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September 1, 2009

being single, internet stalking, and 2003 vs. 2009

The thing about being single in September of 2009 is that it’s a lot more fucking stressful than, say, September of 2003, when I was also single and just starting my freshman year at NYU.

You know why? Facebook. And Twitter. And the ability to STALK GUYS LIKE A CRAZY PERSON.

Back in 2003, when a “tweet” was the sound a bird made and Facebook was only available to students at the Ivy League level, the worst I could do was try to decipher a guy’s emo ass away message. Are those song lyrics about me? Who the fuck is Stephanie and why is he in her dorm room? They’re having a party? We weren’t invited? Why is he writing in multi-colored font? What kind of man writes in MULTI-COLORED FONT?

You know, the usual angsty questions.

Now though? NOW? It’s all, “Oh shit he updated his status and who’s the blonde in his profile picture and why didn’t he text me back- it’s been 12 MINUTES and hey, look who he’s following on Twitter and why is he using emoticon wink faces on her wall and he’s online but not messaging me and should I message him first and and and and GAH, JUST EMOTICON KILL ME ALREADY BECAUSE SINCE WHEN ARE THERE SO MANY THINGS TO CONSIDER?!”

Which makes me all, “maybe I’ll just start dating girls.” Except, fuck, GIRLS HAVE FACEBOOK TOO.

Posted in: life 2.0, quarter life crisis

{ 59 comments… read them below or add one }

Jamie September 2, 2009 at 6:18 am

Guess what?

I EMOTICON HEART THIS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!

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Baby September 2, 2009 at 7:11 am

hahaha so true!

except this technology can be used to our advantage by doing things like, say, stalking out our guys ex-girlfriends myspace's and feeling super relieved because she's obvioulsy not as pretty/smart/funny as we are, of course.

not saying that I do that or anything…but ya know. you can if you wanna :)

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Ashlez September 2, 2009 at 7:40 am

YES. I so agree. And also? When you first meet someone and they're all lets be facebook friends and i'm like lets not but say that we did and pretended we knew all about that person from looking at some pictures from 2005 when they were really drunk and all over some brunette.

I feel like internet has made our crazies just a whole lot more crazy. But I sure do love it…

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CuppyCakes September 2, 2009 at 10:29 am

Its just as bad when you're IN a relationship, I think. Or maybe that's just me being all crazy and paranoid? Just me? Thought so…

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Josef September 2, 2009 at 11:18 am

I'm not sure what I love more, your rants about technology or post about mom…I've decided I love them equally! You can stalk me anytime…er, except I'm not on facebook:)<3<3<3

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TherapeuticRamblings September 2, 2009 at 11:40 am

FB ha made talking to other people's friends so much easier. You can look them up and know whether or not they will be "that guy" or "that girl". I think my biggest problem with dating is that people my age are married and having a kid, and those who aren't are mostly broken. I'm in my 20's too.

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Paula September 2, 2009 at 11:59 am

Oh my god, so true! Like the guy I THOUGHT I was seeing for the past few months but I haven't actually heard from in a week is still active on facebook and at the moment that's the only way I can keep track of him, since apparently I've been dumped. And I keep looking at his page to see if there's any updates and feeling bad that he can be on facebook but not text me. Grrr. Men.

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Patrick September 2, 2009 at 12:22 pm

You are absolutely dead on with this post- and don't think guys don't do the same thing too!

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doniree September 2, 2009 at 12:26 pm

Remember that time my mom thought you were my girlfriend?

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Nicola September 2, 2009 at 12:40 pm

So true! I'm newly single after a four year relationship, and the whole thing is completely overwhelming now haha!

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justjp September 2, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Wow! It's like that? As a single man, I now know fear…

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MSD September 2, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Love your posts, your energy, your sense of humor! Best of luck on your travels :)

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brookem September 2, 2009 at 2:05 pm

god this is so spot on!
this post, though i wont admit it to him, is why i secretly am glad my manfriend refuses to do facebook.
because i have enough crazy, that he sees on the regular, than to have to decipher why such and such a girl is writing this or that on his wall, etc.

ps- doniree's comment made me laugh!

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erin September 2, 2009 at 2:09 pm

LOVE IT!

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DShan September 2, 2009 at 2:10 pm

You're cute when you're all angst and crushes!

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doniree September 3, 2009 at 4:47 am

Isn't she?!

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Erica September 2, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Good gawd I'm glad I'm married.
I remember chatting on icq with my first boyfriend over 10 years ago (and now I sound old), thank goodness facebook and twitter weren't around then!

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Mara J. September 2, 2009 at 2:31 pm

I think you need to have a drink, a joint and some chill time away from the computer…

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Formica D September 2, 2009 at 2:42 pm

OMG I totally agree. My therapist says that she couldn't have handled breakups if Facebook and Twitter had existed back then. This summer with the worst breakup ever, I have been hating the fact that Twitter and Facebook exist. Yet I just can't quit them…..

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doniree September 3, 2009 at 4:47 am

Seriously, it's like crack.

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Matt September 2, 2009 at 2:53 pm

can I emocon all over your face?

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Slynnro September 2, 2009 at 8:01 am

Temprarily quite grateful to be old enough that this wasn’t a college issue for me.

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Jess September 2, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Honestly, we had all this angst in college too–just fewer sources to divide it across. Those cryptic away messages used to drive me nuts.

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Nelle September 2, 2009 at 3:08 pm

Hahaha, oh God, I wish I could say I don't do this, but that'd be SUCH a lie.

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ToKissTheCook September 2, 2009 at 3:15 pm

I'm thinking we are going to have an awful lot of catching up to do this weekend!!!

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nuttycow September 2, 2009 at 3:33 pm

Ah, and just remember those days before mobiles when you had to sit around by the home phone *waiting* for that call just knowing if you went to go and make a cup of tea, he'd call and you'd miss him.

Dammit.

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Bethany September 2, 2009 at 3:34 pm

I could hug you right now…you have no clue. These thoughts cross my mind on a regular basis.

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Lindsay September 2, 2009 at 3:47 pm

Facebook can be so evil. You end up finding out things you probably shouldn't, like that your ex is dating someone almost ten years younger than he is who looks like a model. Or maybe that's just me . . .

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michelle woo September 2, 2009 at 4:02 pm

I hated trying to decipher Away Messages. He's been idle for 20 minutes! What do you think he's doing!? … Oh, phew, he's back at his computer again.

This post is bloody genius.

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nora September 2, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Ah, could you imagine if we had to deal with all this technology crap while trying to date in high school???? I can't. Dating is hard enough as it is without the plethora of online info available to us at a moment's notice. I know how you feel =)

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MinD September 2, 2009 at 5:03 pm

Fbook/MySpace/Twitter have truly made life and relationships 10x more complicated. Trust me.

I give my boyfriend the "you wrote on her Fbook wall, why can't you write on mine?" Ya. It's lame, and horrible, all at once.

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Becca Faith September 2, 2009 at 5:10 pm

Remember when "cyber-stalking" constituted *69 or reverse-address-look-up with the help of an operator?? Ah, the good old days…

About 20 times a day I tell myself that I'm going to get off of facebook, turn in my iphone, and be a normal person again. It never happens — I'm too scared!! I need a support group…

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lani September 2, 2009 at 6:09 pm

exactly…just imagine if guys kept blogs like we do…… that'd add a whole new dimension to stalking LOL

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LovelyAnomaly September 2, 2009 at 6:37 pm

OHMAGOD YES. Welcome to my world circa March 2009. http://majalisblooms.wordpress.com/2009/03/06/a-d…

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Andrea September 2, 2009 at 6:51 pm
sizzle September 2, 2009 at 8:18 pm

The internet is a real problem. I remember back when I did not have a cell phone or an email account (THAT IS HOW OLD I AM) and dating was hard enough. Now? Fuck it. It's waaaay too easy to make up stories based on status updates and photos.

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Stephanie September 2, 2009 at 9:11 pm

The worst is that now with facebook and the like, people never go away! I can still stalk my ex-boyfriend from 3 years ago who just moved in with his goofy girlfriend, I can find out that this guy i hooked up with once at a party last march just ran a marathon. Things I don't actually care about but now I am flipping through photos because they are THERE IN FRONT OF MY FACE.

It's enough to make a girl move to mongolia.

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wishcake September 2, 2009 at 9:38 pm

It's kind of amazing and ridiculous how quickly social media has EXPLODED in the last several years. I mean, seriously. I remember the good old AIM days – you made me giggle with your thing about the away messages. TOTALLY BEEN THERE.

I hated the movie He's Just Not That Into You, but there is a part in there where they say something about how now there are so many new ways to be dumped. Text, email, facebook, email, etc. Kind of hilariously upsetting, if you ask me.

In any case, you are a gem. And you're a size four. WINNER.

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Angel September 2, 2009 at 10:28 pm

LOL! Those are so many of the dating problems of today. My friends constantly complain about these things and there's no way to work around it. Stalking is so easy!

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katelin September 2, 2009 at 10:35 pm

this totally reminds me of the scene in 'he's just not that into you' and drew's character is like 'i texted him, he emailed me back, then i sent him a facebook message…' etc, it just made me laugh. but yeah the internet is a wily one.

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kileydawn September 2, 2009 at 11:42 pm

thanks love, i am so nervous about the LSAT. :(

and i cannot AGREE MORE with this entry of yours. holy crap. i will be perpetually single I think BECAUSE of the technology age.

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Megan Deasy September 3, 2009 at 12:22 am

i wrote a similar post to this about dating and facebook a few weeks back. even worse than dating with facebook is breaking up.

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Stefanie September 3, 2009 at 1:16 am

You are so funny. I love it. Or that quiz he took on Facebook "which color crayon are you?"… you took it too and got the same color as him. MAYBE IT'S A SIGN! :)

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carlyallgood September 3, 2009 at 1:25 am

YOU'RE SINGLE? wtf nicole?!

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Amanda September 3, 2009 at 2:13 am

hahahaha…. so freakin true! Sometimes I miss the pre-Google and social media days. Sometimes.

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Amy September 3, 2009 at 4:06 am

Dude, I KNOW. When my current bf and I got together, I analyzed ever SuperPoke and wall message. Thank god my bf doesn't Tweet.

Um, but if you do start dating girls…uh, let me know. Half kidding. Ahem.

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floreta September 3, 2009 at 6:50 am

hahahah we are all 21st century fucked

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laura September 3, 2009 at 7:52 am

Haha, love it! We're no longer sitting by the phone waiting, because it pretty much follows us around.
Not to mention the fact that any bad photos need to be untagged, pronto, when a crush adds you on FB….

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Matt September 3, 2009 at 12:38 pm

be wary of guys who use emoticons.

be very wary.

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cleveland's a plum September 3, 2009 at 1:02 pm

GAWD. this is spot on.

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Amber September 3, 2009 at 2:28 pm

LOL! I am feeling the same way about Facebook lately. It seems to do more harm than good!

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Cafe Observer September 3, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Yeah, I see you as a ball of love & just wanting to be in love, so dating your fellow girl friends would make sense. Good luck.

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Peter September 3, 2009 at 5:39 pm

I'm horribly self-absorbed, so I barely notice what other people are doing.

It's quite nice, really.

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Crystal September 4, 2009 at 12:43 am

thumb up. **crystal likes this**

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Andrea September 4, 2009 at 2:32 am

I am dedicating a post to this post. Look out for it. My life is a fucking tragi-comedy.

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E.P. September 4, 2009 at 2:53 am

So freaking true, and kind of sad, at the same time. Why does technology have to complicate everything?

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Jenny Jen jen September 4, 2009 at 4:43 am

Um HELLOOO…his hotness needs ME to read his book- so clearly. I think he's searching the world for me secretly-LOL you are so funny girly.. loves it!

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Jill Pilgrim September 4, 2009 at 2:22 pm

You can date me. I don't have Facebook. I am married however, but really that just makes things more interesting.

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Gina September 5, 2009 at 2:09 am

Oh my god, I know what you mean! I am guilty of the "He's on g-chat, so why isn't he messaging me?" and "Who is that hussy who keeps commenting on his wall?"

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