When I first got the email, I thought it was maybe some kind of joke. So I read it again and apparently no, it wasn’t a joke and the crazy people at Intel actually were inviting me to attend their Youth Rock Stars Summit at the Intel Headquarters and I was going to get put up in a hotel and by the by I would also be getting a FREE NETBOOK FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON and was I maybe interested in coming?

I mean, what? No seriously, tell me who is too busy or in possession of too many computers to be all, “You know, actually, I’m all set on a really nice hotel room and a delicious dinner and a behind the scenes tour of Intel and a tiny little computer that’s so cute you can basically put it in your pocket and pet it because it’s so little and oh yeah also it’s TOTALLY FREE??”

No one I know, that’s who.

Which is to say, of course I went to the Youth Rock Stars Summit last month and of course the entire time I was all darting around with my eyes, checking out the social media bloggers and the tech bloggers and the PR people and I was like, “Do they know that I’m wildly inappropriate and that I blog mostly about my vagina?” and I kept waiting for someone to kick me out but it never happened and apparently they really *did* know that I’m wildly inappropriate and that I blog mostly about my vagina and therefore no one was surprised when we went around the room and shared the things we knew about Intel prior to coming to the event and everyone was like, “processors and chips and blah blah computer stuff” and all I heard was “blah blah shit that I don’t understand but if you’d like to talk about wine and sex toys I promise I’ll have something much more coherent to say” and yet I somehow managed to put together a sentence that was more or less, “Intel = computers?” and everyone laughed and I’m thinking no seriously, give me some fucking techie CliffsNotes and then I didn’t know what else to do because the speaker, Mario Paniccia, went back to his presentation and he was off on some tangent about copper and conductivity or maybe it wasn’t about copper or conductivity at all but who the hell knows because everyone was live tweeting smart shit and all I could think to do was tweet about how hot Mario is and tag it #IntelYouth like they told us to do all day and I know I know, but WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SHENANIGANS DID THEY EXPECT WHEN THEY SENT ME THE DAMN EMAIL INVITATION IN THE FIRST PLACE.

And here’s the fucking craziest thing, IT HAPPENED AGAIN. The email invitation thing I mean, except this time it was less about computers and more about cars and food because Best of Tours was asking if I would maybe like to spend the entire day being driven around San Francisco in brand new Chevy vehicles, eating delicious street food for free and also there’s a gift bag at the end that has truffles and jam except they didn’t mention the gift bag up front but I went anyway and that was just a glorious surprise when it happened.

So that’s what I did yesterday. I drove around in a Camaro and ate hot dogs and creme brulee and all kinds of other street food and the moral of this story is that I’m pretty stoked that people seem to want me and my vagina at events that have nothing to do with me or my vagina but please keep it coming because I love free shit and I love being the person that everyone who is actually supposed to be at the event raises an eyebrow at as they’re all, “I checked out your blog” in a way that really means, “What the fucking fuck fuck are you doing here?” and I smile and say, “Oh yeah?” in a way that actually means, “DUDE I KNOW RIGHT??”

In conclusion, please keep inviting me to your really cool shit at which I don’t belong and I’ll keep coming and hitting on the presenters and eating the free food and enjoying the swag. Or, alternatively, if you don’t have a cool event to invite me to you should probably just invite me over to your house instead and we’ll bake coffee cake and drink tea unless of course you don’t like coffee cake or tea in which case we probably shouldn’t be friends in the first place.