So I got home from camp one day last week and I was so fucking tired that I almost threw myself a coronation when I successfully made it from my car to the front door without face planting and falling into a coma.
I tried to take a nap, or to go to sleep for the night at like 5pm, but it wasn’t the regular kind of tired- it was like I had gone SO FAR beyond regular tired that I couldn’t even blink properly, and yet there I was, trying to make boxed mac & cheese, watching water boil with my eyes crossed and being all, “THIS IS DEFINITELY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE HIGH ON LSD WHILE RUNNING NAKED THROUGH A FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS IN AN ELECTRICAL STORM.”
So the water boiled, and I cooked the pasta, and when it was ready I drained it and dumped in the little cheese packet and went to the fridge and realized that I had neither butter nor milk, considered using water, decided that water is boring, looked over at the tequila and thought, “fuck yes.”
So I added a little tequila, and then a little water (because boring water is okay when you’re adding it ON TOP OF TEQUILA), and then I mixed it all, and ate it, and it tasted exactly like you think boxed mac & cheese with tequila would taste- like childhood corrupted by loose hookers.
And then at 11:13am this morning, I was standing in my bathroom wondering exactly how early is too early for a glass of wine when I had the brilliant fucking idea to make sangria- because wine with fruit makes me less of an alcoholic and more of a nutritionist, except the only fruit I had was a single green apple, but I was all “whatever man!” and cut it up anyway. And I didn’t have any ice, so I just poured the wine into a big cup, added the apple, and let it sit in the fridge for a few hours while I napped.
Now, fresh from my glorious nap, I’m writing this post and drinking the fake sangria while standing up in the middle of my apartment with my laptop on a swivel table, wearing a black tank top, a thong, pink and red knee socks, and big dark sunglasses. Because in my world, it’s totally appropriate to wear sunglasses indoors, as long as you’re significantly tipsy on alcohol-infused fruit and you aren’t wearing any pants.
Posted in: day to day shenanigans
{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
This is just rife with the awesome.
This officially made me so excited for our road trip and then subsequent indefiniteness of hanging outness.
Not because of tequila-infused mac & cheese. Nor is it because you sound like you make some seriously amazing impromptu green applegria (I made that up, it's catchy).
But, mainly because of the…
…big sunglasses.
You totally thought I was going to say because of your thong, huh? Psh.
Don't lie. You're so turned on by my thong you can't even handle yourself.
I'm that transparent, aren't I?
If I had a vagina, I'd be you.
I love it. LOVE IT.
and i thought my life was interesting….
i once had no milk for mac-n-cheese and used water. just not the same….
I fucking miss you.
There is no such thing as Fake Sangria. Booze is Booze and its ALL GOOD.
ur awesome
This was fucking fantastic. And I was SO craving sangria this weekend so I made some superbly bad fake sangria…complete with stale wine, apple schnapps (you heard me) and a lime that didn't have any juice in it. Horrendous. But it totally did the trick!
Haha, you need to come over IMMEDIATELY. Bring the apple schnapps, I'll find us some juicy limes.
This post rocks. Tequila in Mac'n Cheese? I have to try it.
ha ha ha. awesome….
Mac n' cheese and tequila is a concept so disgusting I can't even fathom eating it after infinite bong rips and the subsequent onset of intense munchies. However, I do support lounging around the house in ridiculous outfits, since I sort of do this on the regular.
Hahaha, brilliant. I love that you substituted milk + butter with tequila, and that apple + wine is magically sangria – you're point of view is AWESOME! Brilliant
Ah. Life in the twenties. This is nothing like when I was a kid and wanted that powdered chocolate crap in milk, but didn't have any milk, so used water instead. That's boring–you're not!
Everything is better sans pants.
It's always noon somewhere….
lol You're perfect lady, don't change a thing.
HAHA. Seriously, when do we finally get to meet? Tequila-infused mac & cheese? Sangria (minus, well, almost all of the vital ingredients besides wine)? I can get on board!
Hahahaha, you are a fucking riot! I love it.
I have a little story for you. It goes something like this:
You. Are. Effing. Awesome.
End of story.
I'm currently pondering how early is too early for tequila and if my boss would notice if i drank a bottle?
Tequila & mac & cheese? You were truly hard-up. ;]
& again, thanks for having us other on Saturday. It was great to see you again. <3
Wow.
And this is why you rock.
I believe that it is never too early to start drinking as long as you are drinking something with fruit in it.
Obviously your world of tequila mac & cheese, fake sangria and pink and red knee socks is perfect. Adore you.
I was going to say when I grow up I want to be you, but I'm older than you so that doesn't work. How about, if I was coming back in a new life, I would give all the money I had to whoever was in charge to ensure that I got to come back to be you.
Tequila in anything is delicious. Let's be best friends forever.
we totally should have had tequilla mac and cheese on saturday instead, maybe next time, haha.
I heart you so much!
dude mac and cheese with vodka? GENIUS. you are a genius
Ummm, hi. I don't know that I've ever introduced myself, but you FUCKING CRACK ME UP. That is all.
I see no reason to wear pants if you don't have to. Also, apples are so good for you, so coupled with wine, your sangria has plenty of antioxidants. It's probably nutritionally better than toast and jam. No?
please be my bff.
LITERALLY laughing out loud, lady.
heart you.
I waited a day to comment and now everyone has said what I was thinking of saying but couldn't put into words!…except that you could market this type of cuisine…we could call it "Nicole's guerilla cooking with tequila". I want halfsies on the profits!
Wow. Color me impressed with the tequila in the mac and cheese. And the faux-sangria. Though it sounds kinda good right now…
I can't decide if I want you to be my best friend or if I actually want to BE you. HA
Tequila and mac n' cheese…I never even thought of this concoction in college. Points to you for that one!
Um, awesome. Also, sangria is deceptive with its fruity goodness and next thing you know you drank the whole bottle. Or two.
You are fucking brilliant. One of the things I miss most about SoCal is that everyone here looks at me like like I'm a fucking psycho when I wear sunglasses in the produce aisle.
I think you're the gutsy girl i WANT to be…wish i were. Hope you had on some killer heels!!!
You are crazy.
I like it.
SIGH. I miss you.
Omigod. The thought of you drinking your sangria in your thong and sunglasses is a great visual. By the way, as long as it includes wine and fruit, a beverage count as sangria.
"like childhood corrupted by loose hookers."
The story of my life.
You are my hero.
I think I just turned lesbian for you. Congratulations.
OMG.
We are the same person. For reals. Scary.
Oh god. Is it sad that I actually want to try tequila with mac and cheese now?? This post is fab.