A big part of what I’m doing by being a nomad is city shopping. As I slowly move across the country, I realize that I’m searching for my perfect fit, my next home, my real geographic love affair.
In 24 years, New York City is the only place that’s ever really gotten under my skin. In no small way, it’s the epicenter of the world. The air is different here, there’s something full about it, something that makes you believe that the very next moment could be the best or worst of your life.
But with that comes the fact that it’s extremes. It’s Monday and it’s deliciously crisp and pure autumn and you’re in Central Park, drinking apple cider, wearing your favorite brown suede boots, high off the energy of millions of other people- but then it’s Tuesday and it’s pouring and the subway never comes and you’re surrounded by strangers who stare through each other with dull eyes, who move with the pulse of the city, crashing into each other without ever touching, and you’re alone in a profound way.
As a person who constantly struggles to find the middle ground, NYC is a rough place for me. I believe the famous line, the idea that “if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere,” and I know that I could. Make it here, I mean. But I’d have to shut down to do so. I’d have to somehow learn to move my emotions deeper, to not let them scream quite so close to the surface, and I’m not willing to do that.
So I’m moving on later this week, heading to DC and Phoenix and San Francisco, and I’m doing so happily. I saw the people I came here to see, ate the things I came here to eat, and learned that ultimately, figuring out what you don’t want is just as important as finding what you do.
Posted in: day to day shenanigans, girl gone nomad
{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
Your last line is so unbelievably true. It's by crossing things off your list that you are finally able to circle the one thing you want. I've also found it true that, in my experience, there is no perfect place. There are great things and horribly annoying things about every location. It's like with people – you just have to find the one whose flaws you love or whose good side can help you deal with the bad.
And, selfishly, I hope that location is within driving distance to me
I live in NYC and I think you've described it perfectly.
I did the city shopping thing in Canada a couple years ago. I ended up loving Montreal and Victoria, and applied to schools in both cities and said that whoever responded first was where I would go. It was kind of fun, just leaving it up to someone else.
I went on a city shopping spree before, and NYC just grabbed my heart. So much so that I met a guy in NYC and fell in love and got married (classic City Hall). My love affair with New York is everlasting. Our marriage was not. I'm now happily married and settled with 1 daughter (another coming along in March) in Toronto, Canada. Hurrah for life choices! You seems to know yours
I loved this post. I sort of feel the same exact way about NYC. I love reading about your adventures and I hope you find your perfect place!
This was beautiful. I think we all wonder if we could "make it" in New York and be happy in the process. Your lucky to have that answer and know how to move forward.
I've never been to NYC, but it fascinates me and terrifies me at the same time. Love this post.
i feel you on this. i don't think i could move back to new york for similar reasons. but it's still one of my favorite places on earth, and i'm satisfied now being just 2 hrs away. san francisco would probably be a good fit for you. i honestly think the bay area is where i was meant to be. whyyy is it 3,000 miles from my family??!! let me know your feelings on sf after you spend more time there
Totally agree- I hope your next stops are just as revealing!
Can't wait to read about DC! I just marked 3 yeras here and it's only just recently starting to feel like home.
NYC feels like a person to me, beautifully unique and perfectly flawed. I love it there and can’t wait to go back. Nicole, in so many ways I’ve learned from your writing and I’ve consciously attempted to incorporated much of your art into my mine, never compromising who I am, but taking everything I can from what you give.
Boooo HISSSSS!!! I am so bummed I'm going to miss you this weekend!!
love me some nyc. but i very much believe in the line in that "sunscreen" song (the one that was super popular at graduations a few years back?) that says "live in NYC but leave before it makes you hard." twss. and i also believe that you should "live in california but leave before it makes you soft." twss. ahem. anyway. i would like to live in both. but leave before anything bad happened amen.
I've never done any city shopping and I so admire this journey for you because of it (and 1000 other reasons). I love where I live, but that is more because of the incredible friends I couldn't imagine NOT having coffee with on a Thursday, watching football with on a Sunday, or any of the fun "you could never plan them" other days we have. Where ever you end up, the city will be lucky to have you. So, enjoy your journey and just wait for that imperfectly perfect fit for you!
Struggling to find the middle ground is a problem for any creative mind. I think your awareness of it is a great accomplishment.
Also, GREAT last line…and it applies to "where to call home", relationships, and friendships alike!!
I loathe NYC. It's loud, it's dirty, it's pretentious. I've never had any desire to live there. DC on the other hand…my FAVORITE city. I absolutely love it. The history, the culture, the architecture….I know it's also loud and busy, but there's something completely different about it. And San Francisco, well, I'd be really surprised if you don't fall in love with it instantly. Have fun!
I LOVED New York! I was only there for three days, so I didn't get to see a whole lot, but the whole city was thriving with this RHYTHM! It was phenomenal, really it was. Can't wait to go back
I wish we could have added Boston to that list, but we'll make it happen
Have fun with in DC and tell my new lovers I said hi!
the one with all the scallion pancakes!
I'm planning my first solo trip and I'm scared that I won't meet anyone and will be awkward and alone for the whole trip. Advice?
I had the same feelings about NYC. I thought I wanted to live there, but after I went on an interview there for my first job, I opted to work in the Chicago office. There's a different kind of intensity there around both work and fun. It wasn't quite me (but I love to visit).
(wow, aside from being really funny and witty, you're also an extremely talented writer.) i love your description of nyc and i hope you find what you're looking for!
I do love NYC and the energy but I think after a while I would burn out, but the fall day you mentioned, sounds like heaven. Looking forward to the next round of adventures
Every day I continue to be more and more proud of you. GO GET 'EM GIRLFRIEND. AH, Love you. SO much.
I totally romanticize city shopping, especially after watching "Away We go". Except I already know all the places I want to live. (San Francisco? Call me.) I just can't live there. Instead, I am moving somewhere potentially boring for a year for professional reasons. So, yes, colour me jealous!
You've got NYC and what it's all about down. It's a bittersweet city.
I love the last line. I feel like it can be such a huge stress trying to figure out exactly what it is you want- what job you want to have, where you want to live- and saying "okay, well, I KNOW I don't want to do that or live there" is a quick way to make the decision a little less harder for yourself.
Can't wait to hear about the next few destinations.
I am the biggest New York supporter I know, but I also know how crushing it can be. It helps to discover new things about it as I have in the past year. I recently learned of an E.B. White quote about the Big Apple:
There are roughly three New Yorks. There is, first, the New York of the man or woman who was born here, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size and its turbulence as natural and inevitable. Second, there is the New York of the commuter — the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. Third, there is the New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something.
…Commuters give the city its tidal restlessness; natives give it solidity and continuity; but the settlers give it passion. "
— E.B. White (Here is New York)
P.S. I did live in San Francisco before moving to New York and could see myself living there again.
P.P.S. Apparently this quote is in danger of being overused lately.
For someone that's constantly on the move, I might've gotten tired of this nomadic life. But the problem now? Figuring out where I really want to be.
And so I just wanted to tell you, that I really loved that you wrote this. Even more so that you managed to put so much truth into that last line. Thank you.
Love NYC. Have a safe trip. You'll love Phoenix!
Figuring out what I don't want is always what I do no matter what the situation.
Once I know that I don't want red meat for dinner, I don't want to be a nurse, I don't want to have to babysit my significant other every time we go out….then I can more easily put together the peices of the puzzle of "What I Want"
I do know that I would like to spend a good length of time in NYC. Eventually.
Amen, sister. Figuring out what you don't want IS just as important as what you do want because it puts you on step closer to the "ah-ha!" moment. I haven't been to NYC since 2002 and I miss it. I miss the pulse of the city. I miss the stores, the people, the food, my family who lives there, the joy, the tragedy. I miss it all. I always thought I'd move there and live there and just be but so far, it hasn't happened… maybe some day!?
it must be thrilling to try all these different cities out for size.
shoot, did you skip boston, or did i miss you?
Good for you! Don't forget to make your way to Texas at some point! Though if you like "seasons" it's probably not the place for you permanently
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I didn't like NYC. I've been there a few times now, and this last time I went really turned me off to it. I like quiet towns, not cities and definitely not busy ones. I like to be in a place I feel welcome, not where I feel rushed. I was pretty much on red alert the whole time I was in NYC this summer.
Maybe you only visited Manhattan or Brooklyn? Sometimes visitors only get scheduled to visit the loud rushed parts. There are quiet places but you have to seek those out.
What happened to New Orleans? How come I never got my fucking update email from you? Explain yourself.
I miss NYC with almost every fiber of my being (exception being the grocery shopping fiber). It's strange. I guess I just miss the PULSE and the PEOPLE and the freedom to do whatever the hell you want because you will never, ever be the most outrageous person. Every other city just seems so BORING in comparison – DC, Boston, Chicago – none of them seem to fill me up the way NYC did.
I still have a bit of city shopping to do, but I really think I might end up right back in NYC. Time will tell.
ENJOY SAN FRAN. I am jealous!
So, so true. It's not about what works, it's about finding what doesn't work… and what you can't live without.
Trader Joe's might be on my list of what I can't live without. Thank God I'm moving even closer to one.
Love and miss you, fabulous lady!
oh yay for DC, can't wait to hear about what adventures are there for you next.
ps. i saw that deal with southwest last week and i totally thought of you, please tell me you bought a ticket to some random place
I've only ever visited NYC – many times, growing up only two hours away – but I see exactly what you mean. It's an amazing place and I could love living there, but I'm nervous that taking that chance would mean giving up much more. Is it really worth it???
NYC ages people. It has a lot to offer, but it takes it's 10% in the deal.
Ok, so just know that even after you have lived in NYC for 8 years that whole bittersweet thing never goes away. Believe me, I know…oh lord, I KNOW!
Great great post. Awesome awesome blog.
-Sarah
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