So I thought about it, and I realized that seriously, seriously, I’ve eaten macaroni and cheese almost every single day for the past two weeks.
I tell people it’s because I’m on a legitimate journalistic quest to find the country’s best, which is maybe a little bit true, but I’m also pretty sure that that’s just a way to mask the fact that I’m not eating enough fruits or vegetables or anything else that isn’t entirely covered in cheese sauce and fat and yes I know I probably already have scurvy and am on my way to a life of horrible malnutrition but I’m just not sure that I care in the slightest because mac and cheese > every other food so shut the fuck up.
The best I’ve had recently (mac & cheese, that is) was late on Halloween night, reheated from a place called Bussaco and just perfect- a crisp top, loaded with ziti and bacon and cheese underneath.
I ate it at about 2:30am, thinking that if I would have had it only an hour earlier, it wouldn’t have counted. Because 1am-2am doesn’t count on the day you turn the clocks back, or at least that’s how we used to do it in college.
Every year, my friends and I would get together for a Daylight Savings Time party. Or, more accurately, an excuse-to-be-ridiculous-because-whatever-you-do-for-this-one-hour-totally-doesn’t-count-and-won’t-ever-be-talked-about-again-because-time-change-means-we-make-up-our-own-rules-and-we’re-in-college-so-it’s-morally-acceptable-because-we’re-fake-adults-and-the-clock-gets-set-back-and-you-get-a-redo party!
Things never got as crazy as they could have, a stolen kiss here, a dance on the bar for free shots there, but for the most part I think we were just drunk on the fantasy of an immediate second chance. The oh so coveted “hehe, just kidding!” that gave you the freedom to try something you wouldn’t normally do by eliminating the fear of regret.
But what’s so bad about regret, anyway? I’m fond of saying things like “I live a life of no regrets!” But really? That’s not true. I could fill a journal with the things I wish I would have said and done differently, the things I’d like to kick myself in the mouth for not trying when they were close enough to reach out and grab.
So I don’t think it’s about not having regrets, because that’s as impossible as being fearless. I think it’s about not letting the feeling of regret control your life, not letting yourself walk smack into a pole because your head is turned behind you, staring at the things that could have been.
Because we only get one life, and we can only make one choice at a time, live one reality at a time, follow one path at a time, and even if we’re making great choices and are more or less in love with our current reality, our life will always be surrounded by paths not taken. And we better start feeling okay with that, because the bigger our dreams and the better our lives, the shinier the opportunities we’re turning down will be. Which, really, is a pretty stellar thing, don’t you think?
Posted in: day to day shenanigans, girl gone nomad, quarter life crisis
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
I HEART YOU!!! Like really.. and I am SO coming to your book signing..
Right on!
I had an eating disorder for years…and part of my therapy was discovering that it doesn't matter what time of day you eat because your metabolism is working all the time…intuitive eating, its amazing.
But I still laugh at the "loss of hour" canceling out…haha. xo
I absolutely love the idea of a "re-do hour." I can't believe I never thought of that… I've missed out on so many non-regrets that I should regret.
I love how this goes from Mac and cheese (agreeably the best food EVER and i miss it dearly. Apparently Spain doesnt do Mac and Cheese…) to daylight savings parties and paths taken and not taken. I relate very well to that, while I LOVE whats going on in my life right now I often wonder what would have happened if i had done that instead of this….
Now I want mac and cheese for breakfast.
mmmmmac and cheese is my weakness.
your last paragraph might just be something ill print and post in my office to read daily.
You're such an inspiration, lady! You continually manage to hit the nail right on the head in a relatable and heartfelt way.
It's so funny how we find comfort- I love that you're out there living on the ledge & keep finding your way – even a little mysteriously – to the ultimate childhood comfort food.
I love your commentary on regret. You just have to know and trust yourself- and then go where your heart tells you and learn when you mis-step. As long as I'm always learning learning from my choices then there's nothing really to regret.
I would never regret mac and cheese for two weeks straight. On a more serious note, regret is something I’ve been talking about this week and I really needed to read your last paragraph.
I literally DID have leftover macaroni and cheese for breakfast. Cold… my favorite way. I love that you're on a quest to find the perfect dish! But I'm pretty sure anything eaten after drinking at 2 am trumps anything eaten during normal, sober hours!
This makes me feel like we should get mac and cheese this weekend.
For scientific purposes, of course.
That said, if you ever go back to NYC S'Mac is a all mac and cheese place and it's AMAZING. I crave it weekly.
Um. We totally failed at getting mac & cheese in DC this weekend. Suck.
The re-do party sounds like the best idea I've ever heard.
Except for daily mac 'n cheese. That sounds better.
Hey Nicole, In theory, having no regrets makes sense especially if you are living an amazingly exciting life, which u are. I see it this way, if I would have done one little thing different, I wouldn’t be living the awesome life I am now. In this way, looking at my past is like watching a highlight reel…I seem to have misplaced all my blooper footage
I totally agree – all you can expect from yourself is to do your best and make the best decisions possible.
In your search for the best mac & cheese – when you make your way to DC my mom's recipe for baked mac & cheese just might change your life.
Oh, I love this. But I'm so gonna blow my diet now.
when you come to DC, there's a little place in the U Street Corridor (Maxie will know where that is), called Oohs and Aahs. More of a takeout place, but best M&C ever.
I love you! I know you probably hear that about 10,000 times a day, but really? I do love you. You say things that make sense to me and make me want to go out and dance on a bar. Why? I have no effing clue, but if we are ever in the same place at the same time again you can count on me to dance with you in an obscure place.
As for the time change party? BEST IDEA EVER! It's like that saying "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." I need to get on that next time.
Oh! and I now eat cheese several times a week and I'm known around here as the girl that loves cheese. BTW… I bought some Stilton with apricots from Trader Joes and OMG soooo good.
My cheese-a-holic heart is SO PROUD OF YOU! Woot!
"the bigger our dreams and the better our lives, the shinier the opportunities we’re turning down will be"
I always felt that looking back with regret was helpful only to keep moving foward, but your statement from above puts things in a better perspective. Maybe that's my new mantra now. Keep shining, sunshine!
You've been on a roll lately with your posts….they seem to really cut down to what matters.
You said it best on the last paragraph. We do make mistake but it's best to learn from it, live to the fullest and not kicking yourself everytime you do something wrong..
ps. I love mac n cheese!
The only defined "regret" I've ever had was forgoing an opportunity to study abroad on the hopes that a relationship at home would work out the way I wanted? The beauty of it, is that the decision NOT to leave the country when I did led me to the most amazing group of friends here in my city, and has left me hungrier than ever for the opportunity to do the world, when the timing's right.
The timing wasn't right in 2003. It sure as hell is in 2009, that relationship completely in tact and healthy and in a different place than I expected it to be, my Minneapolis friends my biggest support group, and the world? At my fucking fingertips, baby.
Except, know what I want more than anything right now? Mac and cheese. Thank you for that.
I wish I got a re-do hour and I'd definitely host a re-do hour party!
I was in a major regret-spiral on Saturday, and it's been haunting me ever since. Sometimes I just get totally overwhelmed by how we can't ever go backwards, not even if we actually stoke up the courage to try. Because here's the truth: even if you get that magical chance to have a "re-do," nothing ever changes the past. I value my regret, though…it gives me something akin to hope, but more heartbreaking, more beautiful.
Love this post. And you. Apartment seems too big (for once!!) without you in it <3
Yay for mac and cheese! If you want to eat it every day, then don't make up a reason about veggies or whatever. It's mac and cheese, it's AWESOME! It doesn't need a reason
um now i want mac and cheese. and i was doing so well holding back.
Well said. Regrets are part of life. We learn from mistakes, so it's only natural to think how we would have done things differently.
PS – I make a mean mac and cheese. YUM!
I heart mac n cheese.
One of the best comfort foods on the planet (maybe 2nd to ice cream). 
Dayne
TheHappySelf.com
Nicole, my dear, I am so glad I finally got to meet you! You are even funnier, prettier, sparklier, and just all around more fabulous in person!
Nicole, Panera Bread has fantastic macaroni and cheese. It's new…and it might not be the best in the nation, but it is worth trying:)
Great post!
-Maureen
Your daylight savings party sounds like my philosophy at every college party I attended. I thought things didn't count because you were drunk, not because of the time change. Honestly, I don't recall being informed of time changes. I just remember being late. Not that kinda late. Babies are evil.
Next time you're in Chicago, stop by Wilde restaurant at 3130 N Broadway in the Lakeview neighborhood. It's a Irish bar/restaurant with the best mac and cheese I've had in my life. Like so good I about pee a little everytime I eat it. And we all know how awesome that feels!