Comments on: how to survive the hookup culture http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture deliciously vulgar Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:33:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=7285 By: kim kim http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-18438 kim kim Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:18:13 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-18438 I really enjoyed this blog. Its nice to dream :) I really enjoyed this blog. Its nice to dream :)

]]> By: Sarah http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-18403 Sarah Wed, 21 Jul 2010 04:26:58 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-18403 Just found your blog today and I am already a big fan. Good stuff Nicole, very enjoyable to read. Shit is fuuunnnnyyy! There is so much here I can relate to. Just found your blog today and I am already a big fan. Good stuff Nicole, very enjoyable to read. Shit is fuuunnnnyyy! There is so much here I can relate to.

]]> By: Golda http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-18348 Golda Sun, 18 Jul 2010 06:34:38 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-18348 I have that guy and he is my first :) you write beautifully and it is because of you i appreciate him more and he will get a surprise today. thank you :) I have that guy and he is my first :)
you write beautifully and it is because of you i appreciate him more and he will get a surprise today. thank you :)

]]> By: Shane http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-18287 Shane Thu, 15 Jul 2010 10:57:36 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-18287 I am kind of that guy being talked about in the article. I didn't even know such a world casualness existed (you might say I am old-fashioned) until I met my current girlfriend. I haven't had sex with so many girls in my life, so it surprised me to hear that she had have so many guys. But the thing that really got me is that she did virtually crumble under the preassure of not being able to find a true boyfriend, they were all just out for the sex. One thing that might have added to this was that she isn't that particularily beautiful, but has a very good heart (which is why I love her). Guys being out for sex did have an easy go on her because of this and because of her desparation. She was so desparate to turn this getting laid thing into something serious, that she got really depressed. In the end, howevever, it didn't really matter to her that much. She knew that it would make her miserable. In the end, she thought it's about her that guys don't want her as a true girlfriend, but only for the sex. She then went on getting laid a lot, knowing exactly that she would feel miserable, and using this as sort of a punishment on her, as something to cause herself deliberate emotional pain. At some point, she was even close to suicde. Then I picked her up in a really horrifying emotional condtion. Now she's with me and I care for her truly and upright as it's supposed to be. Believe me, this hook-up culture does benefit no one but men. Women, despite being oh-so feminized and equal in standing, cannot have casual sex without feeling the need for deeper attachment. If this goes on like it does we'll have generations of young suicidal women and over-confident asshole males walking around the streets. I am kind of that guy being talked about in the article. I didn’t even know such a world casualness existed (you might say I am old-fashioned) until I met my current girlfriend. I haven’t had sex with so many girls in my life, so it surprised me to hear that she had have so many guys. But the thing that really got me is that she did virtually crumble under the preassure of not being able to find a true boyfriend, they were all just out for the sex. One thing that might have added to this was that she isn’t that particularily beautiful, but has a very good heart (which is why I love her). Guys being out for sex did have an easy go on her because of this and because of her desparation. She was so desparate to turn this getting laid thing into something serious, that she got really depressed. In the end, howevever, it didn’t really matter to her that much. She knew that it would make her miserable. In the end, she thought it’s about her that guys don’t want her as a true girlfriend, but only for the sex. She then went on getting laid a lot, knowing exactly that she would feel miserable, and using this as sort of a punishment on her, as something to cause herself deliberate emotional pain. At some point, she was even close to suicde. Then I picked her up in a really horrifying emotional condtion. Now she’s with me and I care for her truly and upright as it’s supposed to be.
Believe me, this hook-up culture does benefit no one but men. Women, despite being oh-so feminized and equal in standing, cannot have casual sex without feeling the need for deeper attachment. If this goes on like it does we’ll have generations of young suicidal women and over-confident asshole males walking around the streets.

]]> By: Greg http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-18077 Greg Sun, 27 Jun 2010 19:55:08 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-18077 chris, james, alex....you all are 100% right...if you are a "nice guy", you will never get attractive girls.....EVER...well...u might get them for a few weeks and then when they release your not a fucking douchebag they drop u like a bad habit....ive had to go through this shit and learned my lessons the hard way...got fed up with all the heartbreak and decided to join the hookup culture and change the way I act towards females and it's amazing how much better girls respond to you when you are a dick to them chris, james, alex….you all are 100% right…if you are a “nice guy”, you will never get attractive girls…..EVER…well…u might get them for a few weeks and then when they release your not a fucking douchebag they drop u like a bad habit….ive had to go through this shit and learned my lessons the hard way…got fed up with all the heartbreak and decided to join the hookup culture and change the way I act towards females and it’s amazing how much better girls respond to you when you are a dick to them

]]> By: Andrew http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-17960 Andrew Wed, 16 Jun 2010 04:05:11 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-17960 Also, dinosaurs even share my opinion. http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1734 Also, dinosaurs even share my opinion.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1734

]]> By: Andrew http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-17840 Andrew Tue, 08 Jun 2010 07:37:07 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-17840 Part 2: 4) Walk of shame? That phrase has started to upset me in the past few years. Why can't a "grown ass woman" fuck a guy (who consents) when she feels like it and then walk home in the morning enjoying the sunrise. Is there something shameful about consensual sex? If you were drunk and had sex (sometimes classified as rape, the current laws are poorly written about this) when you otherwise wouldn't, should a woman feel shameful for being raped? Change in the social system starts with a change in language. 5) "A guy who doesn’t follow the damn dating rules." Isn't this what you were complaining about. That he wasn't following the dating rules in the first place (i.e. not calling you)? Now you want a guy who doesn't follow them? Is there a difference between a past generation's dating rules and the modern one's that you aren't making clear? 6) "A guy who tries aggressively to get to know you. Who, once he does, isn’t afraid to admit that he’s straight up and down crazy about you." Well hopefully you like him too. Because otherwise you might have a stalker or another Young Werther to deal with. I want to like your blog, the design is interesting and you seem to enjoy writing, but it does upset me when someone is willing to sacrifice their autonomy because of societal conventions or out of some desperate non-life-sustaining desire. Especially when so many people agree with the sentiment. Maybe it is different on the West Coast, but here in the American South it isn't the end of the world to be single and women are asserting their autonomy in the dating world. Maybe we are just more progressive. Wait? What? Part 2:
4) Walk of shame? That phrase has started to upset me in the past few years. Why can’t a “grown ass woman” fuck a guy (who consents) when she feels like it and then walk home in the morning enjoying the sunrise. Is there something shameful about consensual sex? If you were drunk and had sex (sometimes classified as rape, the current laws are poorly written about this) when you otherwise wouldn’t, should a woman feel shameful for being raped? Change in the social system starts with a change in language.
5) “A guy who doesn’t follow the damn dating rules.” Isn’t this what you were complaining about. That he wasn’t following the dating rules in the first place (i.e. not calling you)? Now you want a guy who doesn’t follow them? Is there a difference between a past generation’s dating rules and the modern one’s that you aren’t making clear?
6) “A guy who tries aggressively to get to know you. Who, once he does, isn’t afraid to admit that he’s straight up and down crazy about you.” Well hopefully you like him too. Because otherwise you might have a stalker or another Young Werther to deal with.

I want to like your blog, the design is interesting and you seem to enjoy writing, but it does upset me when someone is willing to sacrifice their autonomy because of societal conventions or out of some desperate non-life-sustaining desire. Especially when so many people agree with the sentiment. Maybe it is different on the West Coast, but here in the American South it isn’t the end of the world to be single and women are asserting their autonomy in the dating world. Maybe we are just more progressive. Wait? What?

]]> By: Andrew http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-17839 Andrew Tue, 08 Jun 2010 07:36:33 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-17839 Part 1: My friend pointed me to your site and I have what I think is helpful criticism, but may just comes off as feminist ranting. 1) Why don't you call the guy. If you exchanged numbers you have every opportunity that he does to make that first date move. If the guy is going to feel emasculated that you called him instead and insists that he must have control over the situation by being the one to communicate first, then maybe you should focus your attention on someone who isn't a misogynist. 2) "Wish desperately that you lived in the 1950s." Maybe I am only remembering the negative parts of this time period but the rampant domestic abuse and the control that a husband had over his wife that was considered not only socially acceptable but proper is disturbing if not disgusting. Also, as I recall it, courting was more of a high school thing that you did before you got married by 20, usually by engaging in unsafe sex and being forced into a loveless marriage by pregnancy. Not my idea of the golden days. 3) While I am a strong supporter of the sex-positive movement and don't have a problem with hookups in theory, the drunken part worries me. Because legally, intoxication negates the ability to consent and lack of consent is (potential? depends on interpretation) rape by either party. Not to mention that safe sex is not always practiced with the same fervor when drunk. Risky, risky. If the hookup lifestyle makes you unhappy, you could always... not participate. Consensual (non obligatory) hookups = :) Drunken hookups = :( Part 1:
My friend pointed me to your site and I have what I think is helpful criticism, but may just comes off as feminist ranting.

1) Why don’t you call the guy. If you exchanged numbers you have every opportunity that he does to make that first date move. If the guy is going to feel emasculated that you called him instead and insists that he must have control over the situation by being the one to communicate first, then maybe you should focus your attention on someone who isn’t a misogynist.
2) “Wish desperately that you lived in the 1950s.” Maybe I am only remembering the negative parts of this time period but the rampant domestic abuse and the control that a husband had over his wife that was considered not only socially acceptable but proper is disturbing if not disgusting. Also, as I recall it, courting was more of a high school thing that you did before you got married by 20, usually by engaging in unsafe sex and being forced into a loveless marriage by pregnancy. Not my idea of the golden days.
3) While I am a strong supporter of the sex-positive movement and don’t have a problem with hookups in theory, the drunken part worries me. Because legally, intoxication negates the ability to consent and lack of consent is (potential? depends on interpretation) rape by either party. Not to mention that safe sex is not always practiced with the same fervor when drunk. Risky, risky. If the hookup lifestyle makes you unhappy, you could always… not participate.
Consensual (non obligatory) hookups = :)
Drunken hookups = :(

]]> By: Samantha http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-17565 Samantha Mon, 10 May 2010 02:05:44 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-17565 Wow this is a great entry. I found this from a friend's blog and loved it. I honestly never dated until my senior year in high school because EVERYONE was going by the "dating rules" and they'd hang out and it was just so childish to me... I wanted to wait until I could find something REAL and SERIOUS. Being with someone is not a game, in my opinion. I was lucky enough to find someone who would ask ME on a date. We went on a couple of dates before he asked me out, but I didn't accept until two months later... It felt soon and I wasn't ready, but eventually I decided I was ready to take it to the next level. We have been very happy for a year now. But you know, the guy that we all dream about -- I really don't think he exists. People say there are guys like that out there in the world... but I beg to differ. My boyfriend was PERFECT in the beginning. He was always so sweet and sincere, he acted so caring, and he always held the door for me (even when getting in and out of the vehicle!). Now, after a year of being together, I know he can be very stubborn, lazy,insensitive, and selfish at times... But I guess every relationship has their ups and downs. Wow this is a great entry. I found this from a friend’s blog and loved it. I honestly never dated until my senior year in high school because EVERYONE was going by the “dating rules” and they’d hang out and it was just so childish to me… I wanted to wait until I could find something REAL and SERIOUS. Being with someone is not a game, in my opinion. I was lucky enough to find someone who would ask ME on a date. We went on a couple of dates before he asked me out, but I didn’t accept until two months later… It felt soon and I wasn’t ready, but eventually I decided I was ready to take it to the next level. We have been very happy for a year now. But you know, the guy that we all dream about — I really don’t think he exists. People say there are guys like that out there in the world… but I beg to differ. My boyfriend was PERFECT in the beginning. He was always so sweet and sincere, he acted so caring, and he always held the door for me (even when getting in and out of the vehicle!). Now, after a year of being together, I know he can be very stubborn, lazy,insensitive, and selfish at times… But I guess every relationship has their ups and downs.

]]> By: Jeff http://nicoleisbetter.com/how-to-survive-the-hookup-culture#comment-17357 Jeff Sat, 24 Apr 2010 00:07:47 +0000 http://nicoleisbetter.com/?p=1192#comment-17357 So I've spent the past hour browsing blogs (a lame way to spend a Friday evening, right?), and I've found yours to be by far the most entertaining, and this post is just awesome! (by which I mean, it's got energy and sincerity and humor all in one, by which I do not mean your "simply but not easy" solution to surviving the hookup culture isn't a little idealistic, but I like it anyway.) And I wasn't going to leave a comment, but someone else left a comment on April 1st, so I figured it wasn't too late. Bravo! So I’ve spent the past hour browsing blogs (a lame way to spend a Friday evening, right?), and I’ve found yours to be by far the most entertaining, and this post is just awesome! (by which I mean, it’s got energy and sincerity and humor all in one, by which I do not mean your “simply but not easy” solution to surviving the hookup culture isn’t a little idealistic, but I like it anyway.) And I wasn’t going to leave a comment, but someone else left a comment on April 1st, so I figured it wasn’t too late.
Bravo!

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