Okay. Here goes.
I understand that with sex, as with much of anything else, people have different opinions about what’s awesome and not so awesome. For example, I know some people out there are like, “Pee on me!” whereas I’m all, “If you pee anywhere NEAR me, I’m absolutely going to punch you out.” But I mean, to each their own. Or something.
My list of things that I’d rather not experience in bed isn’t all that long. I’m very “try anything once!” as long as “anything” isn’t something massively weird and uncomfortable. Like peeing. So, when he wanted to try KY Yours + Mine lube, I was all, “Bring it.”
Because I’d seen the commercials. The ones where the couple is in bed and it’s all exploding geysers and wonderfulness and it makes you think that maybe, just maybe, KY Yours + Mine is the secret to the best sex you’ve never had.
The concept behind this particular lube, in case you aren’t familiar, is that there’s one bottle for him and one bottle for her and when they’re used together, they interact in such a way that does the geyser thing. Except for me, it was more like this:
Apply lube. Feel strange tingling. Raise eyebrows. Start having sex. Feel strange tingling escalate into fiery burning hell of dynamite being ignited over and over again in my vagina. Freak out. Push him off me. Hard. Literally RUN into the shower. Wash and wash and wash until the burning stops. Think that maybe, physically pushing someone off of you during sex isn’t the hottest thing. Get out of the shower. Check your vagina for permanent damage. Or burn marks. Or dynamite residue. Get dressed. Stomp around angrily. Yell about chastity belts and celibacy vows. Go to bed alone.
Upon telling one of my girlfriends this story, she’s all, “Why don’t you give it another try?” and I’m like, “If somebody shot you in the leg with a cannon, and you didn’t enjoy it, would you give THAT another try?” And she goes, “That’s so not the same thing.” And I’m all, “Of course it’s not the same thing, I care about my vagina WAY MORE than I care about my fucking LEG.”
{ 65 comments… read them below or add one }
HILARIOUS.
And I totally agree. About any lube by KY, really. I do not need a scented, tingly or numb vagina, thanks anyway. The best lubes are water based, not sticky. You know, for future reference.
Haha! Thanks for the heads up, now I know what not to try.
& I completely agree about KY lube being the worst- horrible! Sticky mess everywhere.. not exactly what I'm looking for in that situation. Or ever.
Hahahaha! You're not the first to have experienced the dynamite. Not a fan either. lol
I fucking love you.
Yeah…it's really not a warming sensation as much as a BURNING sensation.
So…did it hurt HIM?
That sounds remarkably uncomfortable. I think I'd rather get peed on.
Yes, the warming sensation feels terrible & disgusting. Like something is swollen & pustule or something. Yikes.
hahahaha, sound advice
LMAO.
My uncomfortable experience happened with my college BF with a condom that had spermicide on it. Turns out I was allergic and I found that out the hard way. My poor girl SWELLED up to a scary size and I had to ice her. That's right. I iced my vagina. I did make it through the sex part though.
The same thing happens with me and the minty tingling lubes or condoms. They burn like the dickens!! I think I'm allergic to it.
YES YES YES. I'm so glad this got blogged. And as we've discussed in outside voices in quiet restaurants, I am SO WITH YOU. NOT AWESOME. NO NO NO.
OMG! I had the SAME experience. I was like, "wow this is really warm"… "ahhh, it's REALLY warm" and my boyfriend was all like, "wow, this is really COLD, like REALLY cold". We thought that might have been the whole point but it really didn't work out too well for us, either. Definitely NOT worth the $20.
I'm guessing this couldn't have been user error.
Let me just say this. I agreed to let my last boyfriend give the ol' backdoor a try (because I was DRUNK and STUPID), after months of begging (I had done it before, ya know, try anything once, and knew I wasn't a huge fan). He reached into my nightstand drawer of naughty and pulled out some lube. What he failed to realize? It was the WARMING, TINGLY lube. Ahem, on my bumhole. No thank you. I screamed and squirmed and then started laughing my ass off. As I ran for the shower, a towel, some ice, whatever. I could NOT stop laughing.
Oh man, that is hilarious — and scary! Thanks for blogging this! I was quite curious about that stuff and now you've just saved me $20 and a very strange experience! After reading all the comments … I wonder if there's anyone who actually likes that dynamite madness?!
At least you didn't get peed on:) I'm glad you had an awesome time in Chicago!
Cheers!
I absolutely adore you. Or maybe I am just glad to have found some one else that uses and loves the word VAGINA as much as I do!
Just had to comment on this one. We don't have this particular lube in theUk, but we do have Durex's version and boy did i run to the bathroom after using it. Leaping off half way through just aint sexy… who the hell did they test this stuff on? Women with no nerve endings….?
hilarious! i'm not a fan of anything that makes me feel like i have an STD.
I had the same response to KY Warming Liquid. Ummm warming?! Why do I need extra warming when I have FRICTION creating HEAT?! That shit hurt. Don't try that either.
And will we be seeing this particular guy again?
I feel this way about anything with spermicide. Keep that devil junk away from my vag, thankyouverymuch.
I'm a let's try anything once kind of gal… except now my exceptions to this rule not only include that a guy better get nowhere near my backdoor, nor may they use KY of any sort.
I'm not going to lie: I laughed out loud to this post. But I will say that if something like this happened to me, I would have the SAME REACTION. PERIOD. End of story.
I saw the commercials and wondered and now I know not to give it a try. Just in case I have the same reaction…
Yeah, I'd steer clear of that. Actually, thanks to your PSA here I will never ever try that stuff. EVER.
haha. okay never going to use that one. i prefer my vagina to not catch fire.
Awesome story! I'd kinda been curious about it, and like the girl above, I won't be trying it either. Plain KY burns, this stuff'd probably just kill me.
i am definitely not a fan of any of those tingly "warm sensation" dynamite lubes…it's all lies!!!!!
And even tho I know all of that I was STILL curious about that his&hers lube. So thank you for clearing that up for me ;D
Never saw your new header until this post and I realize it's completely appropriate.
Also — no, do not try it again. Might be an allergic reaction.
Additionally, physically pushing someone off of you during sex is something I find to be hilarious no matter which partner is doing what.
This reminds me of the time my buddy put Icy/Hot on his balls. There's no story attached to that, he was in pain just like you, except he willingly did this for kicks.
Omg, the same thing happened to my best friend!!! I am officially never trying it. Ever.
God I love this story. You make me slightly terrified and excited by lube but honestly, I fear it would be just like your experience and, well I don't want that.
AMAAAAAAAAAZING post. i laughed out loud so hard i almost peed. forget the lube. use vibrators instead. and never EVER try anything that burns your vagina twice. WHO IS THIS FRIEND???
well there goes my idea for an anniversary present.
HYSTERICAL post!! I love it! Well not really but love that you posted about it! I think that its safe to say that we've all been there a time or two!!
Hope you're enjoying your adventuer!
This makes me so sad. As someone who simply cannot WAIT to get it on when she's married, I was really looking forward to spicing things up with some his and hers. But not literally spicing things up. Maybe you can list some things that you do recommend trying?
well are you allergic to lube? because i thought i had an std once because my vagina was on fire so i went to the emergency room for 8 HOURS while they tested me for everything from chlamydia to swine flu. then they told me nothing was wrong. then i realized i was allergic to SPERMICIDE. and it makes me fucking burn like hell. does that KY shit have spermicide in it? because that defeats the purpose. it's lube, not birth control. also I MISS YOU. also WHO wanted to have his and her KY experience with you???? besides me. except it would be her and her KY experience and it would involve grey's anatomy and wine. and pornotube. love you!
I'm not sure I've ever laughed harder in my life.
That is sooo true! It's bad enough that I feel a burning sensation when I have sex, I don't think I can handle using lube.
My first experience was sponsored by KY Jelly. JELLY.
Disgusting.
I can no longer support anything that KY produced nor any decision that particular boyfriend ever makes.
Traveling makes you write more! So awesome! Now, anyway, I'm trying not to LOL in my office as I read this and the other funny comments as well. Could it be that a certain ratio should be used? What if the guy only puts on a smidge and the girl puts on even less…would that affect the outcome? I mean, most people would just assume to slather most products on. Not that I condone trying it again. The dynamite line just kills me!
Um, holy fucking ouch! I think the next time my husband is all raising his eyebrows all sexy like when that commercial comes on, I'm gonna have to alert him of the possible side effect of VAGINA BURN.
Note to self: do not read Nicole's blog at work again =)
I've never heard of anyone having that kind of reaction; that's just awful. I think you should write KY and tell them what happened!
OMG I just peed myself a little, not ON anyone and I was certainly not having sex and reading your blog. But OMG that was funny!
I fully agree! I don't think there's a woman out there that enjoys the burning vagina sensation! (P.S. I almost spit Vitamin Water at my screen while reading this.)
we tried it and… I dunno she seemed to like it. It didn't necessarily make it better, but it certainly made it faster. I remember she said she was getting annoyed because she could tell that I was getting close and she was no where near close–Oh wait–holy shit–yes!!! and that was that.
We wanted to try the KY Intense, but couldn't bring ourselves to pay $25 for a tiny little bottle.
Of course now they're sitting in the nightstand unused so…
hahahaha Love it
You have done a public service. I wanted to try that stuff. Now? Not so much. Sorry you had to experience it!
OMG AWFUL!!!! I will now never try that stuff. Ever.
Yes, it isn't good. I compared it to rubbing vick's vapor rub all over my girlie bits!
Hah! Amazing post. What happened to the guy? Did he freak out too because you freaked out?
I have felt your pain…
I received that shit for my bachelorette party from a friend who said, "I don't want to know details but I DO want to know if it's worth it."
FUCK NO.
OUCH.
you are so not chaste
That stuff is probably a step down from ICY HOT/Tiger Balm/BenGay…..bad idea!! Remember Sex Ed….if it burns….it is BAAAAD!!
HAHA. So a long time ago I was with a guy and we tried this stuff that was supposed to intensify sex and make it last. you know what it did? NUMBED EVERYTHING. FOR DAYS. I washed and washed and it was horrible.
good lord, I love you so much!
Words cannot express how grateful I am you posted this because I see the commercial and think "hm, that sounds like a good time." Now, I'm avoiding KY completely. Not just Yours + Mine or whatever, but the entire brand name.
Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the heads up!
Okay, you are now my new Hero! Just be careful there, all right??? LOL and yeah, I get the no pee rule, what the heck???
billi jean
Oh my GOD after reading this consider me subscribed. I am laughing so hard I can't see straight.
Scott and I tried that ONCE–no more–years ago, and had the SAME occurrence, both of us. It was horrendous.
happened to me to. Sexy?….mmm not so much.
OMG…it's not just me! We tried it once and it did it and almost a year later tried it again and it did the same thing. I was beginning to think something was wrong with me but it's the same KY yours + mine and it started with the tingling and more tingling and then burning so bad tears started coming down cause he couldn't grab a washcloth fast enough. Bad situation. I just wanna know why in the world it does this? We are normal people. With normal vaginas. So what's the deal?!
oh my geez my vagina was on fire and soooo irritated! we had to sop having sex and I was sore for two days.