Yesterday morning I got some seriously exciting news: my post, puppies, hairstyles, and the “grass is greener” syndrome, was published in The Printed Blog! Upon receiving this news, I did what any other girl would do- I called my mother.
At first, she wasn’t too excited because she doesn’t really get blogging, and therefore trying to explain The Printed Blog was a long and enfuriating process wherein I kept repeating the phrase “IT’S LIKE THE INTERNET ON PAPER,” but to no avail.
Toward the end of my explanation she caught onto the basic fact that something I wrote had been published, and she interupted me to ask, “did you use the word ‘fuck’ in print?” And I was all “yes,” and she was all, “!!!!” and I was all “but only once!” and she was like, “how are you ever going to find someone to marry you with your filthy mouth?” and I was like “YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT,” and she was like, “NICOLE,” and I was like, “CAREN.”
Which continued for about three more rounds, her bringing up topics like “what if your grandfather sees this?” and me knocking them out of the park with rebuttals such as “if grandpa reads The Printed Blog I’ll give you eleventy thousand dollars.”
When she started in on round four with a very snarky “how will you respond when this comes up in future job interviews?” I expertly ended the conversation by yelling, “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, I’M OFF TO GET A BRAZILIAN WAX,” and hung up before she had the satisfaction of launching into a “you know who else gets Brazilian waxes and uses the word ‘fuck’ in public? PORN STARS.”
Posted in: day to day shenanigans, the vagina monoblogs
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
you totally live life on the edge. lol. my mother would never understand blogging either so i dont bother to bring it up i've been blogging for practically forever.
Congrats on the first(?) publication! If this blog were ever to be compiled into a book, I will be first in line to buy. This entry is hysterical!
Ha, thanks so much! Although I think my mom would punch you out to get that first spot in line, despite her limited knowledge about blogging and her disapproval at my potty mouth.
hahahahaa I love you.
This post is hilarious… Did you see @penelopetrunks tweet today??
No, haha but I just looked at it, thanks for the heads up! Apparently Brazilian waxing is all the rage in the blogosphere today.
HAAAAAAAAAAAA. My mom is the SAME WAY. When Scott and I applied for The Amazing Race, she was all, "if you launch into four-word expletives when you make it on, I am NOT your mother!"
This post reminded me of the time I got drunk and tried to explain to my mom how Rick Sanchez (from CNN) was reading my tweets. And then tried to explain twitter. My mom asked "what other famous people read your thoughts sweetie?", as I was CRAZY or something.
thats funny. my gram would roll her eyes but would not be the least bit surprised
You're my favoritest.
yeah. picture me trying to explain vegas to my mother (that hates me) and also doesn't know how to turn a computer on. shes just like… "so, you're going on vacation with people you don't know?!" and i'm all "GOD. MOM. i DO know them. just not physically. no, they aren't serial killers."
xoxo
bwaahahha!
This is a perfect example as to why it's generally a FAIL to explain anything social media, blog and Internet related to parents and elders.
You should submit THIS blog post somewhere because it would make an excellent sitcom
High Five for getting the word "Fuck" published!!!
I had the SAME conversation with my mother after using the word "asshole" in a blog for a school project. Minus the brazilian and porn references.
You're hilarious and I'm so glad I finally made it over to your blog. Clearly I should have listened to Chelsea months ago when she told me how awesome you are! Now I am going to postpone doing work by catching up on your entire blog. Productive, aren't I.
Hahaha. That's hilarious. My mom hasn't had anything to say about my blog, but I've kept it pretty PG… so far!
Hahahaha! Ohhhh, your mom is a younger female version of my dad. He hates the fuck word. And before I was married the concern was more my filthy apartment than my filthy mouth. But now that someone has been willing to commit in sickness and health, focus is more on trying to remind me at every turn what a terrible mouth I have.
Also, congratulations!!!
I'm loving the new header! Oh, and you can bold #1 on your life list – you got published!
Yay!
Pornstars are people just like us.
Saw it in US Weekly.
Ok, ONE I need to meet your mother. And TWO, my mother has DEFINITELY commented on my blog asking me to please watch my language.
Fuck.
It's official – I love you.
Also, my mom mentioned that she read my blog and when I asked her why she didn't comment she flipped a shit. "I would NEVER do something like that!" I got a mixture of confused and offended until I realized she was saying that because she didn't know HOW to leave a comment. Ah, moms.
Ahahaha PERFECT :]
I just love a good mother-daughter bicker sesh. If I ever mention to my mom on some insane whim that I have a blog where I say 'fuck' and talk about how much I hate my co-workers, I imagine a very similar conversation would ensue.
Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!
Ahh hahaha I love mother/daughter conversations! Congrats again
hahaha yeah my mom doesn't really get blogging so much either.
Hi-larious. I love my mom. And yours now too
Heh, I love it! I think my mother and I could have a similar conversation if she understood blogging.
My mom spells her name with a C too!
But you have much funnier conversations with your mom than I do with mine.
Hahhahaa. My mom would be like–did you learn about that in Brazil, what's that?
She is also convinced that the Vegas trip might be a conspiracy of one person pretending to be many people to lure me into some sinister kidnapping trap. Because, really, how can you trust someone you meet online? On a blog?
Moms!
Ha, your mom is welcome to call me and discuss the Vegas trip anytime
This is the best thing I've read this month.
LOVE IT!
Also, what's up with Bloggers Do Vegas?
I want to get in on that
Girl, I'd love to have you there! If you do want to come, email me for details: nicole@nicoleisbetter.com
Yay! Congrats! Eleventy is a good word. I'm going to have to pull that one out more often.
Congratulations!
In other news, I was totally going to propose until I read about the "fuck."
“if grandpa reads The Printed Blog I’ll give you eleventy thousand dollars.”
HILARIOUS. and a good point
Hahahah, I love it. My mother said something similar when she found I'd gone to my own Brazilian wax appt…and I'm actually Brazilian! haha
NICOLE. CAREN.
This. This exactly.
You're the best.
your mom's name is Caren? So is mine- and spelt the same way! i've never meet anyone else who had heard of spelling it with a C! ok i totally sound like a creeper but I actually did get way too excited over this fact lol