The internet is a dirty dirty rabbit hole.
One minute you’re living real life, walking home from the grocery store, passing by that telescope and binocular store that’s somehow still in business in a shopping center in the middle of San Francisco even though you’ve never seen a single person come out with a pamphlet, yet alone an actual telescope, and then the next minute you’re home and you’re on your couch eating all of the groceries you bought (or more accurately, drinking all of the wine you bought because sometimes a 25 year old woman just needs to drink her feelings) and you see an email pop up that’s all, “So and so has done such and such annoying thing on Facebook” and you click over, because you’re alone and you’re bored, and you look at the wall post, which leads you to that person’s profile, which leads you to a different person’s profile, where you see that hey, this person’s boyfriend is mutually friends with a friend you know through your blog and huh, isn’t the world such a small and funny place?
And you’re curious, of course, so you click around some more. You click and go on a virtual tour of everything that’s been happening to everyone you’ve ever known since whenever it was that you last knew them and you can’t stop, click after click, until you look up and realize that you’ve spent an inordinate amount of time learning that your ex is finished with law school and that a girl from college lost her job and that your former neighbor is living in another country and that the guy whose arms you cried in on the morning of 9/11 is married, and you think, “When did we all start hurling ourselves down such drastically different paths?”
You click more, stalk more, judge more, falling down the dirty dirty rabbit hole, staring at pictures of Miss California and “liking” the page of another high school classmate who’s now running for City Council in that very same city.
You close the computer, wondering how long it’ll be before this same guy shows up in your news feed announcing that he’s running for President of the United States, followed by a frenzy of comments from that group of girls who, if they’re anything like their slutty high school selves, will not so jokingly ask when they can audition for the role of his Monica Lewinsky.
Posted in: day to day shenanigans, hey look, i have feelings!, life 2.0, san francisco
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Nicole you are pretty fucking splendid….just saying. I was going on one such facebook tour/waste of freaking life……when I found this. Moments well wasted if I do say so myself.
“(or more accurately, drinking all of the wine you bought because sometimes a 25 year old woman just needs to drink her feelings)”
I think alcohol gives the best hugs sometimes. Also, I totally do the whole facebook-rabbit hole thing. I feel like a total creeper, but acknowledging that is the first step right?
ps. love your blog
I know exactly what you mean. And you end up feeling slight stalker-ish but you just can’t stop either. It’s dirty rabbit hole business for sure.
I kind of prefer your facebook experience to mine these days, which is usually SO AND SO GOT ENGAGED SO AND SO GOT MARRIED SO AND SO HAD A BABY SO AND SO’S BABY IS THE CUTEST THING EVAAAAR SO AND SO GOT ENGAGED SO AND SO GOT MARRIED SO AND SO HAD A BABY SO AND SO’S BABY IS THE CUTEST THING EVAAAAR.
At least you have potential presidential blow job scams on your horizon.
Such a great and true thing. Fucking rabbit holes – first you start to feel bored and lazy and forgotten because you have nothing better to do. Second, you begin to feel like a creepy stalker. Third, you realize you really don’t give a flying fuck because they don’t know you’re doing it. Fourth, someone walks in on you. Fifth, you break down in tears. Sixth, you drink more fucking wine.
The End.
Story of my life…makes being a self-employed, work-from-home freelancer damn difficult sometimes!
All I can say is, I’m glad it’s impossible for people to check how many times you’ve visited their profile….
Huh. After reading the title and not paying much attention to anything else I thought the link was for sure going to send me to Toy with Me because I kind of wanted to know what a “dirty dirty rabbit hole” was. Did not immediately get that it was an Alice in Wonderland reference. Considering Googling “dirty dirty rabbit hole” to see if there is an, ahem, alternate definition.
Well said, love. Amazing how much lives can change in 5, 10 years, huh?
So many people on Facebook that I haven’t seen in ten years are getting married, pooping out kids by the dozen, and generally living boring, normal lives. One good thing about being friends with them on facebook is that I won’t have to go to my reunion because that satisfaction is already a button click away.
Right?! Social media is totally ruining the art of the high school reunion.
It definitely takes the surprise out of things, but maybe it’s better that way? We can walk into the reunion with confidence!
Oh God. The constant pictures of the babies. CONSTANT. Makes me want to take one of their rattles and shove it in my eye until it comes out my ear. Or nose. Whichever. I guess ear because I’d rather be able to taste and smell food like normal if I had to choose between that and not being able to hear the banging noise of the construction next door. Geez. I guess I need to go take my prozac.
So you spent the evening creeping profiles.
I used to do that when I was bored.
Then I finished. All of them.
Wondering: which is better in regards to consuming feelings? Wine or an entire pan of Rice Krispies treats?
Jury’s still out.
Both. Wine in one hand and Rice Krispies treats in the other.
I’m pretty sure that the last lines of your posts are my favorite every single time.
Also, sending you a hug. Not the same as a bottle of wine, but hope it helps anyway. x oxo
Shit, girl. Yeah.
Oh the clickity! So before bed, I’m all, okay I’ll just open my computer, check one e-mail, go on the ‘book for a min. Yeah the fuck right.
I can’t stop clicking (that’s what she said?) and it’s TOTALLY a rabbit hole. You’re so right. Just today, my new roommate who is moving here because we met because I’m on Couch Surfing.org and let her “surf” my couch a year ago, and now she’s moving across the country to be a new roommate. Facebook rabbit hole while I stalk her sister, she’s close friends with AND works with my cousin’s ex boyfriend in NYC (her sister, my cousins ex of years, couch surfing new roommate).
Whew, did that make any sense?
SO insane. Fuck Facebook! But I still love it hehe.
I’m convinced that Facebook has destroyed the concept of the high school reunion. All the mystery is gone when you get by-the-minute updates on the lives of people you only vaguely cared about in high school. Even if you ignore the News Feed on a regular basis, everyone goes on a Facebook stalking bender now and again… some people are just more honest about it.
I hear ya on the whole “rabbit hole”/Facebook experience thing, but since I don’t do psychedelics anymore, it’s all I got.
Ahh sucked in by the naughty, dirty fucking rabbit hole! We’re all victims of this scenario for sure. I’m constantly wondering why I allow it to happen, but it’s like a car accident, you can’t help but look. My 10 year high school reunion is in 2 years and Facebook might be the reason I chose not to go.
Good bloggin!
Nothing wrong with the occasional Facebook binge! Now the problem comes later, when you actually see that person again and have to stop your mouth from inevitably forming the words, “So I saw on Facebook you’re divorced now. I’m so sorry!” or “Hey what an awesome trip you just took to Scotland. No pub left behind, right?? Right?” Or, the most dangerous of all… admitting to a new love interest that you’ve stalked the crap out of them. I mean, OF COURSE you have. BUT WE NEVER EVER EVER SAY SO.
So I’m kind of glad that Facebook is blocked in China. It means I won’t have access to it for at least another month.
What am I talking about? No I’m not. I feel like I’m at a fucking rehabilitation camp. And I wouldn’t even consider myself a heavy Facebook user! I’ve only been sucked in by the rabbit hole once in a blue moon.
I guess the whole world can come to China if they want to wean off their Facebook addictions.
UH, YES. WHAT KRISTIN SAID.
Facestalking is an art. I’m quite, quite good at it, which is useful when my friends meet girls and because they aren’t on Facebook hit me up to investigate. Okay, we never do that.
Seriously for everything I completely hate about Facebook I think the world without would be a much less interesting place. I’m just glad my mother and her sisters have a way to live vicariously through their kids, because it significantly reduces the constant phone calls.
facebook continually makes me feel bad about myself.
no, facebook, i don’t have babies and i didn’t finish college.
no, facebook, i don’t have a new house or a european vacation photo album.
no, facebook, I HAVEN’T FINISHED BUILDING MY FARMVILLE BEEHIVE LEAVE ME ALONE.
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