If you think something enough, and if you say something enough, it’s going to wind up coming true.
I’m not talking about winning the lottery or getting free food from In-N-Out for the rest of your life, because I don’t think you can power-of-thought those kinds of things into reality (although, fuuuuuck). I’m talking about the other things we think and say, the things we do have control over, things like, “I can’t afford that” or “I’m fat.” Tell yourself shit like that all the time, and hey, guess what, before you know it, it’ll be true.
That’s the thing about “truth,” it’s a transient concept, because all that matters is what’s true for you. If you honestly believe you’re fat, or unsuccessful, or bad with money, that belief becomes your reality. At that point, it doesn’t really matter what I think or what your neighbor thinks or what your friends think, because we see the world through our own eyes and therefore we’re the ultimate deciders of what’s true for us.
The most ridiculous part of all of this is that usually, the truth we’ve created isn’t even the truth we want. No one wants to live in a negative feedback loop of constantly feeling like crap. No one wants to believe that that they’re not thin enough, wealthy enough, successful enough, or creative enough to have the life they want. And yet, this is the kind of absurd horse vagina nonsense that we fill our own heads with all day long. It’s like, somewhere along the way we decided that it’s not enough to just have to work really hard to achieve our goals – so we took it one step further, got in our own way, and made it so that not only do we have to work hard, we also have to slash and claw through the overgrown jungle of limiting beliefs we’ve come to accept as fact. It’s no wonder we’re exhausted. Working toward getting a promotion or getting in shape is hard enough without having to suit up for mental and emotional battle with yourself every fucking step of the way.
And we all have different triggers. For me, it’s stress. I constantly tell myself (and everyone else) how stressed out I am and how there’s never enough time, and oh, look at that, it’s become my truth. I mean, it’s impossible to not be constantly stressed out when all you tell yourself is that you’re constantly stressed out.
See also: BEING A HUMAN IS HARD.
And the hardest part is that it wasn’t a conscious choice. It’s not like I woke up one day and was like, “Damn, working myself into a stress frenzy sounds awesome. LET’S DO THAT.” And yet, here we are. Honestly, I think a lot of it stems from the fact that stress has become the thing for so many of us to brag about. There’s a weird, sick pride that comes from being “so stressed out,” because somehow, “stress” has become culturally synonymous with “busy and important.” Now that I think about it, though, I’m starting to feel like “stress” is more accurately synonymous with “not good at managing one’s time/priorities/ability to say no to shit.” And really, who’s impressed with that?
Being stressed out isn’t impressive. Complaining about how you worked a 15-hour day isn’t impressive. Not being able to take time off isn’t impressive. Obsessively checking your email isn’t impressive. Being all-consumingly attached to your iPhone isn’t impressive. All of those behaviors? NO ONE IS IMPRESSED.
Related note to self: It’s time to change the inner monologue. It’s time to realize that busy and stressed aren’t the same thing, and that yes, you’re busy, but you’re only stressed because you keep telling yourself you’re stressed. So, stop that. Change perspective. Be more positive. Say less douchey things about how there aren’t enough hours in the day because fuck, EVERYONE HAS THE SAME NUMBER OF HOURS IN THE DAY AND TRULY SUCCESSFUL/HAPPY PEOPLE DIDN’T GET TO BE SUCCESSFUL/HAPPY BY WASTING TIME MAKING DRAMATICALLY SELF IMPORTANT STATEMENTS ABOUT HOW STRESSED OUT THEY ARE ALL THE TIME. AMEN.
Posted in: a life less bullshit, personal growth and shit
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For me there’s this competitive aspect, like, “I need to be more stressed than you to prove that I can handle more.” In reality, the person who manages their responsibilities and doesn’t actually take on too much, they’re the smarter one. We humans are just so freaking smart. Why take care of ourselves when we can make life difficult instead?
So true! People wear the whole “I’m soooo busy/stressed/overworked” thing like a badge of honor. Advertising now blatantly targets the whole “our lives are SO busy!” thing. Society is odd.
I think the web’s made connections easy for the people who like making things happen. Making things happen almost entirely demands you work with other people, and the web’s brought those people to one another’s fingertips. We’ve found ourselves unable to excuse not making things happen because it’s not a matter of moats or boundaries or logistics or distance. It could happen now, so the overwhelming pressure is to make happen it now (or to make it seem as if you’re making it happen now).
“Now” is poisoning a ton of what’s being done by people on the web. What’s happening off the web is increasingly tied in to what’s happening on the web, and this idea that “busy” is the new black is seeping in to nearly every corner of the rhetoric floating around projects these days.
Watch a musician.
Musicians are almost never too busy.
Great authors.
Art.
Your life’s work should be your art. There should be a painting, song, project, business, career, or impact that stands on its own no matter how fucking long it took to create at the end of that tunnel.
Your life shouldn’t be about your ability to fill your time.
THIS.
I used to brag about being at the office until 8:00. Then I realized I was at the office until 8:00.
Think about it.
While my colleagues where enjoying happy hours (how irresponsible!), working out (not enough time!), or taking vacations (flooding of inbox = total world meltdown), I was at the office. Until 8. I didn’t say no to anyone. I managed my time well, yes, but had waaaay too much on my plate.
Now? I make half as much as I did in that office. I’m down 23 pounds and actually look forward to being naked with my hot ass boyfriend. I wake up snuggled up with the boy and the Puggle and can take another 30 minutes in snuggletown. I jump out of planes on days that don’t just start with “S” and when I’m done, I have a glass of wine or four, rinse, repeat and do it again.
Being busy is overrated. It’s a hard transition from ZOMG IM WORKING SO HARD AND IM GOING TO BRAG ABOUT HOW MUCH TIME IM SPENDING HERE WHILE YOU’RE DOING FUN SHIT to waking up when my body wakes up then taking 30 more minutes to snuggle up. I realized the material things that matter to me really don’t extend far beyond my MacBook Pro, cell phone, car and skydiving gear.
Amen to you too Derek!
“Watch a musician.
Musicians are almost never too busy.
Great authors.
Art.
Your lifes work should be your art. There should be a painting, song, project, business, career, or impact that stands on its own no matter how fucking long it took to create at the end of that tunnel.
Your life shouldnt be about your ability to fill your time.”
Brilliant! As a musician I honestly never thought about it in this context. I can sit down with my cello or start learning an aria and the hours melt away. And I don’t care. I don’t contemplate what I could have done with that time instead. I love the web because I get to be inspired by amazing people! Bravo.
Dude, so true. I do that with the stress thing but then I one day read a tweet from someone, I don’t remember who but I’m sure it was someone important, that said, “Busy does not equal successful.” Gave me a bit of perspective and now I’ve decided to not talk about how crazy my week/schedule/life is on Facebook or Twitter anymore. No one really cares about that anyway.
Great post.
It’s so true. I’ve been so guilty of this sort of thinking in the past. I think people expect others to give them something in return when they tell them they are too stress; such as comfort or praise or something. It’s weird how the mind works but you’re completely right… it’s an awful feedback loop to have and it’s becoming the detriment of our [human] society.
Its so true. Ive been so guilty of this sort of thinking in the past. I think people expect others to give them something in return when they tell them they are too stress; such as comfort or praise or something. Its weird how the mind works but youre completely right its an awful feedback loop to have and its becoming the detriment of our [human] society.
I swear I was just thinking the exact. same. thing. And it was equally eloquent and convincing in my head.
Cross my heart.
Amen.
Yes, yes yes! When I went to design school, there was this belief that you didn’t really care about design unless you spent most of your time in studio, and pulled an all-nighter the night before it was due. Now that I’m finished there, this has translated into feeling guilty most of the time, like I could always be doing more for my business, even I struggle to keep some kind of work-life balance. I’m not going to feel guilty any more.
Fuck yes.
I have the same ideals also about being not replying to you, or being MIA, or not being a good friend because “I’m so busy,” and I’m all, “I’m probably busier than you but I don’t complain about it and I don’t forget about the world.” I mean, ha, I probably do, but the point is that I’m conscious of it. I can’t stand that excuse and like you said, we all have the same hours in the day. You’re amazing
Also, my mom, Lenora, her whole life has been devoted to particularly helping women “break free of self-defeating beliefs,” she’s amazing and this post reminded me of her and her ideals and what she shares in her coaching. Woop!
Sometimes it’s like I slept with my inner critic’s wife while keying his car and recording Dancing with the Stars on his DVR.
Awesome post! It’s so interesting how, as you said, the truths we create for ourselves aren’t the truths we want. I have a dear friend who has been his own worst enemy the whole time I’ve known him because of the negative loops he gets stuck in. Self-fulfilling prophecy! If only we could get stuck in positive feedback loops – then maybe everyone’s success would come to them a bit easier.
I also relate to the concept of people complaining about their 15-hour days. I am guilty of this and have been trying to stop. No one cares if my FB status says I have errands and work and workouts all day. It’s reality and I should just live it.
TRUTH. love it. i always say “there just aren’t enough hours in the day” when really there are. i just need to stop bitching about it. thanks for posting
Double Amen.
I used to be this way until I noticed that the people I looked up to – the really cool friends, the mentors, people that make great art, weren’t doing that. The people that were having more fun with their lives and who seemed much happier than my ‘crazy busy’ counterparts were NEVER talking about how insanely busy they were.
I also realized how this makes people feel when you say that to them: that they are lucky to have your time? that you’re way more important than they are? That they may be interrupted at any moment by one of your ‘important emails’?
None of these are things I want people to feel from being around me.
Great post!
I was gonna leave a long, thoughtful reply but there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
For real though, YES.
Hear, hear! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go work on my “I procrastinate too much” inner monologue…
Well said! That is all so true and yet so hard to live. Thanks for putting it all out there – its great to hear someone else encourage you to do the things you know you need to!
AMEN!!
Word.
Also, I’m so sick of the competitiveness and the need to compare lives. Sharing that you only sleep “four hours a night” or “work 75 hours a week” only makes me think you are an idiot, who will probably die before me. Sometimes it’s tempting to play “who’s more stressed” but if you try to compete, you’re just cheating yourself. We all need to follow your advice to yourself.
You are like the foul-mouthed lady version of the Zen Habits blog.
Deep insights that make total sense.
Also, I’ve never, ever gotten along with workaholics who play the ‘my life is harder/I am busier’ game. Win! Please, win!
What are you like 80 years old? Such wise advise coming from such a cute girl…it’s…not right.
PREACH SISTA!!
p.s. you are my un-official/official guru on life because it seems that you and my subconscious/that-hunchy-feeling-I-get-in-my-gut-gut are BFFs and I’m just that asshole stuck in the cash only line with just my credit card at the airport.
What a home run of a post. Clearly, this is resonating with folks. It’s the best thing I’ve read online all week.
We are what we think, because what we think becomes what we do. Funny, that.
Thanks for being honest.
So this is completely unrelated but…
http://animalstalkinginallcaps.tumblr.com/post/11953575062/malibu-barbie-was-the-best-barbie-youre-so
Oh Nicole, why do I not read your blog every day?! I should. I’m going to.
I love the “wicked sense of humor + vulnerability + wisdom + creativity” that is your blog.
Rock on, sisterbell:)
Melissa
oh, there is so much random horse vagina going on in my head it’s not even funny. my BFF and i spend all day on IM telling each other how great the other one is, yet we can’t say these things to our own selves and believe it! it has to stop. we are all awesome/talented/beautiful/funny in a hundred different ways and it’s high time we all started believing it.
I agree with a lot of what you said. Most limitations are self imposed. For great methods to remove limitations, visit: http://www.robertfriedhypnosis.com for the latest on stress management.
Yes, yes and YES!
You’re bang on – I needed to read this today.
Some of my colleagues seem to think that I deserve less money and less respect because I work my appointed 8/9 hours and then leave the office for the day. When I get home, I run/cook/read/write/hang out with friends whilst they’re still at work, bitching and moaning about how there aren’t enough hours in the day.
Fact is, there are enough hours in the day. There are 24 to be exact.
Congrats on completing the half marathon!
FUCK YES.
It’s not a life-sucking competition.
THIS.
I have several posts of yours bookmarked as “read when you have convinced yourself you suck and really you don’t.” This one just made it to the top of the list.
Well said. This also works as a diagnosis and/or cure for the current economic crisis.
Keep dropping truth bombs.
-A
I need to email this to a whole lotta people. What a great reminder to stop being such a tool.
I haven’t had a phone–or any sort of consistent Internet access–since leaving the US three months ago, and while that mere thought STRESSED ME THE FUCK OUT, you know what? It’s been AWESOME.
Gave me a good laugh and also a reminder that I am not entitled to complaining.
Thanks for the little wake-up call.
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