Sometimes I love that I don’t have a TV in my apartment. Like when I’m bored and instead of wasting time wondering how in the hell MTV can still call itself Music Television when they haven’t shown a legitimate music video since like 1998, I go online and find incredibly inappropriate and magical websites like Guess Her Muff, where it’s just picture after picture of fully clothed chicks and under each clothed picture there’s a link to a naked picture and the premise is basically to guess what each chick’s vagina is going to look like based on her clothed appearance.
Please don’t ask me how much time I’ve spent on this site, because it’s just absolutely crazycakes, and please don’t ask me why it’s so ridiculously gratifying to look at one photo and yell, “landing strip!” and then the next photo and yell, “totally shaved!” and then the next one and yell, “big giant bush!” and be right about EVERY SINGLE PHOTO and convince myself that I must be some kind of x-ray visioned vagina jedi person. It just is.
The only downside is that this damn website has more or less ruined my life because I find myself playing the Guess Her Muff game out in the 3D world, walking by woman after woman and guessing quietly to myself, mentally screaming, “Brazilian wax!” and then immediately hoping that I didn’t just risk getting assaulted by accidentally saying it out loud while pointing to her lady parts.
God, speaking of getting assaulted, last weekend there was a fucking shooting in my neighborhood. Like, an actual SHOOTING after two guys got into it at this shady club, got kicked out, and then the one guy fired 32 rounds at the other guy and killed him in front of a sex shop that’s next to the club and oh my god only in San Francisco would there be a club next to a sex shop and this is all very stressful for me because I love sex shops and don’t want to associate them with getting fucking SHOT TO DEATH.
Which is to say that maybe I should get a TV so that I can start paying more attention to the local news about who’s brawling with who in my neighborhood. Or maybe I should just become a complete recluse who spends hour after hour in front of her fireplace trying to guess the pubic hair situation of some chick posing for a photo on a boardwalk while simultaneously wondering where in the where they even FIND women who will submit both clothed AND naked pictures to a site that has muff in the title and how they’ve found enough of them that as of this morning, they were already up to girl number 1,367.
People are fucking weird.
Posted in: san francisco, wtf?!
{ 57 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow…ummm….i got nothing
If there were a Guess Her Muff show, that might warrant a TV purchase.
Lots of women submit muff pics and/or upload them to poorly secured photobuckets, which are then raided. Someone just figured out that it would be a fun game to ALSO post the clothed pics instead on just the muff pics.
Have you ever been on the internet before? I mean, really.
Also, SF is dangerous as fuck. I mean, really.
I can't quite figure out why I think this post is more NSFW than your post about your interning for Jenny and the most bizarre porn titles ever.
Maybe because the latter will probably lead to more blow jobs while this post will lead to fewer blow jobs.
I quite like how you think that any of my posts will somehow equal more blowjobs for you. That's fantastic.
Not for me specifically …for you…or really for anyone. The world is a better place with more blow jobs in it, regardless of who is giving or receiving.
I agree with what he said. Blowjobs = World Peace.
I DO equate shootings with sex stores…just not GUNS shooting.
I accidentally stumbled upon that site AT WORK. No bueno.
32 bullets? For real? Or is that an exaggeration? Because I'd think unless you were a really lousy shot, that 32 bullets is a bit of an overkill.
Pun.
The shooter was distracted by the bonsai-esque presentation of dildos, fleshlights, and vibrators swaying gently in the window. You try staying focused with that in the background.
WHAT the fuck. Seriously! Who ARE those girls? Did the Guess Her Muff guy (or girl?) PAY these chicks to go full on vagina? Did they know their vaginas were going to end up on the internet? Also, I totally knew what I was getting into, and I STILL clicked on that link at work. You just have that kind of power over me, my dear. And let's be real honest here, I feel like you and I probably made those guesses about vaginas *before* looking at that website.
Oh, and hey Aaron! I want a blowjob too. Thanks.
People ARE weird. Who makes a website like that?
Last night, I heard a bunch of yelling from the hoodlums of my neighborhood. I don't think anyone got shot, but I'm pretty sure someone got beat up. =p
That website is awesome. I am convinced that if I had thought of it first I would be rich as hell somehow.
5: the number of friends I have linked to that site in the past 2 minutes. Hahaha you are amazing.
WHY AM I NOW HYPNOTIZED BY LABIA MAJORS?!?!
The best thing about this is that a friend of mine and I call each other "Muff" as a nickname. 100% true story.
So I remember us talking about this about a year ago in your old apartment (I can't believe that was a year ago!!!) & even then, I was like, Ehh… I don't know if I want to subject myself to that kind of scarification.
& today… I finally cured my curiosity by going on the site, after having been reminded about it by you. & oh god… MY EYES. MY EYES!
This site is hilarious & inappropriate & horrifying & semi-gratifying all bundled into one package.
& I'll probably never go back to that site again.
some of these ladies need to find a new Esthetician… some bad waxing jobs. Unless they're shaving… which is just lame. Just sayin'.
Oh. My. God. I can't believe http://www.guesshermuff.com is how I'm going to spend my next hour….
This is a true story: once I was bored and somehow ended up on the Playboy channel. There was a show where a girl had to guess her boyfriend's penis out of a glory-hole lineup.
Before enything else: I LOVE YOU. Even though you've read this many times before, and even though I know I'll look like a fangirl-stalker-something, I had to say it =) <3
On the point, this totally opened my eyes to new styles, like, I didn't knew the potencial! Oh my, I feel like revamping…
This god damn site is like the worst car crash ever. Like, I want to stop clicking, but I can't. And? I want to tell everyone I know about it.
Damn you, I just wasted 15 minutes on that site. Also, I don't think all the pictures are submitted by the girls (I'm sure some are), but I'm sure mostly guys submit the pictures of their g/fs…or maybe more likely, their exes.
I should take you to the beach…you'd save me some time.
So glad I didn't read this at work today.
I think you know you've got a good post when this is what I have to comment =0 )
How is it that you found this site in the first place?
hahahahaha
I know what i'll be doing to the next several hours.
This is hilarious AND I love the new blog design!
Well shit, now I just spent the last 20 minutes guessing her muff. It was amazingly gross and humorous and fun. I can't turn away. I like http://lovelypanties.tumblr.com/.
This one was my favorite: http://bit.ly/9PiWDI.
Wow. Thanks to both of you.
That is the first step — try:
http://isshefilthy.blogspot.com
next… it is taking it to a whole new level…
It's starting to sound like the bad parts of NYC over there. I'll send you a cosmic bullet proof vest that will protect you from bullets and stabbings, but you will still have to be rsponsible for assault with deadly lady parts and the usual emotional hurt of day to day life:( Speaking of NYC, they just passed a law here on carbon monoxide. Did you know fireplaces were a source of CO? Please don't die from CO…
The word muff makes me laugh. Every time I read it or hear it. It's just funny.
I used to live right around the corner from a sex shop (not next to a club, but next to a McDonald's…which might be worse) and someone got shot there, too! If we have to live in a world where you can't go to a sex shop without fear of being gunned down, then the terrorists have won…
GET OUT! Fucking funny! It is taking all my willpower not to go to this site immediately! Because I'm at work. Sads.
So can I guess your muff?
heh heh – this made me chuckle…
Great – just when I've got actual shit to do at work, you bring along Guess her Muff, and Grace brings along Lovely Panties, and my mind has no clue what* to do first…
*note: work wasn't an option…
I stumbled across this article yesterday – apparently MTV has also realized that they don’t really do music videos anymore…
http://tinyurl.com/y9y2hde
Must.Resist.Clicking.The.Link.
Funny stuff, Nicole. Sorry your block got shot up.
I was just going to link to the same article that Kelly posted!
Also? 32 rounds. THAT'S INSANE.
There is *totally* a sex shop in Tallahassee right next to a group of bars. And it is a perfect way to end a drunk ass evening. Unless it's roped off by yellow "police line" tape and everybody knows that shit totally ruins the mood.
Wow. I'm glad I have a TV and can waste my time with it. Otherwise, I'd be just as deranged as you. Lol. Just kidding.
Or am I?
Thanks for directing me to a site I hadn't seen before. Interesting concept. I can't help thinking about what those women must have been thinking when they posed for those photos. Keep up the good work. I find your posts to be refreshing!
Just like every single reader, whether they like to admit or not, I too of course checked out guesshermuff.
UM, OMG. That's all I have to said.
so, ok, it's all a big train wreck.
but biggest train wreck:
Girl # 1355 (http://guesshermuff.blogspot.com/2010/02/girl-135… wedding dress -> vagina, WITH SPECULUM IN HAND. why why why? i mean, i'm all for getting to know your own vag real intimately and being aware of your vaginal health, but why would that go hand in hand with someone taking a semi-sultry photo?
SPECULA ARE NOT SEXY.
WAIT WAIT WAIT. THERE'S A SECOND MUFF-PICTURE. WITH HER USING THE SPECULUM.
WTF.
i now know way too much about that girl's vaginal walls.
awesome! and thank god, i wasnt at work! :p
p.s: a very small crush meter on to my place!
Seriously Nicole, welcome to the world of being a guy (if you haven't been given honorary membership yet!) This is a game i have been playing with myself since puberty. .
Wow thats a shitty and accidental pun!
I still recall something fluffy upon reading "muff", like a muffing, squeeshy… ok I'll stop. Do guys really do that guessing game?
Btw, thank you! Friday was OK, but you better have an AWESOME WEEKEND ;D
OMG Nicole…lol…if you ever committed a crime and your computer was subpeonaed for information, detectives would have a field day with your hard drive!
I can only imagine the crazy hilarious things you find with Google.
bwahaha i've actually heard of this site before!! it didn't quite have the same effect on me though. lol. i found it disturbing.
You WOULD have that gift.
Hahaha I hope the male version of that site doesn't pop up, so to speak, any time soon. Well, I guess it wouldn't matter because I'm definitely not participating as a user or "content author"… I really hope at least one person has recognized a coworker on that site and said to themselves "I knew it!!!…aaand you're fired."
Your comedic rhythm is off the hook.
Are people still saying 'off the hook'?
Oh.
fyi, there are clubs next to sex shops here in vancouver. and no, they won't be showing them in their olympics coverage.
Here's another but without the pretending to guess….
http://www.matchthatmuff.com