to the office, my starbucks just happens to be my kitchen
Considering most of my “working from home” consists of actually “working at Chris’” I’m totally going with the theme idea for next week. I hope he realizes that Tuesday is, in fact, Toga Tuesday.
As someone who used to work in an office and now works half the time from home and the other half has to wear ALL black all the time – I miss having an excuse to wear my nice office clothes and heels.
I need a reason to wear something other then yoga pants, a purple bandeau, green sweatshirt and mismatched socks.
Come to think of it I’m pretty much dressed for 80′s day right now…
{ 1 trackback }