When you haven’t been through a rough break up in a while, you forget how soul shattering it really is.
Until someone you care about gets thrown into the depths of it, and then all of those forgotten memories tumble out. You immediately hear your past pain echoing in their questions. You remember frantically asking the same things, like how the hell you were expected to live without him and what, exactly, the purpose was of getting out of bed ever again.
I don’t know that I have an answer to those questions, but for me, the process went something like this:
Get broken up with. Cry so much that you’re literally positive it’s never going to end. Call your mom. Question the purpose of life and every single thing you’ve ever done. Call your dad. Call anyone who will listen to you sob hysterically for 45 minutes without even attempting to form a sentence.
Feel embarrassed for being such a disaster case. Call your mom again. And again. Have a nervous breakdown and consider admitting yourself to the local hospital for some sort of tranquilizer/coma inducer.
Realize they probably don’t induce coma on demand. Decide instead to fly across the country and spend the weekend with your mom. Cry more. Obsess. Email him and suggest being friends. Cry when he says it’s too soon. Cry more. Stare angrily at people who tell you that “everyone goes through this.” Attempt to cut people who go so far as to suggest that “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Cry more.
Eat way too much for a while. Eat way too little to compensate. Cry. Sleep a lot. Whine to everyone who will listen about how you’re positive he’s over you and also positive that you’ll never get over him. Ever. Throw things at their face when they insist that you’re wrong.
Get wildly drunk. Get even more wildly drunk and yell about the unfair cruelty of life. Use lots of obscenities. Pass out. Repeat. Hook up with inappropriate men. Cry. Repeat. Think about him when you first wake up, and then think about him all day, and then again before you go to sleep. Berate yourself for thinking about him so much. Miss class. Cry.
Agree to be friends with him because he’s ready. Flirt. Fly out to visit him without telling anyone, knowing that you couldn’t find a single person who would think it’s a good idea. Sleep with him. Tell yourself that you’re “totally fine being friends with benefits.” Feel happy again. Somehow manage to convince yourself that sleeping with him regularly while you’re both home on break is a glorious idea.
Completely lose your shit at the airport when you realize that in fact, you’re NOT FINE and it’s NOT a glorious idea. Finally decide to stop speaking to him until you’re ready, whatever that means. Cut him out of your life. Put a little pink star in your planner for every day that you don’t talk to him. Feel insanely proud when you get to three stars. Cry. Attempt to move on with your life.
Get to 10 stars. Cry, but less frequently. Get to 20 stars. Realize he’s not always the first thing you think about in the morning. Stop crying. Get to 30 stars. Literally throw yourself a party. Continue with the stars and the daily managing of the pain.
Realize that your mom might not have been a complete and total crack addict when she said that time was the only thing that could heal you.
Posted in: day to day shenanigans, how to
{ 211 comments… read them below or add one }
For me, the hooking up with inappropriate men has always been the most prominent part.
Hopefully you live in Houstonand just broke up with someone and need to hook up,LOL
Me too. I cry only in private, and don’t tell my mom or pretty much anyone. But the hooking up with inappropriate men? *sigh* Wish I could erase that part.
heartbreak is brutal….
heartbreak is the most painful thing anyone can ever experience. It hurts even more so when it’s being rubbed in your face. It really makes you feel as if life is no longer worth going through. but if your life feels like it is over because someone broke up with you, then at least you can say one thing. At least you can say that you were really in love. and I guess that’s got to count for something. Even if right now it feels like nothing.
How do you deal with it? I’m still in love with a boy, and for awhile I was over him until his nasty girlfriend did some really creepy things and I got involved in it and it just opened up all those wounds. And I had been doing so well; I had even started to have feelings for another person. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so in love with him and he had once loved me. I have been heartbroken since fall 2010. How?
You were the one who really had the true meaning of love! If he loved you truely in his heart he would never be able to be with any other woman, so you are the real winner!
I absolutely love this post and could have truly used it back in the day.
Yep. That’s about right.
Amen sista.
I totally could have used this post, and you as a friend, when I went through the same thing. I literally felt like nothing was worth getting out of bed. And no one had anything to say that made any sense. But you, and this post. If only I’d had it to read when it happened to me…
That story is a familiar one, except condense it all into a four-week time period (minus sleeping with the ex, and replace flying to my mom’s to my dad’s) and that was my break-up experience. It’s tough to go through, but then you suddenly realize that things get just a little easier day by day.
How about when he pulls you aside once you’ve finally started pulling yourself together and tells you he has made a mistake and wishes he could turn back time – all while he is seeing someone else, with no intention of breaking up with them. You convince yourself that he is sincere and resort to sleeping in his clothes again, only to finally let yourself see that no, he wasn’t sincere, he’s over it, and you are clearly not.
The inappropriate men part rings too true.
I just decided to think of reasons to hate my ex.
It made the getting over him part way easier. (I was the dumpee, but still! It can hurt, a lot, to do what’s right for you.)
My current relationship has caused me more heartbreak than any break up ever did. Things are great now, but holy hell. Let’s just say him living with 9 girls on the other side of the country did not lead to good things, mmm kay?
This is so poignantly true and relatable, and also kind of hilarious. I love the staring angrily and the attempting to cut people.
Sigh. For a long time, I buried her so deep after my own deconstructed burnt out process, quite similar to what you’ve described above, that I was several years passed and already into THE really great relationship of my life (still going strong) before I literally had to dig her up and crack open the box I put her into (she put me into?) so the air and the dirt and the worms could break her down. I literally had to purge her from my mind and body.
Gretchen and I were apartment hunting and after several shitty, grimy, run-down apartments, I was beginning to feel quite ill. We stopped for gatorade — which used to be my go to drink for nearly every ailment — and I was beginning to doubt my ability to make the round to our last prospect. We got to the place, met the upstairs landlady, and had a look around. I immediately felt better and knew this was the place and upon leaving my illness slowly reestablished itself, bringing my body to a fever of 102F.
Gretchen put me to bed and joined me a few minutes later and that’s when I realized what was going on: it was two years to the day, to the hour, that my heart had been shattered into a million little pieces.
I didn’t know what to do, I was delirious, and so lacking any other plan or recourse, I just began to talk aloud — to Gretchen only because she was with me at the moment (and I’m so glad she was) — about what happened that night. I dissolved into tears, curled up into Gretchen, and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, my fever was gone and I felt light, airy, and best of all: free.
The whole ordeal still hurts — I guess that’s why heart’s are broken. Please give your friend some love from a fellow love-scarred veteran, even though they might not hear what you have to say.
This happened to me! I got super sick out of nowhere and then realized it had been exactly a year since the devastation of the broken heart. Crazy, crazy stuff. The heart remembers even when we do our best to forget.
Jamie’s post really tossed me into the middle of those feelings again, and into remembering how when you’re in othat place everything is a conscious decision that takes effort. Thinking about the person, or not thinking about the person. Trying not to talk about them. Trying not to call.
The worst for me was that my Ex and I tried to stay friends and would tell eachother about the people we were dating. At length. And cry on the phone to each other about how we were dating other people. It was brutal. But I’m glad I’ve had that experience because it’s not sustainable to feel that way, and I learned my rule:
No matter how sad and depressed I am, I can only feel that way for five days. Then, just physically, I start to feel better because I don’t have the energy to feed that sustained sadness.
Knowing that has been really freeing.
I absolutely loved this post, Nicole. You said it better than I ever could have. I probably went through every emotion you listed. You’re a great writer.
Where is this hooking up with inappropriate men happening because I want to be one of those guys.
It just seems easier this way.
Yes to all of this.
Proof once again that Mom’s always know best.
Amen.
I finally took a semester off from school to separate myself from it. I stayed in my room for a week and if I wasn’t crying, I was reading (note I didn’t say eating). Then my mom gave me this book on divorce and said that break-ups can sometimes be like a death, and you go through a period of grief and the chapter on grief was something I should read. It was interesting, I knew they were talking about me because everything in that chapter was exactly what I was dealing with. I think I lost 10-15 pounds.
Then when I went back to school we managed to become friends again when his new girlfriend broke up with him, then we started hooking up because I was lonely and he was willing. But our “friendship” was so toxic, I graduated and even if we talked on the phone it turned into a fight because we just brought out the worst in each other. So I finally told him (on my birthday) that we should never speak again, I deleted his number from my phone.
Months upon months later I randomly received a call from him, he told me he missed me and all I could say was “thank you.” Then he asked if he lived here if it would be different, if we’d have another chance and I was so proud of myself when I was able to say, “No, I don’t think so.”
I really liked the way you put this. It’s sort of what i’m going through right now.
Oh wow. This could have been a cookie cutter of my relationship in college. It’s so scary to think about going through that again! I wish your friend all the best.
you hit the nail on the head nicole.
yeah this sounds about right. time is pretty much the only answer all the time.
“Literally throw yourself a party.”
o_O
Was this the apartment party or some party I wasn’t invited to?
Beautiful post. I don’t think it’s ever really possible to remain friends with someone you’ve been in love with unless both people are equally invested in the break-up. It’s too painful.
The pink stars — wow, why didn’t I think of that??
This is totally spot-on.
this is the most accurate depiction i’ve yet to hear, and nearly identical (including the flying out and sleeping with him, the party for yourself, etc) to my experience. minus the pink stars.
ive only had one huge crazy sad breakup. i hope they all don’t go this way. i would like to say ive learned from being such a big baby.
Yep, except you forgot about asking your best guy friend to “beat him up.”
sounds about right except I’d have to throw in “sleeping with your ex WHILE dating the rebound guy” Yeah, bad times. But we’re stronger for them!!
You’re fantastic.
I’m just glad I’m with someone whose going to stick.
Welp. Aside from the flying part, that’s pretty much a true story for me, too. We must be sisters!
This is so perfectly written. I never had to deal with things to that degree (in the one serious relationship I had before my husband, I ended up being the one doing the dumping, although that is a long story in itself…) but I’ve had sisters and best friends deal with everything you so perfectly described.
No matter how tough it is, no matter how it tears you apart, time helps put the pieces back together. Slowly, but surely.
It’s not just time that heals you…it’s the pink stars. Definitely the pink stars.
I totally feel you. Currently going through a breakup myself. Bring on the crying!!
my boyfriend and i broke up on wednesday….i cant stop crying. wow! today especially.
From me: a sigh, a nod.
Well, it sounds like we all go through the same misery. Your post sounds exactly right, though I think it took more than 30 stars before I stopped thinking about him first thing when I woke up. I’m still at the point where I would like to get through 2 days in a row without even thinking about him.
Sharing some blog LOVE on this fine V-Day Eve! Thanks for the good reads!
http://shesgotchutzpah.blogspot.com/2009/02/lucky-girl.html
Pick your fave 10 and pass it on!
It’s such a strange experience. Before it happened to me, I did not get it. I couldn’t really understand the pain and the hurt that my friends/siblings were going through.
And then it DOES happen to you and you completely understand. I’ve always felt a special bond with someone going through heartbreak. Because it’s one of the human emotions that you can really relate to – you really understand how they are feeling.
Very well written and very accurate!
yeah. just… yeah.
That’s a great post! A broken heart is a nightmare to repair
Dead on… though you forgot the part about listening to way too much Ben Harper on repeat. Le sigh.
I completely agree with everything you said. I think we’ve all been there or will be there, at some point in our lives.
Makes for great blogging, though.
i drink the pain away
That was a great description of a uniquely irrational progression that we as humans (for better or worse) repeat throughout our lifetimes.
I started “whatever” with an ex’ for awhile, and I kept it really quiet…partly because I knew it was a bad idea, and partly because I knew it wouldn’t last once it got out.
Things changes, life happens, and then we look back and wonder why it took so long….forgetting that change isn’t something we plan, it is something we experience.
Oh, I’ve been through the breakup thing…. the hardest thing to hear is “It will get better!”
I can’t tell you how many people told me this during my breaks. And I can’t tell you how many peoples necks I wanted to break for telling me this. I don’t want to hear “It WILL get better” I want to FEEL better now.
Most important part of Breaking is the No Contact thing, though. It’s essential…
This post had me laughing SO HARD!!! I love you and you’re completely right. It looks like our breakup processes are very similar, minus the pink stars on the calendar – which I loved!!
As a guy, this list is very funny to me. LOL
I'm so surprised that this post made people laugh, because it made me CRY! My last serious break-up was about three years ago, but this post? Is part of h reason that I haven't pursued anything more serious in the interim. I hate this co-dependent relationship shit and the way it makes us so WEAK and it weakens our friendships and it lessens our ability to stand on our own two feet and it's so, so awful. I'm at a loss, but my heart goes out to Jamie. Breaking up is hard to do.
I'm at day 309. That's a lot of stars, but I earned each and every one.
Great post.
I came back across this, with rather ironic timing (since I'm dealing with my latest relational implosion). Thanks again.
I'm getting there–I'm just coming out of a never ending saga. (Think friends with benefits for 11 months after we broke up). Scary, I know. This time it's over.
Loved this post.
I will bookmark this post and use it to help friends that may one day go through it and I want to help them, but my words aren't enough.
I'm almost to day 3. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done. This post helps a lot.
i love this
Just went through my first real heartbreak and remembered this post and came back to it… basically sums up my life at the current moment. But thank you for putting it in words, and reassuring me that I'll hit 10 stars soon…
I agree gettin heartbroken from someone you really love and you know that he is not by yourside anymore can really suck but i am still seeing them in all my classes at school thats hard but i guess i have to suck it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was just yesterday she broke up with me and i'm googling 'how to deal with heartbreak' when i came across this. I know your words don't make sense now, but eventually i know, it's probably true. thanks in advance for putting something this brutally honest and necessary.
A heartbreak is a heart shake.. i jus dont know how to get over mine yet.. aargghh!!.. it hurts.
Well I just broke up with him yesterday, and I guess I don't really understand much of the blog as I'm yet to get there. I cried for hours when he told me he "still loved me, but didn't want a relationship". It suddenly felt as if my happy and content world I'd been living in, came crashing down. I just woke up to tears, as I realised this wasn't my nightmare, it was reality. I have to meet up with him in a few days to give him his things back, and I know how ever strong I feel, I'm going to break down in front of him. I'm dreading it. This is my fist love, and as I'm only in high school, I guess as the song goes, "The first cut is the deepest…" (cont…)
this blog really help , am going through a very hard brake up , crying is all i can do ..when to his facebook page to find out the his engage to someone else ! that night was terrible .
I don't know how I'll get over it, and it's true that I think I won't ever. There were so many plans; memories; good times, and they all seem to have flooded back, and there's no where in my brain to think. He wants to remain friends, but as many people have said, I know I'm gonna find it hard. The pain is overwhelming, and it feels like someone's got a knife a cut a large chunk out of me. And I miss him. Soo much. I guess as time goes, it will get easier. But it's gonna take a long time…
Great post! I am going through all this – right at this very moment in time. It's an emotional rollercoaster ride, one that I just don't want to accept. I keep looking at the calendar, thinking I wonder if in 3,6 or 9 months, this will all get a little easier? At this point in time, I don't know.
How one human being can do this to another is beyond me. It hurts!!!!
it's only been a week and I still feel more lost than ever. we were on and off for two years but it was always outisde problems that got in our way, Then he got his dream job thanks to my support and he just changed. He still told me he loved me and said that he wanted me to be the mother of his children and wanted me to be his wife. I was so in love and so wanting that to become a reality that I didn't notice that I was slowly losing myself. I did all the giving and he did all the taking and in the end he planned it so I looked like the bad guy. It breaks my heart everyday, thinking how cruel he was and how much I miss him. it's so unfair I wish I could just hate him and move on but I still love him so much, I think I will try the stars thing cos so far I've done nearly a week without contacting him but yeasterday I txted and emailed. I need to let go because holding on is only hurting me. love sucks…
I’m on the same boat. It really sucks but I’m glad I have people that I can relate to..
amen to that, pretty much describes the last 5 months of my life minus the sleeping with the ex part (he had a new GF two weeks after we broke up so ya or i might have) but loving the pink stars, have to remember that for next time (here's hoping there wont be a next breakup, dont wanna feel that way again)
Where were you in January when I was the one crying and repeating and calling my Mom? The pink stars are brilliant. I'm at 9 months and still miss him so much it hurts. Or do I miss the idea of him? Still working that one out.
Oh my gosh – that pretty much sums up everything in a nutshell although I would like to know how to stop the hanging out and sleeping with him while not telling anyone. Brutal – you just put into words exactly what every/most girls have been through.
i just wanted to say thank you for writing your heartbreak guide. i just read it and OH MY GOD. i think i have to go out and buy some little pink stars. it's only been a week, and i haven't given up yet, but i guess i have hooking up with strangers to look forward to??
also, ketchup is gross. fries and mayo though? divine…
This post is about the only thing helping me right now. Thanks Nicole x
I'm a Guy, but feel like i'm acting like a girl, crying all night, whilst staring at her picture on facebook cuddled up with another man.
This relationship had been quiet intense, with me flying halfway around the world to see her 6 times in 6 months – got some great frequent flyer miles, but that dosen't help the pain.
This post has realy helped me understand what i'm feeling. Thank you, and God bless you Nicole x x x
Find new love. Show that you look better after the breakup. Love and love.
Lost 7 lbs so far & counting…inability to cry…feeling numb…when is this all gonna be over? Maybe starting to give self star is a good idea…thanks for your post…it’s intelligent.
well, she broke up with me 3 weeks ago and it really hurts. When you’ve always imagined the 2 of u growing old together and now breakup. In fact we we were engaged and she has taken off the ring. Im distraught. Yes I messed up big by pushing for things I shouldn’t have at the time when we were goin through financial difficulty. But I have realised that my problm was not listening to what she wanted. Apart from financials and wanting a baby at the wrong time, we are perfect together. I really messed up. I try and give her space and then at times I feel strong enough to le her be, then I think Lord I cant live withut this woman. Yeah weird, but yes I have cried many times. I have begged and stopped, talked and stopped. I am accepting taht we are nt more, but how do you deal with his pain? I will never love again after this, I dont think I can put out ma heart the way I did again.
I’m on 5 months and yes it still hurts so much. I find myself staring at his picture on facebook and being enthralled with jealousy when I see pictures of him and other girls together. It especially sucks because my family moved to a whole different state a month after we broke up so now I’m alone without any friends. I’m not in college yet and I don’t have a car…I’m so screwed here and it upsets me. I want a life outside of him because I know he screwed me over in the end…its just so difficult. But I’m sooo stealing that pink star idea. Reading this post and everyone else’s replies have given me hope.
We dated in high school. It was a pretty intense relationship for a 14 year old because we were best friends. He was older than me and ready for more.. well things my 14 year old body did not want to give him. When we broke up I cried for, from what I remember, at least three months. I listened to songs that reminded me of him, wrote him letters and then eventually threw away anything that reminded me of him. The next guy that came along I jumped to loving because I wanted that “loving feeling” so bad. This relationship lasted for four years, while my ex moved across the country. We began talking again after I broke up with my current boyfriend. He moved back home. The first day he was home he saw me, after five years, all of my feelings came back. We were together everyday for a few weeks. He told me he loved me, that he always loved me. These were the words I was waiting to hear. When he disappeared, like he usually did when he got to close, I cried till he came back. I didn’t get out of bed. My face was perpetually puffed because of how hard I cried. This went on for months. He said he loved me, but was not in love with me. Whatever the fuck that means. He said he thought we would be great together, but he did not want a serious relationship. He said he wanted to be friends, I said no. Then eventually gave in and haven’t heard from him in weeks. He is constantly making me look like an idiot and I am letting him. I just want this to be over, but I can’t let go of the feeling that he is “my person.”
but when he says he loves you…none of this works…and when he wants to wait a year to get back together just so you can see each other more often…and then says he loves again even though your not dating anymore…it hurts more then words can describe
Same thing..
absolutely fabulous! Made me feel better for 2 minutes, then I cried!
Urgh. Going through this at the moment. I honestly had no idea someone could even be IN the amount of pain you’ve just described – I thought it was all an exaggerated made-for-tv joke. Fuck you, life.
Thanks for the blog
i litterally just got dumped today from a 3 year relationship, its hard even for some guys… my first reaction when she did it was to find a rebound and attempt to use her to make me feel needed:\ i just keep checking my phone hoping she will text or call me and say its all just a big joke and things can go on as planned… this really helped. i am in the denial stage but i cant help but to tell myself it will be okay. (she just texted me saying she will be getting her number changed within the next few days]’: )
Im in the never get out of bed eat too much peach yogurt and sometimes, spastically, take a break from crying. This is amazing though. Made me smile. Thank you.
I got dumped by a girl I met online about 40 days ago. Our values were in accord, we even had discussed marriage and where we might end up.
We talked on phone and on skype. As little as a week ago, she told me she was going to enjoy raising our kids and was going to transfer credits to a school near me (I am job hunting and planning to move in 6 months). We never met but it seemed like we had found a missing part of each other. The official reason is that she is lonely (our love, if it was ever real for her, was just online) and can’t stand the uncertainty. She told me during the exchange that I was everything she wanted.
I am 33 and this is the second time I have been dumped. It hurts so much. I feel like such an idiot for falling for her.
I’m in deep pain, i can’t stop thinking of her and wonder what happened that she changed her mind cos i was 100% she loved me, i wake up in the morning thinking of her,go to bed thinking of her and even dream of her. She wants us to be friends and mad now cos i’m not keeping in touch as expected from her. I want to i swear but i am only trying to be strong and forget about her by not keeping in touch because i can’t be her friend. I LOVE HER and still do. what do i do….this hurts so bad to get her back?
Happens to guys too
Except guys cant have random hookups that easily to get their mind off it.
With girls, all they have to do is say “yes”, with guys its a whole world of pain.
I’m currently on day 2…. This post helps remind you that other people feel just as bad.
This is probably the worst break up yet for me…
only because I found out she is pregnant from another guy…
It’s so sad how people can make such drastic mistakes….
I know that if I can get over this, I can get over anything.
Ahahaha! OMG, this post is amazing! You are describing EXACTLY what I’m going through right now. I got to 3 stars today. Well, if you start counting down on the last day you attempted to contact him. Because he literally has not been calling back and running away from me at clubs. Like, 12-year-old style. And I wake up in the morning with that half a second of bliss when you don’t remember what your life is like. And the next thing I think about is him.
And today I keep playing over a scene in my head where I see him in two months and he decides to be friendly and completely ignore how awful he’s been and I just swear him out. In front of his friends. Oh the pleasure I get from playing that scene over and over again in my head.
Anyways, awesome post. I’m glad I found it.
Thanks so much. Reading this actually made me feel a tiny bit better, or at least normal and less crazy. I broke up with someone last week and have been doing/ thinking all of he above.
He was my first love, you know, the one you never forget. He took everything from me.. my heart, my mind, my virginity. And left me with nothing more than.. im not stable enough for a relationship right now.. I remeber grasping my chest and prayign to god it would be okay again, maybe i could feel something, maybe i could just have him in my life. I still would not have changed anything, i love him still to this very day. and those times we had together they, will forever outway the bad. I am currently in the best relationship i have ever been in. It took almsot two years to even be abel to slightly feel something for someone else. i was so afraid to even let myself get close to someone.. my heart couldnt take anymore. well at least thats what i convinced myself. through everything, i have only learned i am so much stornger than i make myself out to be. everyone gets hurt, everyone crys, if it takes 1 day or 20 years, you will eventually learn how much you can acctually take one at once and noone should ever keep themselves from expericening the best things in life because of the acheing in your chest. That pain is still there for me.. 2 years later, and during an amazing relationship, its still there. no matter how many times he tells me i am worthless, good for nothing, basicly soemthing he wants nothing to do with.. i still love him, and i cannot bring myself to belive he really means it. he was my best freind.. my everything, and he litterally left me with nothing.. but today, i am okay. and i wouldnt trade those memories for the world. today, i am okay.
Whaaa it’s been 9 months and I’ve been avoiding the crying but I don’t think I’ve gotten it out enough …..I loved him sooo muchhhh and he neverrr loved me back he fell in love with a girl who looks just like me …I’m better though…whaaa I’m so heart brokennn like a bitch…I’m even in a relationship and I still can’t stop being obsessed with his facebook profile…ahhhh when I read this story or whatever you call it …it made me feel better, I didn’t feel alone …whaaa I’m like crying right now!! I loveee u sooo muchhh whaaa I’m going to cryy every night untill itsss alll putty ahhh and let time heal my hurting soul .
A heartbreak, it literally feels like your inside and your heart most esp. have been ripped to bits and the emotional pain is too excruciating, you don’t know what to do to alleviate it. I am undergoing one for the moment but I am trying to be strong…I know I will get through it like the last one. I guess what makes mine esp. painful is because I honestly believe this guy is a catch and I drove him to away with my insecurities and personal issues. I feel great regret…at how things might’ve turned out if I just made myself more loving than smothering.:( Oh well, that’s life for you. You have to learn with every single bad experience and hopefully you become a better person for it. I know I have lots of issues to fix before I could truly love someone again but this is I think the greatest life lesson if anything so far for me…it hurts so bad you literally just want to sleep forever.
Thank you so much for this btw. You have thoroughly expressed what it’s like to lose a part of you to someone. It’s as if they have taken your soul with them and you just have to have them back in your life no matter which way you’re going to do that but if you do, you feel you’ll live again.
i love YOU. this helped so much
thank you
i never wanted to be that guy, at least there is that
but i guess i waited for her to break my heart
this is too sweet
and so true.
I’m in love with a girl who I can’t be with because of distance. Two days ago she decided that it was getting too hard and she began dating a guy she says she likes. We’re still in love, but for how long? It feels so weird just being distanced friends… but who are in love with each other, especially knowing she’s holding and laughing with some other guy. We had all these plans that it would all work out in the end when we could finally be together, but I guess it’s true that nothing’s perfect. I don’t know what to do. I know if I try to let her go, I’ll be an emotional wreck for what will feel like forever, and it might be for the best, but it’s so hard to just discontinue communication. In the past two nights, I’ve gotten maybe seven hours of sleep. It hurts so much. :’( Yeah… Happens to guys too.
I am literally on day 3 since my breakup with my year and a half relationship. This article hit me so hard and was written so perfectly, I laughed/cried hysterically. Thanks to who wrote this, it oddly brought me so much comfort and relief knowing one day, I’ll be happy again.
I love reading everyones stories. It has been three months since I posted my break up story on here. Today, months later I am still hurting but I am making it through each day easier. I heard this quote ” When someone shows you who they are believe them, the first time.” I’m trying to see that person I love for who he really is, not the fantasy version of him that I made up in my head. Every night when I go to sleep I try to rid my self of a little bit of my love for him. I think its working…
boyfriend broke up with me over facebook. broke out in tears. first break up. never felt heartbreak before. typed in how to deal with heartbreak. found blog. read. laughed. cried a little more. laughed a lot more. noticed the name of blog. smirked to self since my name is nicole. stated counting stars. stopped crying……………then found out that vaginas are mentioned quite often and became a big fan.
I am too old for this. At 33, i thought I would have a better handle on my emotions and who I gave my love to. I believed this man to be sweet, kind, generous, but in the end, I found myself giving to him in the way that I wanted to be treated and respected without return. I did the same thing- we broke up and after a few months, I asked for friends with benefits. At the time, I was dating someone long-distance and now I see that I threw that in his face, he was there through the short-lived affair and never let go of the resentment. I didn’t even know that he was angry, since he was the one who broke up with me. But 5 months later, I finally confessed that I still loved him and he told me that he loved me but that he needs to go sow his oats with other women. I had to break it off and he is quite pleased with himself. He got his revenge. He broke my heart again, but I cannot blame anyone but myself. Still, I have already lost a few pounds in just a few days and can’t see how the sun will ever shine on my heart again.
I fell hard for someone I know, but they’ve been in a relationship for a while now… this person I fell for has been in love with someone else for 7 years. We hooked up once, and all they wanted was that. Just a hook up. But I caught feelings and everything went downhill. I still feel used, I still see this person daily, if not, every second day. I have to bottle up the way I feel and it feels great to write it down here. I honestly cannot see myself being with someone else, and I love everything about this person. I think about him all day but mostly how he told me the other day, when I finally got the guts to tell him a bit about how I’m feeling, that ‘his heart belongs to’ this other person. He told me he likes me too but he’s in love with someone else. He said he would be in a relationship with me. But he’s not available, and plans on being with this other someone for the ‘rest of his life’. I can’t stop crying at work, or at home, or with friends, it’s almost as if I can’t help but bawl, anywhere and everywhere. I’ve considered suicide and also I resorted to heavy drinking and marijuana smoking to forget about him (he drinks and smokes weed aswell.) but honestly, when i sober up, he fills my mind again. I don’t expect my problem to disappear after posting this but I already feel better knowing this is being read. And as for the post – amazing! Thanks.
This is similar to what I’m going through. I’m in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about me. But I can’t help but feel that we’re meant to be, we have so much in common, and we fit each other perfectly. But he loves someone else, whom he says she’s the one for him. How can that be? He has showed me hints before that he loves me, but yet I’m not completely right for him. And I know I’m much better for him than the other girl, I just know I am. It hurts so much…
Hey that is not fair – i know this is a chicks site…but we guys suffer too. I was dumped so its in reversal. Its been over 7 weeks now and still kills me. Especially when aafter a week we broke up she sent me an email saying she met someone and she is really happy as he is “the one”. Oucch that hurt even more! Can anyone help.!?
i completely know what that feels like. 110%. mine had less airplanes but just as much sneaking around to talk to him/ cry WITH him about breaking up/ sleep with him. ridiculous. never ever ever ever again will i do that to myself. ever. worst part? we’re from a VERY small town. people STILL encourage us to get back together as if we weren’t the most dysfunctional couple on the face of the earth. and i still see him. mostly at basketball games (our little brothers are on the same team) and driving on the road, we live in the same area of town.. and work in the same (but totally different from where we live) area of town. it took me over a year to finally get over our 3 year relationship. some days i still have the “what the fuck am i doing? why did i give up so easily” moments.. and then i realize.. i didn’t give up easily. i tried and tried and tried and tried until i absolutely could not try anymore. but you know what? i’m happy again. happier now than i ever thought i could be again. it took a while.. 1 year and 4 months? but i’m happy. and i hope your friend (and you) will be too.
p.s. i also threw myself a party when i didn’t talk to him for 60 days. literally.. a party!! haha.
Ugh, this rang all too true. I am on day 3 and I haven’t slept, cannot eat a thing, and just want to sleep for the next 6 months and wake up and have all of this pain over with.
It’s been nearly 3 months since I posted the story about my long-distance breakup on here, and I can honestly say that it’s been getting slowly better. I still have mood swings beyond my control and tend to suddenly break out in tears, but deep inside I know that I was lied to and I don’t deserve her anyway. She texted me out of nowhere 2 nights ago confessing how much she loves and misses me, but I decided it was probably best to ignore her, the way she ignored me when she promised to be there for me; all of this despite how much I still do truly love and miss her. But I hate her, too. I’ll be seeing her in roughly 3 weeks when I go to visit her brother, who I’ve been friends with since before I even knew of her existence (Ah, good times… Lol). That should be both a fun and painful experience… Life’s rough.
When your heart is broken, your soul is shattered. I’m still at the point where I do not find pleasure in anything I do. And it’s been four days, more like an eternity since my life took this wild turn. People keep saying time is the best healer but at times, you feel like your pain gets worse as the days go by. Seeing that he seems to be fine only drags me further down. I can’t wait for that day when I wake up and I find that tiny bit of happiness in my life again, one that has nothing to do with him. I dedicated myself to him and now I feel empty. Just enough tears to fill out the sea. Though I try to remain positive, this pain is almost unbearable. I can barely feel my heart beat..almost as if it’s dying out.
I read this months ago and laughed my ass off. Now im not laughing and created a dumb star book to attempt to stay sain!! RIDIC!!!
I think the hardest part is when you can’t move on and they do. My ex casually threw into a conversation (after I stupidily agreed to meet for coffee) that she’s “dating” i.e sleeping with other people. I was crushed. I don’t want anyone else, and she seemed to take pleasure from telling me. And then, the next night, I got drunk and called her and she was so cool and calm and I was left weeping like a child. The thought of her with someone else slices my soul. There’s a great line in a Crowded House song “It would cause me pain if we were to end this. But I will start again, you can depend on it”. And by god, this is killing me, but I will survive!!
This helped me the most, since my breakup was just last night and its the most realistic thing Ive ever read. Thank you so much!!
My boyfriend just broke up with me last night, and its just terrible. This blog post made me realize I’m not alone. I’ll get over it. Eventually.
So I hadn’t ever actually read this before, because I’m too lazy to go back through your old blogs because I’m a bad blog reader and I have short attention spans and the excuses continue.
ANYWAY. I did read it since someone just mentioned it in your comments from yesterday’s post. I just totally tried to type “yesterday” as “yester’day.” True story.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who felt this. I mean, not because I’m glad ANYONE has to feel this, because it sucks a lot, but I’m glad I’m not just a psycho, and that other people react the same way. Validation, you know.
it’s been three weeks…feeling all of the above…this helps with all the confusion…thank you for this…but the sun did shine today, and this made me smile…
45 stars
This post is absolutely hilarious!! It’s the first laugh I’ve had in two weeks!! Very well put! I’m going through every one of those emotions. Unfortunately, he didn’t even break up officially, but the no call backs and the fact he hasn’t reached out in days makes it pretty clear…I’ve been kicked to the curb. I hate the fact that I don’t even have closure so at some point he may call. I feel like a damn fool jumping every time the phone rings. I’m like a puppet on a string.
I feel so foolish. I can’t cry another single tear. I can’t sleep either. Booze and food have been my bff’s. I know the best revenge is looking great, so I’m working on that part as of tomorrow! I’m going to get a bunch of stars, too. Thank you for sharing an incredible entry! You hit it right on the head.
yea,i am 11 years old. i just lost my girl ashely, and i don’t know how to deal with it, advice?
I loved my ex from 14 years old, we started dating at 18 but he split with me at 22. We then saw each other on and off for the next FIVE years!! And why did I do this? Because the pain of not having him in my life was greater than the pain of having him in my life, but only casually. To anyone reading this who is going through a break up that is so frightening, so painful you find each day a struggle- my advice to you is this: Cut off. Cut off from the guy/girl for however long it takes until you are over them, as much as you can be. I have prolonged my pain for 5 years and its really not worth it. When a relationship ends, as much as it hurts- you have to leave it in the past. I didn’t, and now I’m paying for it…. It does get better in time guys, I promise. cut off and move on. good luck xx
Thank you for this post
. Made the tears stop streaming down my face for a minute!
I abosolutely love this. It’s essentially EXACTLY what I do, though I never seem to make it past three days without a text to him.
My boyfriend just broke up with me saying he just doesn’t feel the same! I feel like crap and can’t seem to deal with the fact that it’s actually over! I feel so lost and could quite happily cry 24/7! I can’t do half of the things in this post but I still think it’s a good post! Feel utterly heartbroken and just think I needed to let that out!
Thanks for this post. I’m going through this process right now, and decided to google “heartbreak” and your blog popped up. I swear everything is right on the money except for the pink stars thing, but I think I’ll start doing that. And the weird thing is, he was such an asshole to me that I don’t fully understand why I even miss him.
It helps tremendously to know that other people have shared the same experiences and have come out ok. It kind of made me laugh a little (and I haven’t laughed in days) reading this because it’s kind of silly all the things we do and “think” we are ok with. I feel like I’ve joined a sisterhood of fellow heartbreak-ees but I’m going to give myself time to heal instead of berating myself for doing all those crazy things. All in all, great post!
It’s 3am, once more I can’t sleep & my head is swirling with thoughts of him. It’s been 5 days, I finally get up the nerve to call him to see if he will talk to me, he answers to my surprise. I said can we talk, he said call him back in an hour. I have a feeling he won’t answer this time, the hour is drawing near. I am sitting on the back porch chain smoking cigarettes & pouting, googling heartbreak while he is continuing on in his world of deceit. Why do I still care after all he has put me through? Why can’t I realize he is a drug addict & I can’t fix him? Why do I have all these unresolved feelings after how he used me & discarded me after he had taken everything? Why did he tell me he loves me like 10x the day before he told me to “get the fuck out”? Why can’t I accept this? Why? As you can see I am having a hard time understanding how a person can go from engaged & in love to get out in less than 24 hours. I am so confused, the pain won’t stop, but yet I know somehow I am better off finding out he is a loser now before I was trapped, yet I can’t let go of this feeling that he would be perfect if it werent for the drugs…
I knew he wouldn’t answer… probably for the best, but I want answers!
Well, after a couple more days of tag your it, he finally made contact. We hashed it out via text wars for 3 hours, then finally it came to a head & we made peace. We have talked several times since then & he picked me up last night so I could get the rest of my stuff. He said he was sorry, he just needed to be single because he feels he has lost himself by being in relationships & living with women his whole life & he needed to get his own head right before he could focus on someone else being in his life. He did say if I wanted to go back to being friends we could. It is still devestating, but now that we have been able to talk & I got the answers I needed from him, I am feeling positive that tomorrow will be a better day & it can only go up from here. Thanks for the advice when I was in my darkest hour. This helped me get through it.
Right on. Made me laugh and I’m in a world of pain right now. Thanks for this; I think the best part is reading all the comments and knowing I’m not alone.
this is great advice. I just came home from school and literally cried because this guy I like completely rejected me and I am soo humiliated because I put myself out there.
I started reading this with tears of sadness and ended it with tears of laughter. Thank you!
This is hillarious and made me laugh while my heart is still broken.However this is the most practical anything i have read about mending a heart break.i love it and this certainly helped me.lol! and two thumbs up for the writer.
The Post is great and is so true..and it applies equally for guys..and what do you do when you want to cry but is too embarrass to do it in front of others…N the thing is i lived in denial for almost 6 months even though she clearly told me that it’s over and she has clearly moved on..it is now just sinking and am so bloody heart broken that i feel like crying all the time but can’t do it. I was the one who always told her that our thing can not work out and we need to break up but when she actually did it, i just can’t accept that it’s over. Not calling her up is the hardest part…may be i shall visit this post some time in future and recall how i was feeling at that point of time…but till then, it feels so aweful…
Cheers RNM, hope that one worked out for you in the end, nice to hear a simalar story. I am in the midst of one of these I was given the choice shall we fix this or end it but told her I didn’t think it would work out and now, shes a smart girl, got her head together moving on fast and I CANT FUCKING accept it, the family and the life we were planning together all gone down the plughole, plus the best friend factor, the ways we could create together, the epic sex, etc. Things like facebook only compound the problem seeing her latest pics and ‘everythings great’ status updates, I’m not a controlling arsehole but my inability to accept her choice to put it behind her makes me kind of feel like one, desperatley want to call her and tell her im having the worst time of my life but then that makes me look pretty pathetic. OUCH!
It’s the same for me Simoniser. We had been on and off for 3 years, and we fought like crazy but we also made love like crazy and it was always a relationship of extremes. She has had to deal with a lot of stuff in her head her whole life, which exacerbated things, but now I’m realizing I should have been more patient. Despite all of her issues, she was still amazingly sexy, a brilliant, brilliant writer, and tried so hard to make us work but still couldn’t control her anger issues. And because of that, I also couldn’t treat her the right way and we just constantly fueled each others rage.
So we tried a period of being ‘friends’, but I could not handle it once I found out she was dating other people. It’s been 3 months since I have physically seen her (which ended with her being taken away by security away from y hotel room, another long story), and during that time we have been in contact on and off. But just two days ago, I realized she is now in another relationship, and it is honestly killing me. Everything these people have been saying, all of the suffering and agony is all true. It’s worse because she was so way out of my league that I knew it would be easier for her to hook up again, while for me it would take a while, and yet I still drove her away. I think it’s karma for treating her so poorly, and not being kind and patient and supportive enough to deal with her mental illnesses. I haven’t reached out to her, and I want to so badly, but every one here says to cut her off. No, this is not fun at all.
I’m going through the worst heartbreak of my life right now, and the only things making sense to me are vodka, my mom, and this blog. As much as it’s killing me, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only person that goes through it and deals with it like this, complete with horrible hookup decisions and the yelling about the unfairness of life.. even though when anyone else tells me that, I attempt to cut them. =)
so thanks nicole, this post is completely getting me through the day right now.
Exact. Same. Story. Except I never called my dad. I’m pretty sure he’s still a bit shaken up from my request to paint my nails at age 11 so boy problems are a little bigger than him right now…
Just like everyone else I googled “How to deal with heartbreak” and ran across this blog. My boyfriend broke up with me this past Sunday stating that “He loves me, wants to be with me, but for some reason his feelings have changed.” I finally talked to him today for the first time and his decision still stands true. I can’t believe I allowed myself to talk to him, I feel like a stupid girl. This is the worse feeling in the whole entire world. I just want it to be over. I’m 24 and I’m alone. I hate being hurt, I hate it!!!!
it’s been a few months now.. how are you feeling now? im going through the same thing and i feel like it will never get better.. im distraught..
Just read ths post thnk I’m gonna get me sum pink stars its day two.
Holding back d tears .we broke up yrz ago but always kept
It close in d hope he’ll one day realise my worth.now I knw thez no hope
He just woke up one day n said ay I got a girl friend.
He doesn’t thnk I hav reason to b sad. I thnk I’m grieving ova the idea of him but not him
What if a guy youve dated before and you decide to be friends when he wants to be more he has a girlfriend and you try so hard and then he tells you he loves her and doesnt like you like that and that shes his everythin when everyone tells me im way better for him he just kinda looks at me
Heart break is more like a waiting game, that no one every truely wins at in the end.
I felt him to better him because he wasnt ready to be a father, and i said everything and anything to make him not come back. ive cried every night for four months, and even tho i can get out of bed, it still hurts just as bad. Now i am just talking to him, giving him relationship advice for him and his new girlfriend, all the while just wanting to protect him from harm that she is causing. He told just recently that he still loves me, the feelings that had almost vanished, reapeared faster then i knew what to do with. Im trying so hard to be strong for my little girl, yet its hard thinking about all the question she is going to ask me in the future about where daddy is, if he loved her, or if he abandoned her… Its so stressful to have to go threw this non stop rollacoster, that some how doesnt ever go back down to let me off of it..
How do you make the feeling go away that everything else for the rest of your life- even if it does get better like everyone says – will always be PLAN B?
I believe that I might one day not wake up in tears and might one day regain some of my personality and not be this empty shell that cant function like a normal being, but I just can’t believe that I’ll ever think “oh this is how it must have been supposed to happen, and now I’m with Plan A”. It all just feels like everything now will be Plan B.
How do you make that stop? Because that’s where the crying might end but the depression and numbness gets a hold….
any answers?
Because when you move on, you realize this was all part of Plan A. You had to experience the pain to grow stronger, to experience the sweet taste of love and the bitter taste it left. It will make you a stronger person and when you find your special someone you’ll thank the heavens it didn’t work out with what you think as “Plan A.” It will work out in the end and not because you moved to Plan B, but because you needed this to make Plan A work.
Its a month since I can finally laugh again m comfortable being alone now
Ofcoz I’m disapointed but I hav ths deep faith that thngs r just gonna get betr from here
I understand d plan B thing but hey plan B wil b a whole lot betr than A its kinda
Like a rough draft before the master piece.
Keep well all
And keep d faith everything hapens for the best
I’m currently living in a dark reality. I’m heart broken by a woman that has more positive attributes than any woman I’ve ever dated in my 31 years of existence. We had great chemistry and had a lot of fun together. Then all of a sudden, she put the brakes on me and told me we are not on the same page. I couldn’t understand why and she never gave me a good reason why she felt that way. Now it’s been about two months since she put on the brakes and it still hurt like hell. I know time will heal all wounds, but I’ll be lying if I said I’m cool with that. This article was helpful because it made me realize I’m not the first or will be the last to go through this. I will just have to suck it up and charge it to the game. Thanks for the info.
Larry, I’m a 38 year old male and it’s been 4 months now since my “no warning” break up. It sounds similar to yours. My ex is 34 and I wondered if she wasn’t ready or wanting to settle down? But after 1001 possible reasons, I think maybe she just isn’t in love with me. I can’t fix that! I’d like to tell you it gets easier, but so far for me it hasn’t. I think heartache is worse when you get to be a little older. You said your ex had more positive attributes than anyone you’d ever dated. Mine had 2 kids and some baggage, but I didn’t care at all. She was my best friend and I love her kids too. I’ve never dated a woman who was my best friend. Anyway, I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but I’m still waiting for that.
We only broke up last week, i’m finding it so hard and it hurts so much when I think of not being with him anymore. We were both happy together and I love him so so so much and he did love me but then he decided he wanted a change. And after our pretty long relationship and him telling me about going to save up for us to get an apartment together, him telling me that he wanted to marry me and have kids, I now have to get that dream out of my head and get over it before I begin to cling on..
When he ended things he made sure that I knew that I have done nothing wrong, it was very sweet what he said, mainly complimenting me and saying how upset he was but he also went on to say something along the lines of “i’m not saying there can’t be another chance for us, just not at the moment”. I’m finding it hard to let go of that though, I need to not get my hopes up but it’s hard when I still love him and want him back.
I know that he would never cheat on me or did cheat on me but after 2 weeks of near enough ignoring me in the last weeks in our relationship and talking to nearly every girl he could I could tell that he wasn’t happy with me, and now that we’ve split all I see on his Facebook page is how he’s talking to all these girls and meeting loads of girls and spending the night with them. Even the day after we broke up he was flirting with girls which hurt me so much that I was crying all day and ended up getting so drunk.
I haven’t seen him since we broke up, I still need my things from his and for me to give his stuff back but I know when I see him all the thoughts are going to come back and I am going to say everything I feel, he knows he has hurt me but I just want to make it clear that I would do anything for him back.
I just posted my break-up story and it’s only day 3. I just wanted to say that
1) Heal first before seeing him again. You can’t put yourself in such a vulnerable position. That is what I am doing – waiting and giving myself time before I am able to face him and not have all the feelings burst when I see him.
2) Don’t hold on to the hope that it will change or he will change his mind. And even if he does – do you really want to be with him after this much hurt?
Take care of yourself, love yourself and if you don’t want to delete him from the facebook, then make his updates not appear on your wall – just so for a while you can have a piece of mind that you might see something that will hurt you posted by him.
Take time and heal. It is not instantaneous, but one day you’ll wake up and won’t realize right away that that BRICK on your chest and feeling of wanting to throw up are gone. And looking at the picture of him doesn’t make you want to cry.
One day you will meet a person that will love you as much as you love them and will do anything to always keep you in their life. It is hard to think of it now, but it might help a little bit to hang on to that thought.
Also don’t be discouraged, even when you are OK with the break up , you will have your weak moments here and there for a while because some memories will come at weird times and it will feel painful, but just for a few minutes.
You will be alright eventually, but right now grieving is in order.
Okay I think I have peed in ma pants from laughing.
Now I feel much better though got dumped yesterday.
Gosh, I cant stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!
Qn? Does putting aknife through his heart count, coz I so wanna do that.
Why is this so true. I laughed so much even though it hurts. I really appreciate this entire post and all the comments… It kind of puts things in perspective. I’m at the stage where it feels like it will never ever get better. I wish I could fastforward to like a million stars from now.
Its not even two months and he already has a fiance m reliving
All d hurt my close frends r tired of seeing me greive they
Thnk I shuld just get on with life but I can’t I need closure
Please help! Think I’m losing my sanity
So I wrote back on October, after 2 weeks of HELL we spoke and for certain reasons decided to try again! This time it was different coz I was always waiting for him to exit again and felt so insecure but still we had good times…. Until….. He has mow decided again he doesn’t want to be with me! The worst bit is I said I’m not ready to hear this right now and so I’m acting lIke it’s still ok even though I constantly feel like shit and he is just going through the motions! He won’t even sleep with me! How bloody pathetic is that?! I feel like I’m empty and I’m not coping at all and he’s not even properly left yet! I can’t take the day he will! I feel like I’m nothing and worth nothing and don’t understand where that man that loved me has gone!
It hurts so bad…I keep replaying over and over every awful things I said to him out of anger. I think that’s what hurts the most. I broke things off based on my own insecurities of him cheating. And he reacted very angrily which in return made me very upset and feel hurt. So I ended up changing is Facebook password…which I know was the WRONG thing to do. Because I violated him and he will never trust me again. I’ve never had any solid proof of him cheating… in my heart of hearts I don’t know that he was. There were no obvious signs. So I don’t know for certain. I had a very tumultuous relationship in the past, and I guess you could say I’m still carrying all that baggage with me of being lied to and cheated on. And now I’m second guessing myself. I can’t stop crying, can’t stop thinking about him…wishing if I could only turn back time. It’s only day 1 for me and I pray for strength to get through this because I KNOW there is no going back. He won’t even speak to me at this point. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel…but just getting there is going to be sooo very hard.
THIS IS SO SAD. But at the same time, reading this post and all of these comments is therapeutic for me. It’s been a week since a breakup with my first love, my everything. We are WORLDS apart for 7 days now. He is in Italy and I am here in sad America. And it is so unfortunate that we can’t be together at this time. I literally DON’T know how to deal, and after reading this, I realized that some how, some way, I actually AM dealing with it by sleeping all day, eating until I physically can’t anymore, and drowning in my sorrows non-stop (i like to be dramatic sometimes). I guess I just need to realize that there is hope, and that time will heal the pain. Life isn’t fair, & nobody’s perfect. <3
Dear god.. This is exactly what I needed, to whoever wrote this. Thank you. I always thought he was the one to see me as the imperson person perfectly. Now it’s all shit. Feels like he ripped my heart out and repeatedly stomped on it.. and as bad as it sounds, I’m glad there are other people feeling this.
My bf broke up with me 3 days ago. What makes it even more painful is that there were no problems with the relationship. We were always honest with each other and never fought because everything was always in the open. Unfortunately, the circumstances surrounding his family became too hard for him to handle. His mom has been very ill for a long time now and he’s been taking care of it. But things are just getting worse, and he made a decision that it was unfair for me to not receive as much attention as I should have. Mind you I’ve never complained about anything, I was just there to support him through anything because I truly believed he was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. But it is over.
To whoever is going through this, I can recommend only a few things:
1) Take care of yourself – After crying for hours on day 2, I got up and looked at myself in the mirror and felt incredibly sorry for myself. I realized that I am the one that I should be looking out for right now. I should care about what I am feeling and how I am coping. I just can’t concentrate on how HE is doing (something that I was crying over is my concern and sadness for him and me not being able to help).
2) Call everyone you can and get support. I used to deal with break-ups by locking myself up and suffering for months and months not being able to feel a bit easier. This time I called for back-up. And it HELPED!! I am not covering up the emotions when I am with friends. I discuss how I feel and cry if I need to and they listen and support me. On the second day, I suddenly started thinking about all the things I won’t do with him anymore, and his house that I will miss and his family and I started crying and telling my best friend what I was thinking and how much it was hurting. But the next day, thinking about the same things wasn’t as painful. Be careful though. Try to think about only one or two things at a time like this – because you want to deal with these feeling but not overwhelm yourself with everything at once.
3) And one more thing – don’t over think it. In my case, it just timing and I can’t do anything about it. So instead of wonder what if, I decided to get straight on the healing process. Because I don’t want this to go on for 12-18 months as it usually happens. I want to get to the point when it doesn’t hurt this much anymore and I can actually think of the future.
Right now, I am trying to get to that place where I am strong enough and healed enough to say no, just in case he changes his mind. Before I can talk to him again – I need to be strong and be able to say that I have grieved and accepted…and finally moving on.
I have been happy before him….I was incredibly happy when I was with him…but I will also be happy again in the near future.
Break ups suck, hurt and break you both mentally and physically in to million pieces….so don’t lock it up…TALK about it and CRY and feel SAD. Because those are right feelings to experience. I hope some of this will help. I am on the other hand will try to get through my first week. I know I will have my bad days, but i will surround myself with friends and deal with it one day at a time. Tomorrow should be a little easier.
my experience is exactly lyk this one.
This has helped me so much. I have currently been in love with a boy for 8 painful years. As the years went on, we’ve been drifting to my disliking. He has never once dated me and sometime has lead everybody including myself, on that he likes me. Which he doesn’t now. Since there are only 4 more days before we part ways for school, I HAVE to tell him how I feel. I’ve been to self concious and nervous to do it before, but now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t. Everyday I see him, it hurts a lot. Watching and seeing that he will never date me. Not seeing him will be the worst. For all I know, I could never see him again for the rest of my life. I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t do it. I’m just not prepared for the outcome. Can anybody give me ANY advice? I am truly in love with this guy, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over him.
Girlfriend i don’t know your age but if you areold enough, don’t be like my self, seize the opportunity, seize the day. You don’t want to be like myself, you don’t want to regret as i did. I don’t want what happened to me happen to you. Confornt him, swallow your pride, look in the light side and never dispare. He will make adjustments once he realise how he means to you. You don’t want to regret trust me.
Mobbing saying, if i could have, should have, would have woudl kill you. What will you do if he get married or date some else, what would you do only to find out that he’s dating someone else just to get rid of the feeling of not being with you, he might be scared to tell you how he really feels about you. Get your man dear, i’m not saying don’t have pride as a women but other things you have to shake them to get them.
This is really interesting to read what everyone has been through, and is going through.
My girlfriend left me on the 22 June 2011. We had been together for 1 year, 2 months and 3 weeks. I still believe that she will come back to me. She left me for another girl (I am a girl also). The pain I feel is so terrible, it has been 4 days and I have lost 6 kg (12pounds) and I haven’t eaten since it happened. I didn’t expect it to come, it was just so out of the blue. My heart aches, all I do is cry, I don’t sleep well, maybe 4 hours a night and it is broken, I can’t function. All I have been thinking about is killing myself, but I know that would cause her pain. She told me that she wants to be good friends, and I love her and she means so much to me that I am so eager for this to happen. She is going to talk to me face to face for the first time on Tuesday (28/6) and I am so scared that all I will do is cry, and it will ruin our friendship. I wrote her an email, which she said would be good, with all my questions, thoughts etc. She hasn’t read it yet, but when she does I think she might realise just how much she loves, wants and needs me? I hope she does, because I am not getting any better, and this is not going to go away any time soon. I need her in my life, I need my lover, my soulmate back.
My boyfriend jc broke my heart ! he has a crush on some bitcccchhhh asss griafeeee hoeeee m uthhafuuckkeeennnnn viaginaaaaaaaa bitchasssswipe ! whore!!(: and idgaf becaause im better off withouht this asswipe bitch !!!!!!!!!!! im a muthaafuucken prize bitch !! he will not do better while i am hooking up with all the finest rucaaasss !!! bitchh !!!!!!!! hell yeee muthafiuuckaaaaa movin on feels sooo gooodd <3
and shes a drooppy bitch ass hoe ass slut ass whore assss BOYFRIEND STEALER!
(;
FUUKKITTTTT THUG LIFE !!
sorry… i was just venting my feelings /;
Hey,
My girlfriend cheated on me with one of my friends after I was suspended from school. We dated for three years. I had never been so possessed. And I felt and reacted the same way you did. It’s been a year. How much longer is going to be?
I have just broken up with my long term boyfriend of nearly 2 years after moving in together and lasting about a month, he decided he ”loved me,but isnt in love with me at the minute” that was the worst thing iv ever been told, he also wanted to live together as friends and see if we could get back to how we were, which was just torture to me and i dont think he realised just how much it was hurting me to be near him but not with him.So i left.
Iv been heartbroken before, but this is worse, all the things you described in the first half of this is exactly me right now.
But my god it put a smile on my face and now i have atleast some hope that this will all get better, with or without him! thanks
Her blog is amazing and so true!
I just got out of a four year relationship almost a month ago. We met when I was 18 and fell in love fast and hard. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man, get married, have babies white picket fence type stuff. We moved in together after about two months of dating and started our lives together. I never dreamed of another man. He was my everything, best best friend, I was part of his family, we were so intensly in love. This had gotten rocky though, we fought, over stupid things. Sometimes the realationship was really stressful and I felt like he didnt treat me right. He could be controlling and possesive at times. We fought over money, keeping the house clean, normal things. Somewhere between year two and four the days became blurred. There was no more yearning to be with eachother, no butterfiles, the passionate love just faded. Weeks turned into rollercoaster rides with some days being great and it felt like I had my bestfriend back and I was still in love. Some days we fought hard and I told him I hated him, that I was leaving and I didnt want to be with him. In ways I meant it but I didnt. I never left. I always stayed. I think we both wanted to go back to the days where we were in much love and we were always striving to get there but I could never happen. We had just been through so much and we could never ever go back to what once was. One morning he woke up and was leaving for work. I looked at him and said in the most cold and utterly monotone voice that I love you but I am not in love with you We just shut the door and left. That day, I felt so bad and I must have called his phone twenty times. He never answered. He came home from work and told me that he couldnt be with me any longer and its over. I had a feeling it was going to happen but I was devestated none the less. I called my mother bawling while he just stood there watching me. I was upset, I yelled at him, I told him he will never find anyone like me. I put up with so much of his s**t. for so long. I had a plan ticket in about thirty minutes and left in about two hours. I packed my stuff. We cried and we laughed, we hugged and said our goodbyes. I was in a state of shock. So here I am one month later. Across the country, trying to figure out my life. I vowed to not speak to him, to make him hurt as much as I was by not letting him hear my voice or know how I was doing. about three weeks of that and I broke down sent a pic message of my new car and then called him. We talked about life and how things were. He sounded great. He was doing great. He didnt regret it. He made peace with his decision. I was devestated all over again. I am thinking I still love you, I miss you, How dare you, how can you be okay with this? Everyday is a stuggle. I try and do things to take my mind off it. It works but temporarily. I recently found out he is now dating someone new and the heartbreak that has developed inside of me is about twice as bad. Its hard to sleep and eatingforget about it. My stomach is a bottemless pit and my heartaches constantly. I feel anxious and nervous all the time. I cant help but think about them and what new memories he is creating. I am jealous. I am spiteful. I want to be in love again. He tells me he still loves me and I will have the biggest peice of his heart for years to come, but we were toxic to eachother and things got bad towards the end. Why oh Why cant I just think about all the hurtful parts of the relationship and all the pain he caused me??? I constantly think about my love for him and how close we were. Heartbreak is a process and it is different for everyone. It may takes months or years as I have found out reading other blogs. I want the pain to go away. I want to stop crying to to wake up six months down the road and be okay. It feels like I left a part of myself with him when I left. I know things will get better. time will heal. love will come. I will be happy again in my life. I have to know this. If you are suffering from heartache, you have to know this too!!! Life is too short. I know its better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all. Its so true. Its a learning experience. It will make you a better person. Heartbreak hurts more than a gunshot wound and to be love feels better than anything in the world its just the way it is. I just hope this passes and I can move on to the next step in the healing process.
OMG…….Thanks for the good laugh…. Your honesty is precious and has the healing power to help me move forward….
Obviously the fact that I found this page means I am searching for something…..anything….to help. I feel lost, hollow and just destroyed. This page did make me laugh! It felt good to smile and know others know how I feel. I’m a 38 year old male. Never married and no children. I thought I finally found the one. I told my parents at Christmas that I was saving to buy a ring and take her and her two kids to Disney Land. I could sense she was acting different, but had no idea that the end was near. Her ex was taking her to court for more time with the kids. The break up came without warning or reason. I’m 6′ tall, 240 lbs and very fit. I’ve had many broken bones, sports and work accidents, torn my ACL out 3 times and a severely broken ankle. Not once did I ever shed a tear over any of those things. Not one of those things hut like this. I brake down all the time. I feel sick to my stomach. I tried to get her back but she appears to have moved on without effort. I went to see her twice, I lost it and cried like a baby both times. I’m a real estate appraiser and sometimes have a tough time walking through someone’s house without wanting to cry. All of our mutual friends as well as her family and mine know how tough I’m taking this, which makes it even worse. I’ve never felt so bad about being so in love with someone. I can’t make up my mind if I hope she somehow has a change of heart or that I’d never even have met her. She wasn’t even my type, or so I thought. She is everything I never knew I wanted or needed. I wouldn’t wish this type of pain on anyone, not even my worst enemy. I guess you can’t make someone love you. I see most of the posts on this page is women, but even most men want to have a love story once in their life too. I just wish the heartache would go away.
Thanks so much for this! I was dumped about a month ago over his own insecurities and I think he lost a lot of feeling for me. I dont think he misses me, and while I miss him, However, reading peoples stories and knowing that my tears were not uncommon makes me feel better. I even escaped to my hometown to get away from the pain which almost made it worse. Ive come to the realization that he was a bad boyfriend in some ways and I chose to ignore it. Yet, I loved (and still love) him. I think I will find that guy that makes me fall head over heels. You’re post made me think that.
Also, to anyone out there. Even though we’re civil. Should I delete him on facebook? I think by doing so and not having to see his face, I can throw myself a true party! However I almost think it’s too soon to let go. advice to peeps out there. help a girl out.
Hannah, I just had trouble with my cell phone and they needed to reset it. That meant erasing 174 texts between my ex and I. The last and only connecting I had with her. I was so scared to do it and I didn’t want to do it at all, but I had to. I don’t know if you’re ready to erase him on FB, but I know how much better I felt the next day. You can’t move forward if you’re looking back. I don’t know that I’m moving on, but I know I’m not spinning my wheels reading and trying to make sense of it all. I do feel better. I actually erased her number from my contact list too. Not seeing his face or peeking at his profile may actually help you move on. It’s a big, brave move. Do it when you’re ready. Expect a little sadness followed by a big weight lifted off your heart. Best of luck.
I did it. I deleted him. It felt funny, however I did it. I think I finally let myself move on. If I can do it. anyone can.
I’m on a ten pink star streak…ergo doin’ a little victory jig
. Loved this Nicole!
Well i was in love with this guy secretely and he never knew, it’s the sixth year and i just could’nt let him know that. EArlier this year someone told me he was getting married, i freaked out, went crazy and confornted the guy, he denied being involved or getting married, i wanted to tell him how i felt about him but because i’m a Christian and our churches doctrine is that we should’nt be dating anyone untill you are ready for marriage. I just found a week ago that really he is getting married having to hear it by her girl.
It broke my heart, i went to sleep in the night and woke in the morning only to find out i was not sleeping at all my brains are functionnig all along. It took me atleast 9 days to get to accept the fact that he is gone and for-good. I love the guy with all my heart, body, spirit and soul. I told him he just said we should talk and lately we don’t. I want to leave evrything, after graduating i want to leave South Africa just to leave as far away from him as possible. If only he knew how much he ment to me, if only i told him whilst there was still time, i could’nt have visited this site, i could be with him right away.
Love is not jelouse, selfish, think of itself, atleast that i know from my bible. So i decided not to follow him around and make him choose, i won’t hurt the girl because she never asked for it and she did nothing wrong to me. So i won’t retaliate and they are not my vendettas.
TD jakes has a song “Let it go”, girl it helped me a lot, i have my whole life ahead of me, my whole future and i’ve learned my lesson. God works in misteriouse ways all the time, and in Jeremiah 29V11 : For i know the plans i have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope. Regardless of my heart break as i also fantasised the children we will have, their names, the company i would work for, the business we would initiate. All that is gone now and i need not to destroy myself, my future for another womens child “him”. I need to better my life, my future, God will bring the right man for me, that one i’m sure about.
this is good advice. thanks nicole. benn through a lot of break ups?
Great advice, and everyone in the comments section is awesome. I really wish I could meet a lot of you in real life, so that maybe there would be a tangible shoulder to cry on. My story is very similar, I’m in the middle of a break up. And I know I will be the only one left crying, because the relationship mattered more to me than it did to him. And that hurts, so very, very badly. A lot of it was my own fault, my insecurities, my personal problems. And I’ve acknowledged that. But he is so very harsh and unforgiving, so cold, so unmoved by my tears or apologies :’( People make mistakes, he has made just as many, but why am I now being treated like a terrible person? Like dirt not worth anyone’s time? He doesn’t care, never had, I’m beginning to realize. I was a rebound, I was HIS shoulder to cry on after a break up. He was infatuated, and after that wore off……….I meant nothing :’( He can just as easily live without me as if nothing had happened. And he will be happy, more like ecstatic, really. But I love him, I still do, I still think he’s the right one for me, and that we fit together. He wants us to be “friends”, but I will not give him that privilege, though it hurts to do so. It hurts doubly hard because he DID cry over his last girlfriend……….didn’t eat, sleep, the whole nine yards…………and we happen to share the same group of friends, so I don’t have any shoulder to cry on…………..I hope things get better. I really do.
Anna: EXACTLY how i feel. I think this post relates to me more than any other post here. I would give anything to have him miss me, even if he wouldn’t get back with me. Just to know I mattered to him.
i don’t think a person regardless if your a girl or a guy realise the power of their words its hurts more than what you don’t say. but does time really heal all wounds i mean its been 7 months since ive been dumped. does time heal all wounds or is it what do you do with the time and how you take something negative and make it something positive is wat really matter but im defenitely using the pink start thingy thats genious thank you
Just broke up 3 days ago.. and I’m a major wreck now. Googled for help and found this. You made me smile after reading, so thank you for that. It really hurts to the core, and I’m struggling to keep the rest my life from falling apart. Wish I can fast forward life so that I can get to 30stars already. It’s going to be my birthday in less than 2 weeks and I really hate him for doing this to me; making me like him back at the very beginning when I knew we weren’t gonna work out, then dumping me after I grew to love him more than he ever liked me. I feel like I’m such an idiot for even starting this relationship. Now he doesn’t even miss me at all, turns out I mean nothing to him. He uses age as a bloody excuse that he can walk away from this relationship more easily than me simply because he’s older?? WTF man. But I still miss him sooo much, and every fibre of me is screaming to contact him again. God, should I delete him from my life? From facebook, to the photos, and the 5000 over msgs between us.. It seems so impossible to get over him right now. I’m a pretty rational person, and I know time will heal everything, but if only there was some way to make this process easier. I really do want to get better. I need to. Too much of the rest of my life is at stake right now for me to become a wreck. Talk about bad timing. I really hope that some miracle can save me right now.
My heart feels numb I have cried over his cheating ways on too many occasions but somehow the pain is so terrible and unbearable I just found out he’s with his new conquest now after he promised me that he would stop. I feel so ugly and fat i keep asking myselve what is she having that I don’t have and I keep answering myselve ” dont do this to yourseleve he’s not worth it but the pain just wont ease up.. I feel like beating the shit out of him the next time he comes with his pathetic excuses !!
Oh God but the pain!!!! there are no more tears in my eyes i have been going through the same process for ELEVEN YEARS now my stupidity is just too much for words. I keep asking myselve how an attractive beautiful young and successful woman like me can allow to be treated like trash and keep going back time and time again. I’ve started thinking of horrible things now I think it would be best if he could just die then I will be rid of him and my heart will somehow start to recover that way he wont be able to cause me any more pain and humuliation in my life does that make me a bad person????
I have decided that I will not go through this again this never will he make me feel like this again I am stronger then this and I will make it I just pray to God to give me the strength that I need to make it through a second, a minute, an hour and then hopefully a day.
Thank you very much I needed to say all this it helps to talk to someone going through the same as you, thank you very much…..
I’m A Man………But What You Said Is True……You Will Get Over It………………..
help me i am only 11 and my boyfriend broke up with me in july on a holiday and i still care about him
Enduring day-2 of the love of my life deciding that she doesn’t want to be a part of my life anymore. (Took her a year to figure out she didn’t want to be with someone that’s a dad…) I’ve cried more over her than any time in memory.
I keep putting one foot in front of the other. Were it not for my girls, I fear what would happen
oh god.. i know how you feel. i have 2 kids and my bf was ok with it.. almost 4 years later after living together and being a dad to my kids… he had a change of heart.. i am so sad i want to die.. i love my kids.. but the love i have for this person is way too different.. we had plans… and now he’s gone.. he left me for some younger chick with no kids.. i am so devastated..
I found out 1 week and 2 days ago that my live in boyfriend has been cheating on me for the past 6-7 months. He moved out.. and I’m dying.. Anxiety attacks.. pain.. hurt.. devastation.. i love him so much.. i don’t know how to deal with it.. going home hurts knowing he’s not waiting for me.. Someone please help.. I’m losing my mind..
I am 3 months into my breakup and was in your situation for 2 of those months. Hearing EVERYBODY tell me “time is the only fix” drove me insane as I wanted to fix it now. I wanted her to realise blah blah..all the normal stuff and was in denial (still am a bit) but I have to admit I am slightly better than i was when in your position.
How long were you with him for?
Have you looked up the stages of grief?
We were together for going on 4 years. I don’t know what stage at my right now as far as the grief process.. but the tears till come out every single day.. I know all about the denial part.. Can’t seem to stop thinking it was ALL my fault.. I’m glad to hear that it really does get better with time.. sigh..
im heartbroken too. he dont want to see my face or talk or respond to any of my message.i love him too much and he said i will destroy him if he stay with me.i dont understand anything..im too tired. im too sad. i love him too much
look i know it hurt a lot but we can still move on..life is short to cry the whole day.prayers is an important asset and im doing it everyday..i get courage to smile . i know its difficult as im going through it too. but we have to live also…everyday we are groeing old and we have to use our time and life for useful things..the solution is to not hate that person but pray for him or her and ask GOD TO BLESS U and give u happiness..Believe me GOD OS GREAT AND IF U BELIEVE HE will show u true happiness in him.God bless u all. its a test for ud to understand other pain.love you all and i will pray for you..Why dont we preay for each other..i sure God will help all of us in thet situation.
I have 6 pink stars.Reading these comments make me feel strong.
I was with my girlfriend for 4 years before we decided to end our relationship 12 months ago. We decided to remain friends but both agreed that once either of us felt ready to move on we would be honest with each other and go our seperate ways to save further heartbreak. At the time my girlfreinds father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I made a consious decision that I wouldn’t move on whilst my ex still needed me. I wanted to be there for her because I love her so much. I have been a great friend to my ex over the last 12 months always been there for her offering support,advice and love. I found out 6 days ago that she has a boyfriend and has been with him for months. I feel so betrayed all this time she has told me lie after lie. I knew we would both move on but we agreed to be honest to avoid the heartache I am feeling now.
I have made no contact with her since I found out. I’m so upset I feel used and question whether I ever truly knew her.
I’m struggling what should I do?
Thanks to all for sharing. I am 38 and am going through this for the third time. I really thought that I’d found the one – he said that he had as well. In fact, hours before ending it – he was talking about how this was the richest relationship he’d ever been in. 4 days later, he’s using pictures I took of him to update his match.com account. It’s been just over a week now, and I am still devastated – and, becuase he didn’t close the door on me completely in this – still stupidly hopeful. I feel foolish that I’m nearly 40 and I’m crying like a little girl while I pine for him, while he’s out dating other people. Knowing that I’m not the only one – and that there are others my age that are still dealing with relationships ending helps…
Wow! reading all your stories and knowing im not alone is just the best feeeling, but hurt and pain to be are understatements of heartbreak, its absolutely just world moving it affects every aspect of your life, my story is i met someone on line and didnt think anything of it,we began to exchange messages then he asked for my number, i remember the day he first phoned , he was stuttering and all nervous, i was like awww previously coming out of a breakup in may, this was mid august, we just began messaging and talking constantly, then we met the following week, he took me to Frankie and Bennies, face to face, i remember when we sat down i asked if he had any tattoos and he said no but he is thinking of getting one on his wrist and i was like omg i have one and he then said my first name and his surname, this was it i hit jackpot.
That same day he told me we are seeing each other”Im his” was his exact words and i was like omg it was just so perfect, like considering my last relationship, this was how it should be,3 weeks went by i get a phone call telling me he needs to see me, i was like okay we continued to talk and over the next two hours it came out why he wanted to see me,he told me he spoke to his friends and they said i sound nice but he needs time for him, he has been in 2 relationships and he need time for him, so he was like im so confused because i want you but they said i need time for me and then he started crying and telling me how much he likes me so much more than i know and he wants to be with me and how this is so hard, i was like so if you need time for yourself them maybe you need to take that time out for you, im only a want, your needs are more important and he said why does it sound like its ending and i said your the one confused, he then said he is not stopping or finishing anything, and we should meet the following day, so we did and he dropped another bombshell how he is going to st lucia for 2 years, i paused, because i began to fall for him big time but it was controlled then he dropped another one later that night, i was still there willing to make it work because i loved him and we had our first kiss that night.
Now the forth week, he seemed so distant, i was so devoted messaged him every single morning and every single night without fail, sent him voicenotes ,silly videos all the things that made him smile and and when we met up we would be close and it was just so special, like hands down i met the one mate,thats all i knew well fought then i got a message telling me he needs to see me,going on the last time boy , i knew something wasnt right but he phoned me later that night and when he phoned kit being a month now a very intense month i decided to tell him i love him and i just felt such a release within the same 15 minutes of me saying it he said he spoke to his mentor and his mentor said he is in the best position he is in because he has no kids no committements , so he can just up and go for like gthe job he is trying to pursue and said that he couldnt afford to love me,omg hearing that fucking hell crushed is an understatement, i was finished, the most hurtful words anyone has ever said to me and this was my first love i never had feelings for my ex like this and we were together 3 months, then he said after telling me he couldnt afford to love me, if i know my self worth! i fought it was a joke then told me he has fallen for me in that exact order, i couldnt take it, i have so much pride but , i begged im telling you i begged like my life depended on it, like nothing else, he said but he cannot not have me in his life but in 2 years if im still single he will snap me up because im a dime in a dozen,like are you serious?so i agreed to his stupid friendship nonsense, that week was the most horrific week of my life well at that point, he kept phoning still and messaging, i couldnty understand it, like was i crazy to think i couldnt be friends with someone who i was in love with.
Three months later im in deeper than i ever fought i would be, i even tried to committ suicide, the pain is just so horrible and throughout the months he has been telling me still he wants me,still crying telling me he loves me and wishes he could promise we will be together, so many times we speak he wants to make it official and all this, he even said that he would sacrifice loving me to get his dream, so many times i pleaded with him to tell me he dosnt want me or something and he refused said he does want me but he cant have me,but he can but he cant, that is waht i ahd to go through untill it became enough like how much do i respect myself to keep leeting someone use me like a try me toy, peopel we only kissed once never ever was intimate but yet im in love with him, and he is supposedly in love with me tyhen why am i the only one feeling like this, why am i the one waking up with him in my head and sleeping with him there, why do i cry and cry alone, how is someone ment to believe what you say if you never show it, love is one gift, it is something you should never ever take for granted because if you do,take someones love for granted you will be the one never able to find something true againa dn thats what i had to tell myself is he my loss, no because there is nothing i could of done more, i layed my body,heart and soul, i would of killed for him but you see sometimes love is nit enough and its jerks like that taht always realize in time what they lost and thing sorry can fix everything, so 3 days ago i deleted him from my bb, deactivated my facebook and sent him a last text telling him how ki feel and when i fell kin love with him and how much i love him and wishing him the best.he messaged back telling me well if thats what i think is best for me, are you serious? no fight no, fuck him because he will never ever find someone like me again, men like him are all over the place ,like its not hard enough finding someone sincere in the first place, people like that will learn,
Its been 3 days and ive been tempted to message twice but seeing this blog, has helped me recognize i have done the right thing, if they really care they will fight, all i wished was for him to feel my pain because it still hurts and i feel like im in the getting over process again, i was scared does make you wonder if you ever will but we will because we afre survivors and we are strong and they are weak , people keep telling me he will realize and come back but to be honest if i wasnt enough for him now i never will be but i can gurantee you one thing, i am enough for me and someone will love me the way i deserve and will appreciate me.xxx.always remain hopeful even though it hurts.xxx. its not forever
Im so sorry for my spelling mistakes people all that came out in anger!lool
I just broke up with my girl about 2 weeks, we’ve been together a long time and we already have plans to marry next year. I really do not think it would end like this. It is very painful. now I am still very sad and difficult to forget her, my friend tried to comfort me, but I still can not forget her in my mind. I don’t know when these painful feelings will pass. ohhh God please help me!
2-3 hours in bed already…replaying every degrassi episode and munching on any sweet snack I can find. I’ve never had my heart broken and although this is my first time, I know it can only get worse from here. Consider im slightly a teenager at the moment, I know that what I just went through is only a little piece of what is yet to come in my further relationships. I can’t even imagine any new relationships…I’m still torn up about it…but I gained something out of this…the ability to say know I’m my brain although my heart is saying yes…sometimes, following your heart only leads to a dead end with no where to go…Except in your bed, replaying every degrassi episode and munching in any sweet snack i can find,
I a guy have just been dumped, she was my first girlfriend(P.S I’m 19).. Iv had crushes before but that died within 5 days. What I felt for this girl was something else.. She had 2 ex boyfriends.. And would constantly talk to one of them even more then she would talk to me.. That broke my heart.. Then I talked to her about it and she said she won’t talk to him so I forgave her.(even though it would kill me everyday) then 3 weeks ago to this day she ended the relationship saying that she had a big conscience and that it felt good when your mom trusted you.. I had two things to say to that 1) if she had a big conscience did she think it would literally DESTROY my heart and mind? And 2) the sad thing is she told the same thing to her one of her exs when she broke up with him… (she told me that in the beginning of our relationship) does she really expect me to believe her? I can’t get over this girl even though I know for a fact that I deserve better, not because of an immaturity of her breaking up with me, but because she was into drugs/ had boyfriends, and had a horrid personality compared to mine. I hope you read this my now ex.. I still have feelings for you unfortunately but I will NEVER forgive you for breaking my heart not once but two times in this relationship.. If you cared so much about your moms trust you shouldn’t have talked to me when I was willing to wait for you for two years without heartbreak.. P.S I know the cause of our relationship was your younger sister.. She may think she is cunning but I knew for over a month and a half what she was going to do, slowly with poison she told you that we wernt going to work.. I don’t know if she was jealous/ selfish but now your going to go down a path that I was willing to save you from.. And your sister made you lose a type of guy you never deserved.. Ask your older sister. P.S I know alot of guys hit on you in highschool, which gave you a HUGE confidence boost, but did you know I have 8 girls after me in college? And I ignored them for you.. Never told you about them.. And thanks for crushing my heart.
Just got dumped last night. Christmas Eve. We had only dated for six months, but i’m 20, so 6 months is a very long time. I had had another boyfriend before that for 2 years whom i lost my virginity to and loved very deeply, but i broke up with him because he started doing drugs and lying all the time. It hurt like hell, but then i met this last guy and he was an amazing distraction, a really great guy that was way better looking than my previous bf, and treated me amazingly. i thought he was just a rebound at first but it turned into something more. We were so close. although i wasn’t a virgin i felt that i was with him, that he was my first. it was so much more special with him. He broke up with me last night because he says he’s tired of doing nothing with his life and wants more, and doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. He doesn’t want the stress. but we were doing so well before that so it caught me really off guard.
I begged him back for hours and cried my eyes out and did everything pathetic you could think of but he wouldn’t take me back. So i stopped calling and texting him. it hasn’t even been a full day yet but im so proud of myself for not texting him for 12 hours. i want those 10 stars.
The pain is unfathomable unless you’ve been through the same thing. Reading all of your posts makes me feel so much better because i know most of you truly know what i’m going through. I feel so claustrophobic, just being in my room and in this town everything reminds me of him, i am so completely devastated, i haven’t ate or drank anything, i’ve made myself physically sick. It helps to know that it gets better with time but it’s not comforting to hear people talk about how years later they are still scarred from the pain. I never want to feel this way again. I am praying that all of you going through a heartbreak won’t feel alone or inadequate. We are all connected, just remember that.
I feel you. Christmas was terrible.
He is very depressed and wants to be alone due to extreme family circumstances and generally disliking himself. He says he doesn’t want to break up but that it just feels wrong, he doesn’t know what else to do. He feels so guilty and doesn’t understand why i would want him.
He’s the only man I’ve ever loved. We immediately had a deep and intense connection and can talk and talk like there’s no tomorrow.
We lived together for almost a year after dating for 6 months.
On our moving day he was calling me “baby”. We sat on the floor and sobbed together; he doesn’t want this, either. But doesn’t know what else to do.
I’m just lost without him. I want to stick by him during this difficult time.
As I write this I’m waiting outside my wife’s motel room. It’s been about 4 hours now and she knows I’m out here. I’ve been through 1 other heart wrenching breakup in my life And told myself I’d never give my heart to another. I made it through nine years of unattached superficial relationships, and I prided myself on being honest with females so I wouldn’t put anyone through the pain I felt. Then I met Alicia. She said all the right things and worked her way into my heart. She had been married before but her husband, her high school sweetheart was killed about 6 years ago. I went against my better judgement and opened my heart to her because it seemed she was only looking for someone to love her. She awakened feelings inside me I hadn’t felt since I was 19. I never knew my heart was empty till it was filled and now “the bachelor life” isn’t enough for me. I’ve been alone for most of my adult life but I’ve never felt lonely until now. So now I sit waiting on her to show her face so I can let her know that she can’t lie her way out of this one.
Thank you for the post it distracted me from the pain for a moment at least.
i had been with her for a year. everytime i remembr how much i love her, i feel my insides screaming. Alice. I lost her. thats the last time i prayed! lol
It’s been three weeks and I breakdown every day still. I thought she was the love of my life and she told me I was her soulmate, and that she could never hurt me. The first 2.5 months were the best I’ve ever, truly incredible, then she changed abruptly for no apparent reason. In hindsight there were plenty of clues, I just ignored them because I wanted to believe the fantasy she presented. She was cruel in the end and two days after she broke it off she started trying to reengage, first she wanted to be “friends” but wouldn’t define what that meant, when I declined she said she wanted me back…it was all a game. I’ve left out the details but it turns out that this was my first romantic encounter with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I’ll always love who I thought she was, but I know if I went back it might very well have killed me. I’m serious, this was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, almost supernatural, I started having anxiety attacks, my physical health declined, super weird. If you’ve had an amazing romance with what you thought was an incredible person, only to be lied to, cheated on, and played with, look up the disorder, it will give you answers where there don’t seem to be any. There are actually people out there who have no conscience, no capacity for love, and who derive pleasure from breaking hearts.
Thanks for the post, I’ll start making stars tomorrow.
Good luck all, may these experiences bring us closer to the real love of life.
Totally crushed. I’m 57 she was the one I always wanted. Don’t know that she was the type u described but thought u should know. I read this book called “the Scoieopath Next Door”.
Statitical fact: 5% of people have no consience. They don’t have the gene. It’s a pretty new one. Hey, 2,000 yrs. ago we were throwing people to the lions for sport. I think i’ll look up Narcissism.
Think you might b interested in looking up Sociopaths, or reading that book, it was fasinating.
Steve
Hmmm.my mouth cant say wat am passn tru now.shes use 2b d luv of my lif,my only frnd nd my evrythn.she was closer 2me dan my flesh.i luvd her nd i know i can die 4 her.hmm,she cald me aftr she travld that she was raped in a 9t club without me.2 make all things short,she is a great decievr.i ve cried like there is no tomorro.my life seems 2b in shambles since she left.i feel like dying wil b d best.am still facing it now nd i dont kno when it will end. God help me
Guys,
Reading this post has me stunned. I am going through literally everything that has been mentioned above. My boy was/is living in my hometown too, and I’m in college, so whenever I fly back to the east side of the world during college vacations, I have to deal with this pain. We were long distance and were always counting down to see each other winter break. A few weeks before winter break came, he supposely felt that he could no longer do the distance, that he was not cut out for it, that he needed me there or else it wouldn’t work for him – he could not tolerate the distance.
Bullshit? Fact of the matter is, if you care about someone enough, you should want to push through it knowing that you’ll be reunited someday. It is so awfully tough on me right now. I cry myself to sleep, I cry in the shower, I cry when I wake up. I call my mom crying, asking why this had to happen to me, why such a perfect guy for me could possibly do this after all our memories which he himself said were amazing times.
How does he not miss it? Why am I the only one sitting here 10,000 miles away bawling over this?
Can someone please tell me that it will get better and that I’ll move on. I’m losing faith here. I can not possibly feel like this about anyone else ever again. I can’t imagine never being with him again. I am scared to death about what’s going to happen, how will we end up, will I ever be indifferent, will I lose him forever if I forget about him? Everything I do every day, from getting dressed, eating meals, going to school, talking to friends…everthing seems pointless, meaningless. Like, there is no point to life anymore without anyone to share it with, or impress, or show things to, or say things to. No other boy even compares; in terms of looks, personality, mannerisms and antics. Every other guy puts me off.
Am I just going nuts?
Please help
No you are not going nuts, pretty much everything you are feeling at the momen, i am feeling exactly the same, my fiance just told me two days ago that he doesnt love me anymore. We have been together almost 8 years, we have a home togther and a dog, amounst other things.
I think i am still in utter shock to be honest, i realise that our relationship has had its problems and there were things that needed to be worked on but i never expected this to happen.
i didnt actually think he would ever have had enough and fall out of love with me. ive pretty much cried none stop, at the moment i just feel numb, i dont know what to do, or think, or feel. I dont know how to be normal, its just like you describe my body is doing the normal things but my mind is somewhere else. everything seems pointless, if i dont have him i dont have anything, ive built my whole life around him and now im left with nothing, i feel so lost and alone. there are people for me to turn to but i dont feel they fully understand what this is like for me, how can they?
i am so scared of the future now, i had it all mapped out infront of me, marraige, kids etc and now its all been taken away from me so suddenly and i feel like he is just a total stranger who i dont no. I want to just shake him up and say ‘ hello are you still in there somewhere!??’ because he is being so strong and cold and heartless about it, he says he thinks that is for the best but it doesnt make me feel any better is anything its worse, i need to know that he at least cares about what he is doing to me, to us.
i feel for you right now, no one can understand this unless they have gone through it
Sigh, since my break up almost 3 years ago I have come back to this thread several times for comfort. He was my first love and meant the world to me, more than the world, more than i could ever explain. The time i spent with him though it wasn’t as long as some of the others here was breathtaking, the best times of my life so far, and i wouldn’t give a minute of it up for anything. It made life feel like it had never felt before, sort of like really breathing or opening my eyes for the first time. It was long distance for a time and eventually ended because of the military. I was completely devastated, in my mind there was nobody else, no other guys in the world, nobody who could ever compare. We try to remain friends now but it makes moving on soso hard. Despite all these things after all this time that’s passed life is normal again, i laugh, smile, date and sleep like a baby at night. You may not forget your ex or first love but life goes on and you will, even with them in your life for some. I never thought i would be the one saying this, but when i was balling my eyes out looking for any type of comfort after the break the only thing that made me think that i could possibly live life again was the experiences of others who had gone through it and came out just fine on the other side. So take your time, cry, vent it’s natural and probably at this point healthy. Just remember that you will eventually feel better and be happy, i promise.
hello………i have been dating this boyfriend of mine about 7 months now nd he stresses me a lot i have lost my weight nd my main problem is that i really love him so much with all my heart..bt i was planning to dump him but i cant imagine the world without him,,,,plis help wat can i do..
I needed to see this so much, words can’t even express. I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half, my first real relationship that wasn’t long distance. We started dating when we were freshmen in college, and at this point I feel like I lost so much of me into him and regretted who I had become. I wanted to break up with him, I was sure of it, and then he was the one that broached the subject. We cried together, we laughed together, and we’re going to try to be friends, but in the end I know things can never be the same. And they shouldn’t be.
But for being so sure it was what I wanted, I feel like my heart has been crushed into a million pieces. It couldn’t have been more mutual, and I know he’s hurting too, but right now all I can do is cry my eyes out and hope my roommate doesn’t walk into my room because I just want to be alone. I have hope that things will get better, but right now things are just so overwhelming that I don’t know what to do. I realize now I’ve never been heartbroken and I don’t know how I’ll ever put myself willingly into the situation again.
Thank you for being bold enough to describe the dirty of a breakup and in doing so make me feel a little less out of control.
i read all these blogs and put myself in a girls shoes and you know what i have learned as a man that hearts arent ment to be broken yet all my life thats all i have ever felt until i met the ONE. Shes always been there for me thru thick and thin and yet i have been treated like crap all my life by females shes been my angel thats probably why i have been such a ass to her i just wish she knew how much she means to me i love her son as if was my own, i even want to change his last name to mine and yet i still feel like crap cuz i cant conect with her on her level i dont know how. I wish i could move with her and my son far away and start fresh but would that fix anything at all if she cant forget the past. wheres there a time machine when you need it?
Wow. The ending was sort of a slap in the face, because I’ve been searching for a different answer than just “time”. Thank you though, it’s something I need to hear I guess. It’s weird, I thought my situation was different… But reading these comments, I guess not. Still doing the friends with benefits thing 3 months later. Still in love with him and he says that he thinks he loves me still, but isn’t in love and doesn’t want a relationship right now with anyone. He still really wants to be friends because we were friends before it happened, yet he hardly texts. Only if a nag him…. And we don’t ever talk on the phone anymore. We hang out for an evening every couple weeks and I just get flooded with happiness… Then spend the rest of my days in depression. It hurts so much but should I just break it off for good?
Wow Nicole,
You and I are going through the same thing except it’s a girl who ripped my heart out. 3 years, an engagement ring… She put it on my finger, and now I can’t even look at it. I haven’t eaten or slept in days. Tonight we spoke.
I asked her if she was coming back and if she still loved me. “I don’t know.”
something like, “are you coming back?”
“No, Sam. Not right now.”
Let the tears and text-message-terrorism fly. I hope I can get through this. The aching chest, the headaches, the hyperventilation.
This has been going on for two weeks.
I’m furious and hurt.
I wish I hated her.
I am currently still on day 2….still crying almost all of the day and most of the night living on half a packet of wotsits and chewing gum to get me through. I found this link yesterday and it was the only thing that put a smile on my face so this morning after the usual heartbroken text message that I really shouldnt have sent him…then got no reply…I put the internet on to read this again…and again it cheered me up…Thank you Nicole you have made my day… hope everyones pain heals quickly…hope I stop sending inannely stupid text messages and crying all the time very soon…Thanks again from me all the way over in the UK xxx
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