Quitting your job is sort of like doing drugs.
The day I put in my two weeks, I was higher than high on the “oh my GOD I actually just did that!” feeling that comes with flexing one’s big brazen cojones.
But, as with drugs, the feeling quickly wore off and I realized that between the putting in of the two weeks and the leaving of the job, there’s the part where you actually have to work the two weeks. And those two weeks must scientifically be the longest two weeks in the history of weeks.
Ever.
Because at that point you’re done, you’re checked out, you’re onto bigger things and better things and every other job quitting cliche that’s obviously cliche for a reason. So in your head, you’re done. Except that you’re not. You’re still stocking shelves and answering phones, you’re still ringing people up and handing out samples, you’re still the go-to knife expert, and you’re still dealing with the ridiculous retail crazies who, you’ve determined, only come into the store when you’re the manager on duty.
So yes, this is an official farewell to the Retail Crazies.
Best of luck to whoever has to deal with your “I received this from my sister and don’t want it and need you to gift wrap it for me so that I can re-gift it” shenanigans now that I’m gone. Hopefully they’ll be more patient and less eye-rolley than I was, and hopefully they are better prepared to handle your “this item is still full of food from when I used it this morning, but I’m going to return it in this condition anyway”-ness. Not to mention your “I disagree with the price of this cookbook and am not leaving until you charge me my price of choice” fiasco. And of course, my favorite, your “I’m going to fill my pockets with free samples of chocolate chunk cookies and then yell at you for watching me do it” ordeal.
Retail: it’s been quite a daunting and absurd experience. I’ll probably miss it a little bit, once I’ve moved into the place where memory erases the bad and shines a spotlight on the good, and then who knows, I might come back. Because it’s pretty damn hard to resist the temptation of a 40% discount. Even when that discount is earned by wiping dog feces off the floor after an “oops, I tracked this in with my dirty shoes but isn’t cleaning it off, like, your job?” encounter.
Posted in: day to day shenanigans
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
The retail crazies are unlike any other!
Wow. I pray that you never return to this retail job ever again. Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem like it’s worth the 40 percent mark down. Are you going to do anything mischievous before you leave?
Leaving a job is always kind of like that, I think. The only exception is if you have some sort of project to finish before you go. Then it’s a mad dash to the finish line. I’m not sure which is worse.
Been there, done that! I know what you mean, the last two weeks are so surreal yet relieving. Somedays it just feels like it’s not worth it, glad you are moving on to bigger and better things!
Love love love ya!
I did 5 years at Saks Fifth Avenue. Talk about crazies. Holy crap I could tell you stories. Some designer was wearing a micro mini with no underwear, crazy cosmetics girls chasing ever celebrity that came in and distraught political ex-wives that decided I should be their confidant. Ya, I don’t miss them either.
I don’t think I’d ever be able to return to retail, no matter what the discounts are like. Ugh. But, lets hope that this new chapter you’re starting will be too fulfilling for you to consider turning back!
Good for you. Retail is fucking terrible.
I remember quitting retail. The funny thing is I still shop at the last grocery store I worked at…and once in a while, they’ll ask me “Are you coming back?” to hear my “Oh my god no.”
Yes, quitting is such a high. And slogging through till your last day is, well, slogging through. And the awesome thing is that you’re awesome, so anytime you need to/want to dabble for the 40%, you know you can.
Chocolate chunk cookies are delicious.
CONGRATS MY LOVE!!
I can totally sympathize with this post. I worked in retail for more years than I’m willing to admit to, and I wasn’t in the least bit sorry to kiss it goodbye. I remember dealing customer-related ridiculousness, and wondering “Did you seriously just ask me that?”. I’m sure the discount was sweet, but the happiness you’ll feel from doing something else makes it totally worth the sacrifice. Any idea what you want to do next?
Congrats on getting out. And trust me, the nostalgia rarely hits hard enough to consider going back.
A couple centuries ago I worked retail and was glad to bid it farewell to move on to bigger and better things. Now I’d give my right nut to go back. Oh wait, I gave that nut to leave retail. I guess I’d give my left one to go back. That is if I had nuts. So maybe I should say I’d give my left boob or ovarie or something! Good luck to you in your new adventure.
I spent my 18th birthday working at Old Navy. I was supposed to get off early that day to go to dinner with my family at the restaurant that I also worked at. The went by slow as usual, and as I was getting ready to leave–literally I was walking to the back room I smelled something–something not so yummy. I had been working in the fitting rooms which are next to the bathroom so I figured someone had just took a massive dump and didn’t flush or something, so I went to the bathroom and flushed all the toilets. Came out and it was stronger than before. So I looked in all the fitting rooms (all 36) thinking someone had left a diaper or something–people are gross. I got down about half way, and there was a mom and a 4 year old in the fitting room, all I could hear was, hurry up lets go. As they left, I looked in the corner and there was a HUGE pile of crap. I was appalled.
So now that I told you the most disgusting story of my retail career, I wish you luck! You’ll probably want to go back–but if/when you do, you’ll realize that you were wrong and you’ll quit again. That’s what I did on and off for 3 years.
Oooooh, I know how that is. If you think two weeks is bad… try over six months. I decided I was going to move back East over the summer, but couldn’t afford to get out of my lease early. So I had to stay until my lease is up… at the end of March. Ugh. I’m so over being here and in the job I’m in right now.
At least it’s not retail though!
i’ve never worked in retail, but your blog stories definitely made me never want to, haha. farewell crazies!
its a celebration, bitches!
cue two double fist pumps and a touchdown dance.
No more crazies for you! Congratulations!
Ohh don’t worry you’re on to bigger and better things! I remember when I left Ann Taylor, I was WAY too excited at first, but now I get sad everything I walk into one, cos I feel like I deserve the discount still!! I don’t get sad when I move a bunch of sweaters around and realize I don’t have to fold them all over again
enjoy your retail-less schedule
Yay! You’re done! So knife-expert, huh? Any fairly good quality knives that aren’t going to break the bank for me? I don’t need 20 different knives when I could probably get by with 4 or 5 (it’s worked up til now)… but I want some good ones.
I can’t believe there are people, like the ones you talked about, out there. Makes me glad that I’ve never worked retail. But food service is just as bad sometimes. “Yes, I know you want a booth and there’s an empty one right there but it hasn’t been clean but, oh, you’re just going to stand in the middle of the aisle blocking traffic while I clear the table for you and then get yelled at by my boss because I was cleaning and not seating the people in the crowded doorway? Great.”
first things first. your blog design = awesomeness. i don’t actually know how long it’s been like such since i’ve been so out of it…but still…LOVES!
second. i think the call centre crazies can give the retail crazies a true run for their money. but what you described? is precisely how i felt quitting my last job!
My theory is that those people have never, ever, ever worked a service job in their life. I got infinitely more patient by virtue of working customer service.
yay!
i totally know the people you are talking about.
“I’d like to return this sandwich, it is disgusting.”
“Well ma’am, it’s 7/8ths eaten, we can’t take it back.”
(much yelling and complaining ensues)
congratulations on getting out!!
Lol. I quit my job that I was working out while at school when I graduated, because I thought I could easily get another job with my new degree. What a foolish idea that was (I am a sociology major for crying out loud!). Anyway, so, now I am, against my wishes, in retail, waiting for grad-school or teach for America–which ever comes first. But, working retail, my god, yes the 40 percent discount is enticing, but it isn’t even the customers that make it so hard, I love selling designer jeans to people. What makes retail so unbearable to me, is the management. I’m like, okay, I get it, you just got in the new MissMe jeans, I’m sorry I don’t feel like doing back-flips about it. Just give me the damn jeans to I can sell them. I like your blog, great writing!
Hooray for you! My only fear about quitting my job was that I would regret it. While I do miss having a steady paycheck, I have not for a single second regret quitting (even with the gasps about quitting in “this recession.”) I do not miss the hell I used to feel or being stuck in a cubicle for 13 hours a day. I think most jobs are just temporary learning experiences. You come in, learn something new, and then move on… Here’s hoping we both move on to much bigger and better things.