At my day camp, all of the staff members ditch their real names for the summer and adopt a chosen “camp name.” During the application and interview process, I always caution new employees to CHOOSE THEIR FUCKING NAME CAREFULLY, because they’re going to be stuck with it for the entirety of their camp lives.
My nickname, Bubbles, is one that I picked on a whim- I think because I was chewing an enormous wad of bubblegum at the time, and although I like that it’s cute and spunky, there’s also the small issue of it sounding like I’m a dirty, dirty stripper who molests lollipops while wearing pigtails and turquoise nipple tassels.
The problem here, in addition to the fact that I actually do love lollipops and wear pigtails all the damn time (no comment on the nipple tassels), is that I often see campers outside of camp- at the grocery store, at dinner, at the mall, and they think it’s incredibly fun to yell “HEEYYYYY BUBBLES!!!” from really, ridiculously far away. Which is when unsuspecting strangers turn around and look at me with eyes that are all “that’s not an appropriate nickname when you work with kids,” and I’m like, “your FACE isn’t appropriate for kids.”
And on top of the rampant public screaming, my nickname also gets me chatted up by strangers while running errands after camp. My first mistake, clearly, was printing “Bubbles” on the back of my staff shirt, because I’ll be at Costco, buying $400 worth of chocolate syrup and whipped cream for Messy Games Day and some guy in line is all, “Sooo, Bubbles, that’s quite a lot of whipped cream for one person.” And I’m like, “IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?” And he’s all, “looks like it’ll be quite a party.” And I’m like, “get your mind out of the fucking gutter.” And he’s all, “you’re just missing the cherry on top.” And I’m like, “Okay, first of all? You’re in your mid-forties, STOP SHOPPING AT ABERCROMBIE. And secondly, don’t your kids go to my camp? So maybe you could stop being a sleazy mcdoucherson for like, six fucking seconds.”
{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Is there a way NOT to molest lollipops?
it's a shame that a name can have so many connotations all at once . . . for the record, I like "Bubbles" though!
But "Bubbles" is cute! I guess it all depends on what the other camp names are like.
Hooray for creepy middle-aged men D:
Oh Nicole. I love you.
there's nothing wrong with molesting lolipops
Oh man, this is awesome! Love it.
Dang, I just remembered Michael Jackson's pet monkey was named Bubbles. How topical! I wonder if Bubbles the monkey liked lollipops?
I was a camp counselor, and my name was Micro, a la Micro Machine because I'm short and apparently, energetic. Oh, and I do talk fast. Anyways, there's nothing like being away from camp and having someone scream that name.
Thankfully for me, mine doesn't have so many um, "meanings." Hee hee.
Stop Bubble Gun is ideal for the children’s party and produces much beautiful bubbles. Marilyn Stripper
I'm really waiting for the day that one of your posts does not have me laughing so hard it hurts. And hey, wasn't Bubbles one of the Powerpuff Girls?? Not quite as dirty when you recall that…
This dude was 40 and wearing shit from Abercrombie?
Come on, BROOO, you can't get ANY douchier than wearing A&F in your 20's, but in your 40's?
That's just so totally sad.
um, "your face isn't appropriate for kids" is TOTALLY going to be my new saying now.
thank you.
Sleazy mcdoucherson? I love it!
Aw…man! I wanna play at camp with lollipops and pigtails (wait a minute – my hair is too short) and cute nicknames too! Never mind the whole porn consortium. They're all just jealous you get to play with chocolate sauce.
Joys of being a teacher/camp counselor… I love running into students. Especially when I go to WalMart, just for milk, after a run in teeny bootie shorts and one of my 17 year old male students yells HEY! That's my English teacher! to his Mom… and I am forced to hide behind fat guy holding beer at Register Eight. Good times.
Anyway, I like Bubbles. It sounds versatile.
Bubbles, huh?
Perfect.
One of my good friends from college was nicknamed Bubbles. She liked being called that outside of school but her boyfriend didn't. What happens at camp stays at camp
Hahaha, awesome. Yeah, the conversation with guy-o-sleaze was gross, but it makes for a fairly amusing post
OK, everything that you're like during all these conversations? Hysterical. Especially "your FACE isn't appropriate for kids." What? I'm juvenile, it's OK.
Any comeback with YOUR FACE is always the best. And I like Bubbles. But mainly for the PowerPuff Girls reference. Because I'm still 5.
I got a rather unfortunate nickname from my softball team that is a nod to a sex move that involves punching a girl in the back of her head while doing her from behind simply. Minds out of the gutters folks, this resulted simply because my first name has like THREE of the same letters and same number of syllables as the word "donkey." Now when I leave work for softball, with PUNCH on my back, they ask me why that's my nickname.
"Uhh… cuz I'm a fighter?"
I got a rather unfortunate nickname from my softball team that is a nod to a sex move that involves punching a girl in the back of her head while doing her from behind. Minds out of the gutters folks, this resulted simply because my first name has like THREE of the same letters and same number of syllables as the word "donkey." Now when I leave work for softball, with PUNCH on my back, they ask me why that's my nickname.
"Uhh… cuz I'm a fighter?"
There is a sex move that involves punching a girl in her head!?
Wow.
Nicole, you are funny and make me want to work at a camp.
Amen.
I would have thought that Bubbles is because you have such a bubbly, happy personality but leave it up to gross old men to take it the wrong way.
If he was wearing flip flops too I would barf.
I like bubbles.. it suits you!
haha LOVE this…. ^_^
do you work at a girl scout camp?? i worked for a girl scout summer day camp for two years, (and was a GS all my freakin' life!), and we chose "camp names" too. Mine was Duchess, because I figured The Queen would just be wayyyy to pretentious. =P
My best friend was Athena at GS camp.
haha yeah my first thought was definitely bubbles from 'zack and miri make a porno.' oh i can't wait for more bubbles stories to come.
OMG we did camp names tooooooooooooo! it's best thing ever! SO MUCH fun…lol I would forget fellow staff members' real names. my camp name was otami. i literally picked it because we passed by a street name that had that and I was all, yeah that works. otami it is!
Is there really any cute-ish nickname that couldn't be taken dirty? 'Cause I'm thinking someone could put a spin on just about anything.
I agree. I always say the English language is so corruptible even innocent movie titles can sound dirty…"The Hunt for Red October", "Free Willy", "The Firm", etc.
You already have me saying eleventy….am I to start saying sleazy mcdoucherson, too?
Oh, Bubbles. These men really are dying to talk to you, and sadly, it is the best they can do. and I love the name, I do. It suits you.
I don't even see how you could be accosted by a pervy old man at Costco for a name like Bubbles. I mean, Candy, maybe, but Bubbles?
My "camp name" was Garberator.
Yeah we didn't get to choose our own. It was awful.
I like Bubbles. I think it's fitting for you–you ARE spunky and cute!
sooooo… bubbles… how you doin'!?!?!!?
LOL