Until about two weeks ago I was one of those incredibly stupid asshats who thought backing up a computer wasn’t worth the trouble because computer related catastrophes only happen to other people.
If you’re sitting there thinking, “oh, my computer is fine/brand new/insert-your-favorite-horseshit-excuse-here,” let me interject and tell you that 1) you’re WRONG, and 2) you’re a cocky motherfucker who is going to wind up home on a Friday night, face to face with a computer screen that refuses to do anything other than flash you the image of a folder icon with a big, fat infuriating question mark in the middle of it.
At the Apple store (on my second trip in just as many weeks) I asked the girl, “what causes a hard drive to crash?” and she looked at me like I had just inquired if, hypothetically, she thought God gave good blow jobs, before responding with the ever-so-comforting, “it just happens.”
The good news is that prior to bringing my MacBook in that first time, I finally sprouted a few brain cells and purchased an external hard drive. The bad news is that I only used said external hard drive once (BECAUSE I’M STUPID, COCKY, AND A VERY SLOW LEARNER), and everything I’ve done in the last two weeks has since disappeared to wherever the hell it is deleted electronic shit disappears to.
So I spent three entire days without my laptop (AGAIN), and realized more clearly the lessons that the universe was trying to teach me the first time around, namely that I need to get the fuck off the computer every now and then. Otherwise, when I finally go out to play with the three dimensional people they’ll be all, “why do you keep saying ‘@’ before my name?” and I’ll be like, “I DON’T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU WITHOUT YOUR GRAVATAR.”
Speaking of which, this weekend my grandpa nonchalantly asked me what the hell Twitter is, a clear sign that the Twitter People can rest easy, knowing that they’ve successfully permeated every single corner of the known universe and are now free to take a bow, a shot, and a much needed nap.
Coincidentally, these are the same three things I’ll need after I spend the rest of the night transferring eleventy thousand files back onto my new hard drive. Good thing there seems to be an unlimited supply of Apricot Ceylon iced tea at this Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, also known as MY OFFICE- yet another indicator that The Coffee Bean should seriously consider sponsoring my life.
I mean, wouldn’t that be incredible? To have the company of your choice sponsor your entire life? Of course, if we’re playing the game of “no seriously, pick any company and they’ll sponsor your entire life,” I feel like I should pick Target to ensure that literally everything I ever want is covered, but no, I’m still picking The Coffee Bean.
Because for unlimited iced tea and the chance to visit every single one of their tea farms and become a world famous tea expert (SHUT UP, IT’S MY SPONSORSHIP FANTASY AND I PICK THE TERMS), I’d sure as hell figure out a way to make my entire fucking wardrobe out of tea leaves from now on.
Posted in: day to day shenanigans
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
This is my biggest nightmare…yet I still don't backup! I'm a bad, bad blogger!
Ok, I don't know what to say except I LOVE YOU, and that I am SO excited that in JUST OVER ONE WEEK you jump out of your gravatar and onto my living room floor, glass of champagne in one hand, apple dipped in baked brie in the other and plots for world domination scattered all over the floor. {face licks}
Oh god. I don't back up my hardrive and this post is scaring me… I'm going to pretend I didn't read this now. Kidding. I will look into backing up my hardrive, tomorrow…
Sorry you had to deal with that more than once, it's definitely not fun.
Now, I'm seriously considering who I would want to sponsor my life, because that's a tough one…
Sista, my MacBook hard drive–on three different laptops, mind you–has crashed FOUR times in the two years I've owned a Mac. These people who spout off bold claims that Macs are indestructible are FILTHY LIARS.
Wow, great minds. I was thinking, "Target would be most practical," right before I got to the place where you said exactly that. I think I'd choose Ulta, though.
I want to play! I would pick Oprah.
Yeah, I thought about picking Oprah because it might result in me owning a pet whale and all the citizens of Spain, but then I realized I have no idea what the hell to feed a whale and my Spanish doesn't extend too much farther than asking for the nearest restroom.
I am one of those cocky assholes…and I think it cannot happen bc I have a Mac. Time to rethink that.
I'm guessing the tea leaf clothing would be best washed in cold water?
The god giving a blowjob part brought a tear to my eye. Are we soulmates?
I think so.
I backed up my computer for the first time in FOUR YEARS this past weekend and after knowing that all of my old university pictures, design work, websites, and four years of pictures I've also never had printed were safe?
I was honestly washed over with relief.
If the tea keeps giving us posts like this PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF KITTENS AND ORGASMS KEEP DRINKING IT.
That is all.
Oh, and FYI, word on the street is HE gives awesome blow jobs.
Dude, I would totally love the Target sponsorship! Also, I currently own 2 external hard-drives and I STILL don't back up. I'm pretty sure that means my computer will be exploding any day now, right?
You are hilarious. With that said, I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this for the second time. You should totally kick your mac in it's crap lousy face and tell it I said not to do that to you ever again.
I hate to be the one to tell you this…but not backing up a computer is what causes them to crash unexpectedly. Duh. (And that "duh" was said in the most lovingly way possible, I swear.)
I love my time machine, backing up that you don't have to think about. And iDisk, backing up to space and being able to get files from anywhere. But my best trick: I email everything important to myself.
The thing with hard drives is that the moving parts are shockingly close together; the classic analogy that gets over used to death is that they are like a 747 flying 6 inches above the ground. We're talking nano-meters; that's why they can tank some times–it makes me amazed when I think about it too much that they ever work at all!
Great, now I'm going to have nightmares about a 747 flying by me 6 inches off the ground- haha!
I'm delurking here because I absolutely love this blog and it makes me laugh out loud. Seriously out loud and sometimes I read parts of your posts to my coworker. Please never ever stop writing because I would then be forced to find something else to make me laugh. Though don't get me wrong. I hate that you're going through this but you always seem to make a real shitty situation funny.
Thanks!
Courtney! You're so, so sweet to take the time to leave me this kind comment. Seriously, this, YOU, it's why I blog.
What! Why didn't the chick at the damn Apple store know this??
You would really think they would have a more technical explanation for a hard drive crashing than "it just happens". Sooo reassuring isn't it???
Oooh external hard drive. I should do that.
yet another reason that cali > jersey… WE DONT HAVE A COFFEE BEAN HERE. what the hell.
i had to explain twitter to a drunken irishman at the bar the other night because he caught me tweeting about my screwed up drink. he didn't get it and didn't understand the fuss.
also? i don't even know HOW to back my computer up. there, i said it.
yargh…i'm a total non backer upper of stuff and one of these days i'm going to lose it all. is it sad that i know that its inevitable and yet i can't be bothered to back stuff up? is it even sadder that what i'll miss most are the papers and stories i wrote in like, high school?
We got an external hard drive that we can connect all of our computers to wirelessly. It is awesome and means that there is no transferring requires. And the hard drive itself has a mirrored backup drive, because we are paranoid like that.
you'd obviously be the cutest little gem in a wardrobe of tea leaves.
it would match your long, bohemian hairstyle that i clearly think you should go for.
Hmm I feel like a tea leaf wardrobe would be very appropriate for Earth Day…but what would happen when it rained?
Sucks about the hard drive, seriously. I have an external one too, and I'm definitely guilty of never backing it up. I actually keep it in a ziplock bag in my closet because last winter, a pipe burst in my parent's living room over my sister's macbook and completely fried it. So in the mess of my mind, keeping it in a bag in the closet (away from pipes) makes sense, but I always forget about it back there.
oh man if it makes you feel any better, the day after i got my external hardrive in college my computer got electrocuted. luckily i had switched most of my stuff over but i was still pretty devastated and will forever love my hardrive, haha.
Thankfully, I am married to a computer genius who thinks about backing up hard-drives & such. If not though, I would be in the same boat as you. We've had SO many damn problems with our computer lately, though… so another "scary computer meltdown moment" is likely to be around the corner.
All of this made me LOL by the way. More than likely, when I see everyone at the meet-up, I'm going to be like, "You're nicoleisbetter.com, right? Oh, well I'm apricot-tea.com! Do you know when yourwishcake.com is coming?" =] =]
yikes that makes me wanna backup my hard drive too! lol but like you i always think "it will happen to other people." lol
Target would be my choice of sponsorship.
Sigh…I really need to back up my computer. Just like I really need to clean the toilets in our house. Too bad those will never happen.