Sometimes, you just have to give in to temptation. You have to look your better judgement in the eye and say, “Catch ya later, man, I’m headed in the other direction on this one.” And sometimes, when you do that, it turns out to be the best decision you could possibly make.
Which is to say, I caved. After SEVEN YEARS of resisting the hype and allure of the Twilight saga – seven years of making a huge fuss about the bad writing and the bad example these books set for young women and blah blah lots of other up-on-my-literary-soapbox shit – I caved. I gave into the sweet, delicious, vampire-y temptation, and oh glorious hell, it sure feels good over here on the dark side.
Ooooh yeah, this is going to be one of those posts.
Gentlemen, get out while you still can. Ladies, if you’ve read the Twilight books and don’t think you’ll be able to keep plot spoilers to yourself, then this is me kindly asking you to get the fuck away from my blog. Seriously, put the blog down, back away slowly, and disappear for a while. Do you hear me? NO SPOILERS. I’ve somehow managed to go seven years without finding out any of the important details about these books, and you don’t want to be the one to ruin that for me. Seriously, check the fine print of the How To Be A Kickass Woman contract; there’s a clause in there about the special place in hell that’s reserved for women who fuck with other women’s Edward Cullen fantasies. You’ll find it right between the section about how it’s okay to have a raging crush on Neville Longbottom and the paragraph warning you that no one in the world will ever be as sexy as Tim Riggins, ever, no matter what.
These rules, they’re put in place for a reason, ladies.
But, back to Twilight. In all honesty, I blame running. Now that the Crazy Running Bug is permanently lodged in my brain and I’m running 5 half marathons over the next 6 months, I’ve gone into audiobook overdrive. That’s my holy grail secret to being a runner, by the way, listening to audiobooks, and I’ve been devouring book after book during my training. A few weeks ago, at a momentary loss for what to listen to next, I stumbled on Twilight and figured, “what the hell, right?” WHAT THE HELL, INDEED.
I’m now only an hour or so away from the end of the first audiobook and, predictably, I’m fucking obsessed. So obsessed that I wake up sad on non-running days because it means I just have to live my boring regular life, free from ravenously inappropriate thoughts about Edward Cullen. And, listen, I know these stories put sick and all-consuming love on a pedestal and probably aren’t the best message for young women (or grown women, for that matter), but I’ll be the first one to say that even pitted against my more rational thoughts, sick and all-consuming love is still just so damn appealing. I mean, I’m as much a feminist as the next girl, and yet all I want is for Edward Cullen to hold me against his perfect white skin, exhale his sweet, cold breath against my neck, and tell me that I’m his entire life. Ugh, I KNOW.
Is this the part where I beg James Bond not to leave me?
And is this the part where I find my 12th grade AP English teacher and talk her down from the small ledge at the top of the very tall building that’s reserved for teachers whose model students turn out to be rabid Twilight and Gossip Girl lovers? Oh god, don’t even get me started on Gossip Girl.
Oh well. Sorry, James Bond! Sorry, Mrs. Novak! THE OBSESSIVE AND DELIRIOUS HEART WANTS WHAT IT MOTHER EFFING WANTS, OKAY??
Posted in: day to day shenanigans, run, baby, run
{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
Welcome to the dark side.
We’re glad to have you here on the dark side! Next up, Hunger Games (talk about addictive book!).
Hunger Games > everything else.
I can’t even quantify the hours I spent reading Twilight-based fan fiction. omg. I actually found one story that gave an alternate ending to the saga by basically replacing the fourth book. I actually preferred the fan fic to the real story.
I ligitamately get depressed every time I finish the 4th book. That’s right, I said every time. Meaning I’ve read the Twilight series several (hundred) times. I can never get me enough of that Edward Cullen. TEAM EDWARD!!
Where do you find your audiobooks? Any recommendations?
I read each twilight books within a day. I recommend the Hunger Games next! Same addictiveness. But you actually feel a little less teenage girl because there are no vampires (and it’s a good thing).
I totally support this. I have a degree in English, and I read Twilight with no shame. And I second the Hunger Games recommendation!
I have a degree in English as well, am a credentialed teacher, have read Twilight as well, with no shame. I also agree with the Hunger Games recommendation, they must be read and will be consumed as quickly if not more so than Twilight. They should definitely be read before March because that is when the first movie comes out!
I love you for this. So much.
Please let me know if you’re up for a weekend of watching all the movies, because, naturally, that will come next.
Love this post so very, very much. And I mean, really, who can blame you when rationality is up against Edward Cullen?
You are my favorite.
“I mean, Im as much a feminist as the next girl, and yet all I want is for Edward Cullen to hold me against his perfect white skin, exhale his sweet, cold breath against my neck, and tell me that Im his entire life. Ugh, I KNOW.”
Hell. Frakking. Yes.
I’m really lusting after the How To Be A Kickass Woman contract in it’s entirety. Please write it. YOU KNOW IT’LL BE FUN.
Welcome to the dark side! I’ve been meaning to ask how you managed to get into running, thanks for the tip!!
Niceee. I didn’t like it much myself but I used to be a fan haha
Reading them is only the intro to the dark side. Once you start writing fanfiction, it’s over.
Neville is such a hottie. For serious. He turned out the best! (Also, I haven’t given in to Twilight yet, but I fell to The Hunger Games this past week.)
I am so pro this. And plus, with the audiobook version you don’t have to worry about how cringe-worthy the writing is. You just get to listen to an amazing story about the perfect vampire. re: MARRY ME EDWARD CULLEN.
but more importantly, let’s talk about the fact that you are running FIVE half marathons in the next six months. you badass.
I’m so glad to read this post! I’m currently writing a blog post on my obsession with The Hunger Games (Twilight & HP, too!)
Guilty pleasures unite!
Oh jeez, it’s all downhill from here, Nicole.
My girlfriend is OBSESSED with the Twilight Saga. OBSESSED I say. After finishing the books, she then started reading the fan fiction. Over and over and over and over. Did you know that there is basically Twilight fan-fic porn? No? Well there is. BECAUSE SHE READ IT TO ME.
Oh, and then there’s the movies. When Eclipse came out, she watched it 5 times in a day. She dragged me along too and OH EM GEE, never, EVER again.
All in all, Twilight is like crack.
And oh HELLO you frickin’ super badass. Five half marathons – you go girl! I’ve started listening to audio books during my training – I can recommend Gypsy Boy and Gypsy Boy on the Run. Seriously, whilst listening to them, I was completely absorbed.
I’m gonna give The Hunger Games a go….
Oh, and also Chicken Soup for the Soul for Runners, is another good one.
I went through a Twilight thing and it is honestly not my piece of cake anymore (I have a broken heart though so that could be why) but you can also check out the story told from Edward’s perspective on Stephanie Meyer’s website: http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/midnightsun.html
Hunger Games is so damn good though. I read and re-read the entire series over a two week period.
Team Edward baby! (Although, I refuse to watch the movies.) Then, once you’re done with those, move on to the Hunger Games Trilogy. (I’m another Englisgh major who has crossed to the dark side!)
I still get embarrassed when I browse the young adult section of the book store.
I read Twilight on the sly. I’d leave it in my car, tell my coworkers I was going “out for lunch” and sit in my car and read Twilight books. And then I’d hide them under my jacket or in the trunk just in case I had to give someone a drive home or to a meeting. It was a very covert operation.
“And is this the part where I find my 12th grade AP English teacher and talk her down from the small ledge at the top of the very tall building thats reserved for teachers whose model students turn out to be rabid Twilight and Gossip Girl lovers? Oh god, dont even get me started on Gossip Girl.”
Agreed on Gossip Girl. Love Twilight! I may need to try these audiobooks to kick start my running. It’s been getting a little boring lately.
Can’t say I can get behind you on the Twilight love, but I do TOTALLY feel you on the audiobook trick for running. Also, podcasts.
I’m so glad you get it now. Just another thing to add to our list of THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME AND WE CAN TALK ABOUT. once you’ve finished the series of course.
I have no commentary on your Twilight decision, partially because I love the Harry Potter series and partially because I recently read all three Hunger Games books in a week (an unheard of feat for a slow reader like me). But I do have to say that I am working on getting back into running and thanks to suggestions from the BiSC-uits, I started listening to podcasts when I run and it is my favorite thing of all time. And knowing that I only get to listen to them when I run means I actually want to go run. WIN-WIN.
I don’t actually mind the books (sorry, fellow Potterheads), but Twihards drive me NUTS. Even when I was deep into the series myself, I could never quite understand that particular level of addiction…
Actually, the more I think about it the more I realize iampisspot is right. The books *are* like crack. Please be careful, Nicole!
1. I’m judging you. I say that with love. But I am. That doesn’t mean I’m not mildly considering taking your recommendation.
2. Hunger Games. I know. But still. Just a gentle nudge again.
3. I’m currently on a new Tween series. I’ll let you know how it goes.
4. I have a super special place in my heart for my AP English teacher.
YES.
Don’t you hate it when mock something openly and then end up liking it?
Also Ashley is trying to get me to read The Hunger Games. What’s her angle??
the writing is so terrible. the story really isn’t that great. bella may be one of the weakest and most annoying female characters ever written. and i still own all of the books and read them within a week. i love and hate them all at the same time. have you read the hunger games? definitely add that to the list if you haven’t.
ah. another one bites the dust. you’re cute
in 2009, i wrote a blog post attempting to make sense of why my wildly intelligent, successful, and self-assessing (ie. the OLD nicole) (tee hee) adult female friends were (still) masturbating (shamelessly) to a skinny teenage vampire all up and down the (public) facebooks. four Twilight movies later, and i believe my armchair psychology still holds true: http://bit.ly/xpM5Jb (no spoilers!)
So glad you’re on my(our) side. I still don’t think the movies do the books justice. First one was like the book on speed. I’m just saying…
mrs novak might be stood on the top of a tall building, but trust me, she loves edward too.
trust me. i’m an english teacher.
Hunger Games is a must read!!!!
O my gosh, I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog. It is super cute the way its layed out. I know this really doesnt have to do with your post but I had to tell you. I spent forever, or it felt like forever, working on designing mine. I had just finished my header and my computer crashed and I lost everything. I had to start from scrach.
Visit my web site at http://www.borntobeblonde.com
Its very similar to yours! Ahhhh… the joys of blogging. I love it.
Love this part: “I mean, Im as much a feminist as the next girl, and yet all I want is for Edward Cullen to hold me against his perfect white skin, exhale his sweet, cold breath against my neck, and tell me that Im his entire life. Ugh, I KNOW.” First of all, because you actually used the word “feminist,” which is super nice to hear as a gender studies influenced person, because I’m so tired of: “I’m not a feminist but I believe in everything feminism stands for.” Uh…cool. But second, I love it because you’re also like, yeah, feminists are humans too, and pop culture is totally important and relevant and kick ass women understand this. I have not read Twilight personally, but I do have an English degree and I’m working on a cultural studies master’s degree so I’ve heard a fair amount of criticism about “bad” literature and TV and movies and OMG I LOVE GOSSIP GIRL. So yeah. Keep being awesome.
*shakes head in disappointment* But I still love you!
I’m going to light a candle and pray for your soul. But go forth and sparkle, my dear. I’m with Mikael – I still love you too.
Hey Nicole!
You are my running inspiration, girl. I’m training for my first race. Where do you get your audiobooks from? Any secrets?
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