So my parents were in town last week. For five days. Which was wonderful because they’re my parents and I love them and it was my birthday, but there’s also the slight matter of them being MY PARENTS and the fact that they stayed in my tiny apartment for FIVE DAYS. Which is to say that I didn’t sleep for FIVE DAYS because of the three of us, I’m the insomniac, my father is the snorer, and my mother- well my mother fucking yells in her sleep.
Yes, my life is just as wildly fun as it seems- I promise.
Also fun are the things I learned over the weekend. Like the fact that my father refuses to get a hearing aid because “really, everyone should just sit on his good side and talk at a higher volume.” And the small, not-at-all-life-shattering fact that my mother isn’t sure if she believes in evolution.
The topic came up out of nowhere. She and I were on the drive back from San Diego, having just spent the day celebrating my grandpa’s 87th birthday, and we were talking about potatoes of all things and she mentions, casually, that she’s rather on the fence about evolution and that I shouldn’t even get her started on the creation of the planet earth. To which I replied, “um, what the fuck did you just say?” And she was all, “watch your fucking mouth” and I was like “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION?” And she was all, “I just like my version better.” And I dared to ask, “your version?” And she’s like, “you know, with God, and the Flintstones.”
Which, naturally, is when I started faking grand mal seizures, yelling that “YOU CAN’T COMPARE SCIENCE TO THE FLINTSTONES” and she’s all, “I’m trying to teach you about Adam and Eve!” And I’m like, “YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ME TO TEAR MY FACE OFF AND THROW MYSELF OUT OF THIS FUCKING CAR .” And she goes, “listen young lady, I’m just too pretty to have descended from an ape.”
Posted in: day to day shenanigans, i heart my crazy mother
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
The last line is classic.
I suppose she has a point though or maybe our ancestors were just that ugly! =)
hahaha, if she isn't your mother, i don't know who is! you two are gold, think about a tv show, haha
your mom sounds hilarious.
LOL Oh my god, I would pay to have been there.
I kinda wanna hang out with your mom.
Grand Mal Seizures ruin every moment.
Okay, your mom sounds awesome. The Flintstones?! HILARIOUS.
My grandmother doesn't believe in evolution and it makes me want to tear my hair out.
Also, your mom is hilarious.
I can't fucking wait to meet your mother.
haha long car rides with parents are hilarious. 3 series bmw's are too damn small for 4 people and an 8 hr drive to Napa Valley. I learned that the hard way with my parents and hubby last weekend!
My god. Your family is straight out of a Friends episode. Seriously.
Hahaha! Your mother sure makes a classy argument for creationism.
I've long since given up on trying to change my parents' opinion on things like this.
Ooooh mom…
seriously? i want to hang out with your mother. you spending time with her makes my life SO MUCH MORE FUN.
This story never gets old.
Her version. With God and the Flintstones. That's absolutely fantastic!
This has made my list of all time greatest posts ever in the history of the internet. Not just the list of 'all time favourite nicole posts' (though i do have so many favourites) but of all time. Your mom? Hilarious. You? One of my favourites.
Ya, well I'm too pretty to have descended from Fred Flinstone.
hahaha your mom sounds awesome.
I didn't believe in evolution IN FIFTH GRADE. That was a while ago. But now, now I don't care. I actually hope it was like the Flintstones. Those crazies seemed to have fun!
Do ya ever feel like it's reached a tipping point and now we're raising our parents?
That's probably a typical twenty-something thing to say, but when your mother asks you if she can Experion with her Social Security number, you have to wonder where the wisdom is at.
Um, that is hysterical. I love that last line. It totally makes up for believing in the Flinstones.
Do not tell her there's a Creation Museum here in DC… and that they have a triceratops with a saddle on its back because, duh, people used to ride on them.
I think a lot of people who don't believe in evolution just don't understand the concepts behind it.
I'm crying laughing. Your mom is awesome. Yellling at assholes in her sleep and the Flinstones as proof of Adam and Eve. Fucking. Amazing.
I love this post because I just went through this with my dad. We were together in Boston, just us, for five days. I love him so much but NEEDED MY OWN TIME.
Too great–she sounds like a riot. Does she read your blog?
Your mom is nuts, but I CANNOT ARGUE WITH HER LOGIC RIGHT NOW.
(note: yay darwin!)
Hahaha, sounds like a crazy crazy week! Loved the last line, that's awesome
i started laughing uncontrollably at "flintstones" and haven't stopped since. oh my lord.
I love your mom! "I'm too pretty to have descended from an ape" is priceless!!!
Also, I don't think the creation theories surrounding God and the Flintstones are actually related
Not gonna lie: I love her last line.
My mother likes to pepper in lines like that, as well. You know, just for fun.
The Flintstones??? That's quite a theory.
Now that I’ve actually spoken to her, I can 100% hear your mother saying “listen young lady, I’m just too pretty to have descended from an ape.”