deliciously vulgar
From the category archives:
It’s not that I want to have sex while wearing a bumble bee costume. That’s not what I was saying. It’s just that I’m such a kind and thoughtful girlfriend that before adding the costume to the charity donation pile accumulating on my floor, I thought it best to see if insect sex was maybe [...]
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In the past week I’ve done so many Real Adult things that I’m not entirely sure I recognize myself anymore. First, I bought skincare products. Like actual super high quality spendy face stuff to replace whatever I was using from the drug store that made it so my skin couldn’t decide if it was oily [...]
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Whoever says money can’t buy happiness needs to order an inflatable swimming pool and 500 multi-colored ball pit balls and then get back to me. Nothing about this is practical. We have a fucking ball pit on our patio. But you know what? Practicality is overrated. You know what else? I think you should go [...]
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As part of my ever-growing collection of sex toys, I’m proud to announce that I now own one that looks like a bunny. Well, not an actual bunny. Not like with a cute little bunny face. I wouldn’t touch myself with a cute little bunny face. Or an ugly little bunny face. Or any little [...]
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In some cruel twist of sleepless fate, I’m an insomniac who’s also allergic to almost all sleeping pills. Ambien and the like make me vomit, and so the only pills I can safely take are those over-the-counter sleep aids which, strangely enough, don’t make me sleep as much as they make me totally fucking crazy. [...]
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