When packing for Minnesota last week, I couldn’t believe how light I was traveling. “Look at me go,” I thought! “I’m going for four days and am only bringing this tiny bag! Simplicity FTW!” The secret to my success was only bringing one pair of pants (my favorite jeans), and a bunch of different tops. “Who cares if I wear the same jeans all weekend?” I thought, “they’re jeans! I’m so resourceful! I should be a professional packer! Look how tiny my bag is! Wee! Self-high-five!”
But of course, as is always the case with me, those should have been considered famous last words. Because Friday night, less than 24 hours into my trip, I bent down while getting dressed and my jeans ripped. Not just like, “oh, cute, there’s a hole in the knee.” More like, “I’m a vagina and there’s NO WAY I’m staying cooped up in this denim prison!! Woo hoo! Freedom! Shake it like a salt shaker!”
And just like that, I had myself a pair of virtually crotchless jeans.
So I did the best thing I could think of at the time: shrugged, tried to tuck the jeans into my underwear a little bit, failed, shrugged again, and went out anyway. Because I mean, what was the alternative? Not wearing pants? At least this way my inner thighs got to enjoy the gorgeous Minnesota breeze as much as I did.
(You’re welcome thighs.)
The other weekend highlight was finally getting my fourth tattoo. I’ve had a small circle on my right wrist for a few years, a circle that symbolizes the continuity of life, the power of cause and effect, and the fact that I really believe everything is connected. I added my favorite version of the infinity sign to it, one that doesn’t quite let the tips connect with each other, which just reinforces the overall meaning for me.
Doniree got the same symbol, which basically means she’s stuck being my friend for LIFE.
No? Too creepy?
Anyway, the entire weekend was incredible- the best I’ve had in a long, long time actually. On Sunday evening, I really wasn’t ready to head home, but the fact that I’m completely in love with the airport definitely helped. I know, I know, I’m a huge freak- who loves the airport? I DO! ME! THIS GIRL! It’s just so anonymous and full of possibility. I sat there, staring at the departures board and was all, “I could go to Argentina! Greece! Bali! Idaho!” And then I was like, “Wait what? Why the fuck would I want to go to Idaho?” Followed by, “MAYBE IDAHO IS THE BEST PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE AND OMG I WON’T KNOW UNTIL I JUST SACK UP AND GO EVERYWHERE.”
Which is when I realized I was standing in the middle of the airport, yelling at myself, while my vagina was playing peek-a-boo out of the bottom of my jeans. So, to reprioritize, clearly I’ll buy new jeans and then go to Idaho.
Posted in: day to day shenanigans
{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
You still haven't mentioned where you were in Minnesota! I'm glad you had fun.
Your ripped jeans / vagina monologue reminded me of a Dane Cook joke about bad teeth. Which sounds really weird now that I've written it, but it's a funny joke.
You guys got matching tattoos? You are definitely internet besties for life – way to raise the bar for bonding experiences though, nice work!
CLEARLY friends for life!
I miss you. I'm glad you and Minnesota got along so well – sharing adventures, tattoos and everything else, FTW! 
Your vagina says "Woo hoo!"?
Yours doesn't?
I love the meaning of your tattoos. Very beautiful. :]
You're amazing. I love you.
I'm glad your vagina was finally able to escape.
Ah hahaha best blog comment ever. Go Go Fugitive Vagina!
haha i love how you write. so funny about your jeans!!
and those are cool tattoos.. love the simplicity and meaning. i think i prefer black tattoos over color.
Love the tattoo! Very awesome, and such a great meaning behind it.
Crotchless jeans are in these days. My favorite pair has two holes in the crotch-region and I wear them anyway. Why? 'Cause nobody should be looking at my crotch anyway. And they're my fave. And I've had them for YEARS. And I refuse to buy a new pair.
oh i love the new tattoo, it's very cool.
and ummm i've had way too many crotchless jeans in the past. apparently my jeans like to rebel against me, it's pretty sad.
This is the best post EVER. I was cracking up! You had me at "self-high-five."
I love the airport as well! It shows the promise of a journey.
As much as I love Vagina Freedom, I have to thank you for reinforcing my obsessive need to overpack for everything.
god, i love the two of you.
I love that your vagina sings raps songs AND plays peekaboo. That made me laugh.
ive been considering a tattoo on my wrist for a while now. does it hurt there?
yours look great!
You would hate me at the airport. I just sit and cry the whole time.
I can now confirm that you talk exactly like you write. Which to me is a big compliment.
p.s.
Thanks again.
I LOVE the airport too – so many possibilities. My Dad what you were thinking once…came off the flight from Bali, went around the airport and took the next flight back out for another two weeks lol. I love the fact that you could go literally anywhere you wanted…pants or no pants
Wow, I probably would have used the ripped jeans as an immediate excuse to go shopping. As if I need legit excuses (sorry, wallet). Good work freeballing it all weekend though. And your new tattoo is awesome! Did it hurt?
I bet Idaho would like it better if you did it the other way around.
Sweet tats! I am itching to get another.
I'm a big fan of airports too… so many people going so many places, I love it. Also, I love your tattoos, but I don't imagine the inside of your wrists is the most pleasant place to get jabbed repeatedly. I guess I'm asking what everyone asks when they see a tattoo: Did it hurt?
Yeah, haha, it definitely hurt. But so, so worth it
We are wrist-tattoo twins. Although I have a Triquetra.
Also, normally I like to think I fucking hate airports because they're too crowded, and the lack of a shiny macbook to help me try to displace the odor of beef jerky wafting in my direction from the smelly asian man next to me presents a problem. But secretly I kind of love them too.
I heart you.
Like. A. Lot.
And I love your new tat too!! I am doing #4 with my sister…
I love airports, too! Mostly for the people watching – it's amazing!
I love everything about this post. The tats, the vag playing peek-a-boo, the airport being a portal for vast journeys ahead…oh yeah – and I almost peed myself I was laughing so hard. Epic post.
yep, been there done that! i wore a pair of jeans i'd had for over a year (by far the longest i've ever owned any item of clothing) for a week straight and ended up wearing out the butt so much so that they ripped in nice straight lines from the crotch seam, under the back pockets (booty shorts!) to the other seam on the outside of the leg. i guess i could have used them as assless chaps…
hahaha you crack me up! the tattoo sic! and airports? rock the casbah. such great shopping there, these days!
Tag you're it. Go check out my blog lovely lady.
HAHAHA, that is something that would happen to me! And I don't really like airports, but that could because I spend approximately 74% of my life in one.
Hahaha! That's hilarious! The tattoo looks great too.
Oh, and airports are the best. I'm a creepy people watcher though, so maybe it's not the best for your normal average non-creepy person. Hmm.. Who knows.
It sounds like you had such a great time! I can't wait to meet you both!!
Also, I do the very same thing in airports. Hmm…Caracas? Reykjavik? I'm game for going pretty much anywhere, and I am pretty sure we need to form a blogger travel coalition.
I love you love you love you. Who else would just nonchalantly tuck their jeans in their underwear and go on with things?
Also, those tatotos look pretty on your delicate wrist.
crotchless jeans….you could start a clothing line. there is a whole underground world of people who like fucking in public. with your jeans, imagine the possibilities.
I'm a huge airport/travel fan, as well, and it makes me happy that y'all got matching tattoos! SO awesome!
Less than a month 'till Vegas (and more traveling!) Woo!
Awesome tattoo.
hah Idaho… I live in Idaho, it's not bad. It's pretty in a farm-ish sort of way. But it's hot and quite dry. I used to hate living here now I'm starting to like it alot. Come visit Idaho! (hah I feel like one of those "Visit *insert state here* commercials")
I somehow ended up saying “crotchless jeans for the win” to my brother… Hmm… He asked what crotchless jeans are, so I had to google it. Which lead me to this awesome awesome AWESOME blog!
Hey, funny thing i was just looking for circle tattoo designs because i wanted to get a tattoo with a single circle on my wrist but everyone said that that is to simple so I wanted to look for something more “sofisticated” so on my search on google i found this blog. It’s very funny because I wanted to draw the circle in the same place that you have it
so I’m glad i’m not the only one 
thanks for making my day and maybe we-ll talk some more about tattoos
{ 3 trackbacks }