deliciously vulgar
From the category archives:
When I was packing up my car to move to San Francisco, my mother and I had a little incident regarding the white bowls.
The thing about the white bowls is that I absolutely fucking love them. They’re soup bowls, white with a little blue rim, and no one has a clue where they came from [...]
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It was the first thing on my to do list last Wednesday: pick up birth control refill. So I call the pharmacy and they’re all, “Oh, sorry, looks like you’re out of refills.” And I’m like, “Um, what? I just had my annual check up six months ago” and the pharmacist is all, “Just have [...]
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So we’re sitting at the table having Christmas brunch, right, and the phone rings and it’s this loud insane ring that sounds like somebody sped up that old Nokia default ringtone and added a few thousand bells in the background. And I’m like “the FUCK?” and my 80 year old aunt, who doesn’t look a [...]
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So let’s say you’re hanging out with my mom. And let’s say that maybe there’s wine. Except it’s way more than maybe because if you’re hanging out with my mom there’s definitely wine. So there’s wine. And my mom has had some of it. And you’re in the middle of a conversation about health care [...]
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My mother: I can’t believe you didn’t notice.
Me: What?
My mother: We got a new fridge while you were in San Francisco!
Me: That one? It looks exactly like the old one.
My mother: It’s a completely different refrigerator.
Me: Okay. But it looks the same.
My mother: There’s no shelf in the freezer! How did you not see that? [...]
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