When you haven’t been through a rough break up in a while, you forget how soul shattering it really is.
Until someone you care about gets thrown into the depths of it, and then all of those forgotten memories tumble out. You immediately hear your past pain echoing in their questions. You remember frantically asking the same things, like how the hell you were expected to live without him and what, exactly, the purpose was of getting out of bed ever again.
I don’t know that I have an answer to those questions, but for me, the process went something like this:
Get broken up with. Cry so much that you’re literally positive it’s never going to end. Call your mom. Question the purpose of life and every single thing you’ve ever done. Call your dad. Call anyone who will listen to you sob hysterically for 45 minutes without even attempting to form a sentence.
Feel embarrassed for being such a disaster case. Call your mom again. And again. Have a nervous breakdown and consider admitting yourself to the local hospital for some sort of tranquilizer/coma inducer.
Realize they probably don’t induce coma on demand. Decide instead to fly across the country and spend the weekend with your mom. Cry more. Obsess. Email him and suggest being friends. Cry when he says it’s too soon. Cry more. Stare angrily at people who tell you that “everyone goes through this.” Attempt to cut people who go so far as to suggest that “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Cry more.
Eat way too much for a while. Eat way too little to compensate. Cry. Sleep a lot. Whine to everyone who will listen about how you’re positive he’s over you and also positive that you’ll never get over him. Ever. Throw things at their face when they insist that you’re wrong.
Get wildly drunk. Get even more wildly drunk and yell about the unfair cruelty of life. Use lots of obscenities. Pass out. Repeat. Hook up with inappropriate men. Cry. Repeat. Think about him when you first wake up, and then think about him all day, and then again before you go to sleep. Berate yourself for thinking about him so much. Miss class. Cry.
Agree to be friends with him because he’s ready. Flirt. Fly out to visit him without telling anyone, knowing that you couldn’t find a single person who would think it’s a good idea. Sleep with him. Tell yourself that you’re “totally fine being friends with benefits.” Feel happy again. Somehow manage to convince yourself that sleeping with him regularly while you’re both home on break is a glorious idea.
Completely lose your shit at the airport when you realize that in fact, you’re NOT FINE and it’s NOT a glorious idea. Finally decide to stop speaking to him until you’re ready, whatever that means. Cut him out of your life. Put a little pink star in your planner for every day that you don’t talk to him. Feel insanely proud when you get to three stars. Cry. Attempt to move on with your life.
Get to 10 stars. Cry, but less frequently. Get to 20 stars. Realize he’s not always the first thing you think about in the morning. Stop crying. Get to 30 stars. Literally throw yourself a party. Continue with the stars and the daily managing of the pain.
Realize that your mom might not have been a complete and total crack addict when she said that time was the only thing that could heal you.
{ 109 comments… read them below or add one }
For me, the hooking up with inappropriate men has always been the most prominent part.
heartbreak is brutal….
I absolutely love this post and could have truly used it back in the day.
Yep. That’s about right.
Amen sista.
I totally could have used this post, and you as a friend, when I went through the same thing. I literally felt like nothing was worth getting out of bed. And no one had anything to say that made any sense. But you, and this post. If only I’d had it to read when it happened to me…
That story is a familiar one, except condense it all into a four-week time period (minus sleeping with the ex, and replace flying to my mom’s to my dad’s) and that was my break-up experience. It’s tough to go through, but then you suddenly realize that things get just a little easier day by day.
How about when he pulls you aside once you’ve finally started pulling yourself together and tells you he has made a mistake and wishes he could turn back time – all while he is seeing someone else, with no intention of breaking up with them. You convince yourself that he is sincere and resort to sleeping in his clothes again, only to finally let yourself see that no, he wasn’t sincere, he’s over it, and you are clearly not.
The inappropriate men part rings too true.
I just decided to think of reasons to hate my ex.
It made the getting over him part way easier. (I was the dumpee, but still! It can hurt, a lot, to do what’s right for you.)
My current relationship has caused me more heartbreak than any break up ever did. Things are great now, but holy hell. Let’s just say him living with 9 girls on the other side of the country did not lead to good things, mmm kay?
This is so poignantly true and relatable, and also kind of hilarious. I love the staring angrily and the attempting to cut people.
Sigh. For a long time, I buried her so deep after my own deconstructed burnt out process, quite similar to what you’ve described above, that I was several years passed and already into THE really great relationship of my life (still going strong) before I literally had to dig her up and crack open the box I put her into (she put me into?) so the air and the dirt and the worms could break her down. I literally had to purge her from my mind and body.
Gretchen and I were apartment hunting and after several shitty, grimy, run-down apartments, I was beginning to feel quite ill. We stopped for gatorade — which used to be my go to drink for nearly every ailment — and I was beginning to doubt my ability to make the round to our last prospect. We got to the place, met the upstairs landlady, and had a look around. I immediately felt better and knew this was the place and upon leaving my illness slowly reestablished itself, bringing my body to a fever of 102F.
Gretchen put me to bed and joined me a few minutes later and that’s when I realized what was going on: it was two years to the day, to the hour, that my heart had been shattered into a million little pieces.
I didn’t know what to do, I was delirious, and so lacking any other plan or recourse, I just began to talk aloud — to Gretchen only because she was with me at the moment (and I’m so glad she was) — about what happened that night. I dissolved into tears, curled up into Gretchen, and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, my fever was gone and I felt light, airy, and best of all: free.
The whole ordeal still hurts — I guess that’s why heart’s are broken. Please give your friend some love from a fellow love-scarred veteran, even though they might not hear what you have to say.
Jamie’s post really tossed me into the middle of those feelings again, and into remembering how when you’re in othat place everything is a conscious decision that takes effort. Thinking about the person, or not thinking about the person. Trying not to talk about them. Trying not to call.
The worst for me was that my Ex and I tried to stay friends and would tell eachother about the people we were dating. At length. And cry on the phone to each other about how we were dating other people. It was brutal. But I’m glad I’ve had that experience because it’s not sustainable to feel that way, and I learned my rule:
No matter how sad and depressed I am, I can only feel that way for five days. Then, just physically, I start to feel better because I don’t have the energy to feed that sustained sadness.
Knowing that has been really freeing.
I absolutely loved this post, Nicole. You said it better than I ever could have. I probably went through every emotion you listed. You’re a great writer.
Where is this hooking up with inappropriate men happening because I want to be one of those guys.
It just seems easier this way.
Yes to all of this.
Proof once again that Mom’s always know best.
Amen.
I finally took a semester off from school to separate myself from it. I stayed in my room for a week and if I wasn’t crying, I was reading (note I didn’t say eating). Then my mom gave me this book on divorce and said that break-ups can sometimes be like a death, and you go through a period of grief and the chapter on grief was something I should read. It was interesting, I knew they were talking about me because everything in that chapter was exactly what I was dealing with. I think I lost 10-15 pounds.
Then when I went back to school we managed to become friends again when his new girlfriend broke up with him, then we started hooking up because I was lonely and he was willing. But our “friendship” was so toxic, I graduated and even if we talked on the phone it turned into a fight because we just brought out the worst in each other. So I finally told him (on my birthday) that we should never speak again, I deleted his number from my phone.
Months upon months later I randomly received a call from him, he told me he missed me and all I could say was “thank you.” Then he asked if he lived here if it would be different, if we’d have another chance and I was so proud of myself when I was able to say, “No, I don’t think so.”
Oh wow. This could have been a cookie cutter of my relationship in college. It’s so scary to think about going through that again! I wish your friend all the best.
you hit the nail on the head nicole.
yeah this sounds about right. time is pretty much the only answer all the time.
“Literally throw yourself a party.”
o_O
Was this the apartment party or some party I wasn’t invited to?
Beautiful post. I don’t think it’s ever really possible to remain friends with someone you’ve been in love with unless both people are equally invested in the break-up. It’s too painful.
The pink stars — wow, why didn’t I think of that??
This is totally spot-on.
this is the most accurate depiction i’ve yet to hear, and nearly identical (including the flying out and sleeping with him, the party for yourself, etc) to my experience. minus the pink stars.
ive only had one huge crazy sad breakup. i hope they all don’t go this way. i would like to say ive learned from being such a big baby.
Yep, except you forgot about asking your best guy friend to “beat him up.”
sounds about right except I’d have to throw in “sleeping with your ex WHILE dating the rebound guy” Yeah, bad times. But we’re stronger for them!!
You’re fantastic.
I’m just glad I’m with someone whose going to stick.
Welp. Aside from the flying part, that’s pretty much a true story for me, too. We must be sisters!
This is so perfectly written. I never had to deal with things to that degree (in the one serious relationship I had before my husband, I ended up being the one doing the dumping, although that is a long story in itself…) but I’ve had sisters and best friends deal with everything you so perfectly described.
No matter how tough it is, no matter how it tears you apart, time helps put the pieces back together. Slowly, but surely.
It’s not just time that heals you…it’s the pink stars. Definitely the pink stars.
I totally feel you. Currently going through a breakup myself. Bring on the crying!!
my boyfriend and i broke up on wednesday….i cant stop crying. wow! today especially.
From me: a sigh, a nod.
Well, it sounds like we all go through the same misery. Your post sounds exactly right, though I think it took more than 30 stars before I stopped thinking about him first thing when I woke up. I’m still at the point where I would like to get through 2 days in a row without even thinking about him.
Sharing some blog LOVE on this fine V-Day Eve! Thanks for the good reads!
http://shesgotchutzpah.blogspot.com/2009/02/lucky-girl.html
Pick your fave 10 and pass it on!
It’s such a strange experience. Before it happened to me, I did not get it. I couldn’t really understand the pain and the hurt that my friends/siblings were going through.
And then it DOES happen to you and you completely understand. I’ve always felt a special bond with someone going through heartbreak. Because it’s one of the human emotions that you can really relate to – you really understand how they are feeling.
Very well written and very accurate!
yeah. just… yeah.
That’s a great post! A broken heart is a nightmare to repair
Dead on… though you forgot the part about listening to way too much Ben Harper on repeat. Le sigh.
I completely agree with everything you said. I think we’ve all been there or will be there, at some point in our lives.
Makes for great blogging, though.
i drink the pain away
That was a great description of a uniquely irrational progression that we as humans (for better or worse) repeat throughout our lifetimes.
I started “whatever” with an ex’ for awhile, and I kept it really quiet…partly because I knew it was a bad idea, and partly because I knew it wouldn’t last once it got out.
Things changes, life happens, and then we look back and wonder why it took so long….forgetting that change isn’t something we plan, it is something we experience.
Oh, I’ve been through the breakup thing…. the hardest thing to hear is “It will get better!”
I can’t tell you how many people told me this during my breaks. And I can’t tell you how many peoples necks I wanted to break for telling me this. I don’t want to hear “It WILL get better” I want to FEEL better now.
Most important part of Breaking is the No Contact thing, though. It’s essential…
This post had me laughing SO HARD!!! I love you and you’re completely right. It looks like our breakup processes are very similar, minus the pink stars on the calendar – which I loved!!
As a guy, this list is very funny to me. LOL
I'm so surprised that this post made people laugh, because it made me CRY! My last serious break-up was about three years ago, but this post? Is part of h reason that I haven't pursued anything more serious in the interim. I hate this co-dependent relationship shit and the way it makes us so WEAK and it weakens our friendships and it lessens our ability to stand on our own two feet and it's so, so awful. I'm at a loss, but my heart goes out to Jamie. Breaking up is hard to do.
I'm at day 309. That's a lot of stars, but I earned each and every one.
Great post.
I came back across this, with rather ironic timing (since I'm dealing with my latest relational implosion). Thanks again.
I'm getting there–I'm just coming out of a never ending saga. (Think friends with benefits for 11 months after we broke up). Scary, I know. This time it's over.
Loved this post.
I will bookmark this post and use it to help friends that may one day go through it and I want to help them, but my words aren't enough.
I'm almost to day 3. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done. This post helps a lot.
i love this
Just went through my first real heartbreak and remembered this post and came back to it… basically sums up my life at the current moment. But thank you for putting it in words, and reassuring me that I'll hit 10 stars soon…
I agree gettin heartbroken from someone you really love and you know that he is not by yourside anymore can really suck but i am still seeing them in all my classes at school thats hard but i guess i have to suck it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was just yesterday she broke up with me and i'm googling 'how to deal with heartbreak' when i came across this. I know your words don't make sense now, but eventually i know, it's probably true. thanks in advance for putting something this brutally honest and necessary.
A heartbreak is a heart shake.. i jus dont know how to get over mine yet.. aargghh!!.. it hurts.
Well I just broke up with him yesterday, and I guess I don't really understand much of the blog as I'm yet to get there. I cried for hours when he told me he "still loved me, but didn't want a relationship". It suddenly felt as if my happy and content world I'd been living in, came crashing down. I just woke up to tears, as I realised this wasn't my nightmare, it was reality. I have to meet up with him in a few days to give him his things back, and I know how ever strong I feel, I'm going to break down in front of him. I'm dreading it. This is my fist love, and as I'm only in high school, I guess as the song goes, "The first cut is the deepest…" (cont…)
I don't know how I'll get over it, and it's true that I think I won't ever. There were so many plans; memories; good times, and they all seem to have flooded back, and there's no where in my brain to think. He wants to remain friends, but as many people have said, I know I'm gonna find it hard. The pain is overwhelming, and it feels like someone's got a knife a cut a large chunk out of me. And I miss him. Soo much. I guess as time goes, it will get easier. But it's gonna take a long time…
Great post! I am going through all this – right at this very moment in time. It's an emotional rollercoaster ride, one that I just don't want to accept. I keep looking at the calendar, thinking I wonder if in 3,6 or 9 months, this will all get a little easier? At this point in time, I don't know.
How one human being can do this to another is beyond me. It hurts!!!!
it's only been a week and I still feel more lost than ever. we were on and off for two years but it was always outisde problems that got in our way, Then he got his dream job thanks to my support and he just changed. He still told me he loved me and said that he wanted me to be the mother of his children and wanted me to be his wife. I was so in love and so wanting that to become a reality that I didn't notice that I was slowly losing myself. I did all the giving and he did all the taking and in the end he planned it so I looked like the bad guy. It breaks my heart everyday, thinking how cruel he was and how much I miss him. it's so unfair I wish I could just hate him and move on but I still love him so much, I think I will try the stars thing cos so far I've done nearly a week without contacting him but yeasterday I txted and emailed. I need to let go because holding on is only hurting me. love sucks…
amen to that, pretty much describes the last 5 months of my life minus the sleeping with the ex part (he had a new GF two weeks after we broke up so ya or i might have) but loving the pink stars, have to remember that for next time (here's hoping there wont be a next breakup, dont wanna feel that way again)
Where were you in January when I was the one crying and repeating and calling my Mom? The pink stars are brilliant. I'm at 9 months and still miss him so much it hurts. Or do I miss the idea of him? Still working that one out.
Oh my gosh – that pretty much sums up everything in a nutshell although I would like to know how to stop the hanging out and sleeping with him while not telling anyone. Brutal – you just put into words exactly what every/most girls have been through.
i just wanted to say thank you for writing your heartbreak guide. i just read it and OH MY GOD. i think i have to go out and buy some little pink stars. it's only been a week, and i haven't given up yet, but i guess i have hooking up with strangers to look forward to??
also, ketchup is gross. fries and mayo though? divine…
This post is about the only thing helping me right now. Thanks Nicole x
I'm a Guy, but feel like i'm acting like a girl, crying all night, whilst staring at her picture on facebook cuddled up with another man.
This relationship had been quiet intense, with me flying halfway around the world to see her 6 times in 6 months – got some great frequent flyer miles, but that dosen't help the pain.
This post has realy helped me understand what i'm feeling. Thank you, and God bless you Nicole x x x
Find new love. Show that you look better after the breakup. Love and love.
Lost 7 lbs so far & counting…inability to cry…feeling numb…when is this all gonna be over? Maybe starting to give self star is a good idea…thanks for your post…it’s intelligent.
well, she broke up with me 3 weeks ago and it really hurts. When you’ve always imagined the 2 of u growing old together and now breakup. In fact we we were engaged and she has taken off the ring. Im distraught. Yes I messed up big by pushing for things I shouldn’t have at the time when we were goin through financial difficulty. But I have realised that my problm was not listening to what she wanted. Apart from financials and wanting a baby at the wrong time, we are perfect together. I really messed up. I try and give her space and then at times I feel strong enough to le her be, then I think Lord I cant live withut this woman. Yeah weird, but yes I have cried many times. I have begged and stopped, talked and stopped. I am accepting taht we are nt more, but how do you deal with his pain? I will never love again after this, I dont think I can put out ma heart the way I did again.
I’m on 5 months and yes it still hurts so much. I find myself staring at his picture on facebook and being enthralled with jealousy when I see pictures of him and other girls together. It especially sucks because my family moved to a whole different state a month after we broke up so now I’m alone without any friends. I’m not in college yet and I don’t have a car…I’m so screwed here and it upsets me. I want a life outside of him because I know he screwed me over in the end…its just so difficult. But I’m sooo stealing that pink star idea. Reading this post and everyone else’s replies have given me hope.
We dated in high school. It was a pretty intense relationship for a 14 year old because we were best friends. He was older than me and ready for more.. well things my 14 year old body did not want to give him. When we broke up I cried for, from what I remember, at least three months. I listened to songs that reminded me of him, wrote him letters and then eventually threw away anything that reminded me of him. The next guy that came along I jumped to loving because I wanted that “loving feeling” so bad. This relationship lasted for four years, while my ex moved across the country. We began talking again after I broke up with my current boyfriend. He moved back home. The first day he was home he saw me, after five years, all of my feelings came back. We were together everyday for a few weeks. He told me he loved me, that he always loved me. These were the words I was waiting to hear. When he disappeared, like he usually did when he got to close, I cried till he came back. I didn’t get out of bed. My face was perpetually puffed because of how hard I cried. This went on for months. He said he loved me, but was not in love with me. Whatever the fuck that means. He said he thought we would be great together, but he did not want a serious relationship. He said he wanted to be friends, I said no. Then eventually gave in and haven’t heard from him in weeks. He is constantly making me look like an idiot and I am letting him. I just want this to be over, but I can’t let go of the feeling that he is “my person.”
but when he says he loves you…none of this works…and when he wants to wait a year to get back together just so you can see each other more often…and then says he loves again even though your not dating anymore…it hurts more then words can describe
absolutely fabulous! Made me feel better for 2 minutes, then I cried!
Urgh. Going through this at the moment. I honestly had no idea someone could even be IN the amount of pain you’ve just described – I thought it was all an exaggerated made-for-tv joke. Fuck you, life.
Thanks for the blog
i litterally just got dumped today from a 3 year relationship, its hard even for some guys… my first reaction when she did it was to find a rebound and attempt to use her to make me feel needed:\ i just keep checking my phone hoping she will text or call me and say its all just a big joke and things can go on as planned… this really helped. i am in the denial stage but i cant help but to tell myself it will be okay. (she just texted me saying she will be getting her number changed within the next few days]’: )
Im in the never get out of bed eat too much peach yogurt and sometimes, spastically, take a break from crying. This is amazing though. Made me smile. Thank you.
I got dumped by a girl I met online about 40 days ago. Our values were in accord, we even had discussed marriage and where we might end up.
We talked on phone and on skype. As little as a week ago, she told me she was going to enjoy raising our kids and was going to transfer credits to a school near me (I am job hunting and planning to move in 6 months). We never met but it seemed like we had found a missing part of each other. The official reason is that she is lonely (our love, if it was ever real for her, was just online) and can’t stand the uncertainty. She told me during the exchange that I was everything she wanted.
I am 33 and this is the second time I have been dumped. It hurts so much. I feel like such an idiot for falling for her.
I’m in deep pain, i can’t stop thinking of her and wonder what happened that she changed her mind cos i was 100% she loved me, i wake up in the morning thinking of her,go to bed thinking of her and even dream of her. She wants us to be friends and mad now cos i’m not keeping in touch as expected from her. I want to i swear but i am only trying to be strong and forget about her by not keeping in touch because i can’t be her friend. I LOVE HER and still do. what do i do….this hurts so bad to get her back?
Happens to guys too
Except guys cant have random hookups that easily to get their mind off it.
With girls, all they have to do is say “yes”, with guys its a whole world of pain.
I’m currently on day 2…. This post helps remind you that other people feel just as bad.
This is probably the worst break up yet for me…
only because I found out she is pregnant from another guy…
It’s so sad how people can make such drastic mistakes….
I know that if I can get over this, I can get over anything.
Ahahaha! OMG, this post is amazing! You are describing EXACTLY what I’m going through right now. I got to 3 stars today. Well, if you start counting down on the last day you attempted to contact him. Because he literally has not been calling back and running away from me at clubs. Like, 12-year-old style. And I wake up in the morning with that half a second of bliss when you don’t remember what your life is like. And the next thing I think about is him.
And today I keep playing over a scene in my head where I see him in two months and he decides to be friendly and completely ignore how awful he’s been and I just swear him out. In front of his friends. Oh the pleasure I get from playing that scene over and over again in my head.
Anyways, awesome post. I’m glad I found it.
Thanks so much. Reading this actually made me feel a tiny bit better, or at least normal and less crazy. I broke up with someone last week and have been doing/ thinking all of he above.
He was my first love, you know, the one you never forget. He took everything from me.. my heart, my mind, my virginity. And left me with nothing more than.. im not stable enough for a relationship right now.. I remeber grasping my chest and prayign to god it would be okay again, maybe i could feel something, maybe i could just have him in my life. I still would not have changed anything, i love him still to this very day. and those times we had together they, will forever outway the bad. I am currently in the best relationship i have ever been in. It took almsot two years to even be abel to slightly feel something for someone else. i was so afraid to even let myself get close to someone.. my heart couldnt take anymore. well at least thats what i convinced myself. through everything, i have only learned i am so much stornger than i make myself out to be. everyone gets hurt, everyone crys, if it takes 1 day or 20 years, you will eventually learn how much you can acctually take one at once and noone should ever keep themselves from expericening the best things in life because of the acheing in your chest. That pain is still there for me.. 2 years later, and during an amazing relationship, its still there. no matter how many times he tells me i am worthless, good for nothing, basicly soemthing he wants nothing to do with.. i still love him, and i cannot bring myself to belive he really means it. he was my best freind.. my everything, and he litterally left me with nothing.. but today, i am okay. and i wouldnt trade those memories for the world. today, i am okay.
Whaaa it’s been 9 months and I’ve been avoiding the crying but I don’t think I’ve gotten it out enough …..I loved him sooo muchhhh and he neverrr loved me back he fell in love with a girl who looks just like me …I’m better though…whaaa I’m so heart brokennn like a bitch…I’m even in a relationship and I still can’t stop being obsessed with his facebook profile…ahhhh when I read this story or whatever you call it …it made me feel better, I didn’t feel alone …whaaa I’m like crying right now!! I loveee u sooo muchhh whaaa I’m going to cryy every night untill itsss alll putty ahhh and let time heal my hurting soul .
A heartbreak, it literally feels like your inside and your heart most esp. have been ripped to bits and the emotional pain is too excruciating, you don’t know what to do to alleviate it. I am undergoing one for the moment but I am trying to be strong…I know I will get through it like the last one. I guess what makes mine esp. painful is because I honestly believe this guy is a catch and I drove him to away with my insecurities and personal issues. I feel great regret…at how things might’ve turned out if I just made myself more loving than smothering.:( Oh well, that’s life for you. You have to learn with every single bad experience and hopefully you become a better person for it. I know I have lots of issues to fix before I could truly love someone again but this is I think the greatest life lesson if anything so far for me…it hurts so bad you literally just want to sleep forever.
Thank you so much for this btw. You have thoroughly expressed what it’s like to lose a part of you to someone. It’s as if they have taken your soul with them and you just have to have them back in your life no matter which way you’re going to do that but if you do, you feel you’ll live again.
i love YOU. this helped so much
thank you
i never wanted to be that guy, at least there is that
but i guess i waited for her to break my heart
this is too sweet
and so true.
I’m in love with a girl who I can’t be with because of distance. Two days ago she decided that it was getting too hard and she began dating a guy she says she likes. We’re still in love, but for how long? It feels so weird just being distanced friends… but who are in love with each other, especially knowing she’s holding and laughing with some other guy. We had all these plans that it would all work out in the end when we could finally be together, but I guess it’s true that nothing’s perfect. I don’t know what to do. I know if I try to let her go, I’ll be an emotional wreck for what will feel like forever, and it might be for the best, but it’s so hard to just discontinue communication. In the past two nights, I’ve gotten maybe seven hours of sleep. It hurts so much. :’( Yeah… Happens to guys too.
I am literally on day 3 since my breakup with my year and a half relationship. This article hit me so hard and was written so perfectly, I laughed/cried hysterically. Thanks to who wrote this, it oddly brought me so much comfort and relief knowing one day, I’ll be happy again.
I love reading everyones stories. It has been three months since I posted my break up story on here. Today, months later I am still hurting but I am making it through each day easier. I heard this quote ” When someone shows you who they are believe them, the first time.” I’m trying to see that person I love for who he really is, not the fantasy version of him that I made up in my head. Every night when I go to sleep I try to rid my self of a little bit of my love for him. I think its working…
boyfriend broke up with me over facebook. broke out in tears. first break up. never felt heartbreak before. typed in how to deal with heartbreak. found blog. read. laughed. cried a little more. laughed a lot more. noticed the name of blog. smirked to self since my name is nicole. stated counting stars. stopped crying……………then found out that vaginas are mentioned quite often and became a big fan.
I am too old for this. At 33, i thought I would have a better handle on my emotions and who I gave my love to. I believed this man to be sweet, kind, generous, but in the end, I found myself giving to him in the way that I wanted to be treated and respected without return. I did the same thing- we broke up and after a few months, I asked for friends with benefits. At the time, I was dating someone long-distance and now I see that I threw that in his face, he was there through the short-lived affair and never let go of the resentment. I didn’t even know that he was angry, since he was the one who broke up with me. But 5 months later, I finally confessed that I still loved him and he told me that he loved me but that he needs to go sow his oats with other women. I had to break it off and he is quite pleased with himself. He got his revenge. He broke my heart again, but I cannot blame anyone but myself. Still, I have already lost a few pounds in just a few days and can’t see how the sun will ever shine on my heart again.
I fell hard for someone I know, but they’ve been in a relationship for a while now… this person I fell for has been in love with someone else for 7 years. We hooked up once, and all they wanted was that. Just a hook up. But I caught feelings and everything went downhill. I still feel used, I still see this person daily, if not, every second day. I have to bottle up the way I feel and it feels great to write it down here. I honestly cannot see myself being with someone else, and I love everything about this person. I think about him all day but mostly how he told me the other day, when I finally got the guts to tell him a bit about how I’m feeling, that ‘his heart belongs to’ this other person. He told me he likes me too but he’s in love with someone else. He said he would be in a relationship with me. But he’s not available, and plans on being with this other someone for the ‘rest of his life’. I can’t stop crying at work, or at home, or with friends, it’s almost as if I can’t help but bawl, anywhere and everywhere. I’ve considered suicide and also I resorted to heavy drinking and marijuana smoking to forget about him (he drinks and smokes weed aswell.) but honestly, when i sober up, he fills my mind again. I don’t expect my problem to disappear after posting this but I already feel better knowing this is being read. And as for the post – amazing! Thanks.
Hey that is not fair – i know this is a chicks site…but we guys suffer too. I was dumped so its in reversal. Its been over 7 weeks now and still kills me. Especially when aafter a week we broke up she sent me an email saying she met someone and she is really happy as he is “the one”. Oucch that hurt even more! Can anyone help.!?
i completely know what that feels like. 110%. mine had less airplanes but just as much sneaking around to talk to him/ cry WITH him about breaking up/ sleep with him. ridiculous. never ever ever ever again will i do that to myself. ever. worst part? we’re from a VERY small town. people STILL encourage us to get back together as if we weren’t the most dysfunctional couple on the face of the earth. and i still see him. mostly at basketball games (our little brothers are on the same team) and driving on the road, we live in the same area of town.. and work in the same (but totally different from where we live) area of town. it took me over a year to finally get over our 3 year relationship. some days i still have the “what the fuck am i doing? why did i give up so easily” moments.. and then i realize.. i didn’t give up easily. i tried and tried and tried and tried until i absolutely could not try anymore. but you know what? i’m happy again. happier now than i ever thought i could be again. it took a while.. 1 year and 4 months? but i’m happy. and i hope your friend (and you) will be too.
p.s. i also threw myself a party when i didn’t talk to him for 60 days. literally.. a party!! haha.
Ugh, this rang all too true. I am on day 3 and I haven’t slept, cannot eat a thing, and just want to sleep for the next 6 months and wake up and have all of this pain over with.
It’s been nearly 3 months since I posted the story about my long-distance breakup on here, and I can honestly say that it’s been getting slowly better. I still have mood swings beyond my control and tend to suddenly break out in tears, but deep inside I know that I was lied to and I don’t deserve her anyway. She texted me out of nowhere 2 nights ago confessing how much she loves and misses me, but I decided it was probably best to ignore her, the way she ignored me when she promised to be there for me; all of this despite how much I still do truly love and miss her. But I hate her, too. I’ll be seeing her in roughly 3 weeks when I go to visit her brother, who I’ve been friends with since before I even knew of her existence (Ah, good times… Lol). That should be both a fun and painful experience… Life’s rough.
When your heart is broken, your soul is shattered. I’m still at the point where I do not find pleasure in anything I do. And it’s been four days, more like an eternity since my life took this wild turn. People keep saying time is the best healer but at times, you feel like your pain gets worse as the days go by. Seeing that he seems to be fine only drags me further down. I can’t wait for that day when I wake up and I find that tiny bit of happiness in my life again, one that has nothing to do with him. I dedicated myself to him and now I feel empty. Just enough tears to fill out the sea. Though I try to remain positive, this pain is almost unbearable. I can barely feel my heart beat..almost as if it’s dying out.
I read this months ago and laughed my ass off. Now im not laughing and created a dumb star book to attempt to stay sain!! RIDIC!!!
I think the hardest part is when you can’t move on and they do. My ex casually threw into a conversation (after I stupidily agreed to meet for coffee) that she’s “dating” i.e sleeping with other people. I was crushed. I don’t want anyone else, and she seemed to take pleasure from telling me. And then, the next night, I got drunk and called her and she was so cool and calm and I was left weeping like a child. The thought of her with someone else slices my soul. There’s a great line in a Crowded House song “It would cause me pain if we were to end this. But I will start again, you can depend on it”. And by god, this is killing me, but I will survive!!
This helped me the most, since my breakup was just last night and its the most realistic thing Ive ever read. Thank you so much!!
My boyfriend just broke up with me last night, and its just terrible. This blog post made me realize I’m not alone. I’ll get over it. Eventually.
So I hadn’t ever actually read this before, because I’m too lazy to go back through your old blogs because I’m a bad blog reader and I have short attention spans and the excuses continue.
ANYWAY. I did read it since someone just mentioned it in your comments from yesterday’s post. I just totally tried to type “yesterday” as “yester’day.” True story.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who felt this. I mean, not because I’m glad ANYONE has to feel this, because it sucks a lot, but I’m glad I’m not just a psycho, and that other people react the same way. Validation, you know.
it’s been three weeks…feeling all of the above…this helps with all the confusion…thank you for this…but the sun did shine today, and this made me smile…
45 stars
This post is absolutely hilarious!! It’s the first laugh I’ve had in two weeks!! Very well put! I’m going through every one of those emotions. Unfortunately, he didn’t even break up officially, but the no call backs and the fact he hasn’t reached out in days makes it pretty clear…I’ve been kicked to the curb. I hate the fact that I don’t even have closure so at some point he may call. I feel like a damn fool jumping every time the phone rings. I’m like a puppet on a string.
I feel so foolish. I can’t cry another single tear. I can’t sleep either. Booze and food have been my bff’s. I know the best revenge is looking great, so I’m working on that part as of tomorrow! I’m going to get a bunch of stars, too. Thank you for sharing an incredible entry! You hit it right on the head.
yea,i am 11 years old. i just lost my girl ashely, and i don’t know how to deal with it, advice?
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