It started out as two different trips that were to take place side by side. James Bond would fly to his hometown of Denver for 10 days to visit his family and friends, and I would fly to Denver for the last four days of his trip to visit my friends. We’d be in his city, but on our own terms, and we’d be able to fly back to San Francisco together.
That was phase one. But our relationship evolved and all of the sudden we were in phase two, where we’d be in his city and we’d be on our own terms but we’d also allow for overlap – he’d meet my friends, I’d meet his. And then came phase three, where in addition to the meeting of each other’s friends, there would also be the having dinner with his mother.
I reacted calmly. Which is to say that in a dictionary where “reacting calmly” translates to “freaking the fuck out,” I reacted very calmly, thinking rational things like, “What if she shakes my hand and senses that I write about my vagina on the internet?!”
And then there was the picking of the outfit. “It’s going to be too hot for long sleeves!” I yelled to Jamie. She asked why I needed to wear long sleeves. “The wrist tattoos! What if she hates the wrist tattoos!”
Two days before my flight: Reacting. Very. Calmly. Indeed.
But then the phone call came and all of the sudden we were in phase four, the phase where he was getting rushed into emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix and I was spending whatever I had to spend to get to Denver on the next available flight.
In the five hours that passed between that phone call and the one telling me that he was out of surgery and in recovery, I realized two things.
Thing one is that you really don’t know how deeply you’re in the hole of I’m-unlimited-crazy-about-him until you look up and see that ground level is thundering light-years above your head.
Thing two is that the tattoo crisis and the insecurities don’t matter. The wondering what to talk about over dinner doesn’t matter. Showing up at the hospital makeup-free and altitude-sick with tattooed wrist in full display – none of it matters.
What matters is spending more than 80 hours at the hospital and getting the chance to join an overwhelmingly wonderful group of people in taking care of the person you all can’t stop caring about. What matters is that he says yes to my wrist tattoos and yes to me writing about my vagina on the internet and yes to me as I am, even if it’s challenging.
What matters is that I found someone to give that card to, the one I bought in Arizona last August and promised myself I’d save until I meant the words on the front:
“I’m not sure,” she said, “at what point it is advisable to admit to liking you a great deal more than I planned.”
**
Update – James Bond, who’s still in Denver and just got out of the hospital, emailed and asked me to include his insanely lovely response to this post:
Cramped in my bed, graciously accepting another visitor, Nicole and I exchange looks. With a look I feel her unspoken sympathy, and I express thanks adding, I will add details later. At certain points I was done and Nicole filled in. She so sweetly and adeptly took over in ways not easily understood.
One of my best friends asked me, so what is the moral, what is the bigger picture. I actually, being known for a bit of verbosity, responded simply, “…. I could not prepare for what happened. Each day provides for different circumstances. It doesn’t help to worry about yet unknown factors. And it really helps to have a partner [looking to Nicole as my co-conspirator].”
As James Bond, I must maintain a certain amount of independence. Right? Well I would happily trade the golden gun, access to SPECTRE, all the Aston Martins, and other gadgets (even including the jet pack) for Nicole to continue taking me on.
**
::heart explodes::
Posted in: hey look, i have feelings!, james bond, love & naked stuff
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This makes me melt and melt and melt and I’m so happy for you. Except not for the hospital part because that’s not happy. But for all the emotions and happiness part, YES.
Goosebumps. On so many levels, and for so many reasons. I’m proud of you. For making your way into and through those phases not only staying true to the integrity that is being all of who you are, but with the openness that allows him to be the same. Now, come back so that we all DO get to do that whole meeting each other thing
i adore this post. i am so glad you found someone that fits and loves you. every time i see things like that, it really gives me the strength to keep hoping that i will find the person that i feel that way about. congrats and glad hes better.
i’m glad he’s okay.
you rock. like, really. i love this.
It’s amazing how things shift so quickly when you’re confronted with what matters, how all those fears dissolve in the scary moments. I’m glad James Bond is okay and that you got to be there for him in those moments.
YAY!!! I’m super excited for you
Can’t wait to hear more about this boy!
Amazing, wonderful post. It’s so refreshing to read you opening up about this new-ish development. Bravo, lady. Bravo!
I’m glad you found a guy that you truly care about and cares about you. There are certainly a serious lack of them in the world.
Love this. Like really really love this.
First of all, OMG I’m so glad he’s ok!!! And what a gem you are for rushing to be with him when he was in the hospital.
It makes me SQUEEEEE out loud to hear (see?) you talk about all this mushiness. LOVE IT!! MISS YOU!!
Ahh this hit so close to home with me. I’m feeling all of these things right now and I’m so confused/happy/can’t even put it into words.. But you did a fine job of it! I’m happy you’re happy!
Aw, kid, that was quite sweet, now wasn’t it? As you know I’m happy he’s doing well, and now possibly has a sweet scar to walk around with.
It’s a good thing you gave him such an awesome nickname, cuz it sounds like he may be stickin’ around:) When can we call you via any of the female characters in Bond movies, who conveniently are all named some variation on vagina?
Awww…..how unbelievably sweet and endearing. *High Fives* for wrist tattoos, vagina’s and “James Bond” being OK. (Especially vagina’s!!)
dawwwwww
Perfect.
I love you.
This is the best thing I’ve read on the Internet in weeks. Especially this: “Thing one is that you really dont know how deeply youre in the hole of Im-unlimited-crazy-about-him until you look up and see that ground level is thundering light-years above your head.”
Brilliant and beautiful.
Someone recently told me that they’d rather read a column about someone who was searching for something real and found it than someone who was (as they put it) a “complete dating disaster shitshow.” I inferred that I was bridging on the latter. Now working towards the former.
I hadn’t realized that I might truly agree until jsut reading this. I’m glad James Bond is ok, I’m glad you were able to make it out there, I’m glad that he likes you wrist tattoos and all, I’m glad that none of that even mattered in the grand scheme of things, and I’m most glad that you have someone to give your heart…ermm…card to.
This post made me ridiculously happy. And very very glad.
I LOVE this post! Thank goodness Bond is OK and kudos to him for being worthy of THE CARD!
Even though I enjoy your humorous vagina tales, personally I like it better when you write like this. While it may not be silly, its real and honest. And something I can definitely relate towhereas having a vagina I cant actually relate to.
I had a ruptured appendix scare about 2 months ago, so I know how scary that can be. And Im glad he made it through ok.
Its true that you really discover how you feel about someone and how someone really feels about you when a medical emergency strikes (or any small tragedy for that matter). How you react when someone you care about is in pain or in trouble says a lot about who you are as a person and what your relationship is made of. React with compassion, understanding and supportand your character will shine through and your relationship will only grow stronger. React with anger, feel inconvenienced and just dont careand needless to say they will begin questioning everything they once believed to be true about you and the relationship.
They say true friendship (and love) isn’t about being there when it’s convenient; it’s about being there when it’s not. Its when superficial things like the appearance of wrist tattoos being frowned upon play little to no importance in the great scheme of things.
If I was his mother, I would give a crap about your wrist tattoos. Short sleeves or not, they wouldnt stand out to me. What would stand out is that you were by his side when he needed you, without hesitation and without complaint. You reacted with compassion, understanding and support. Its all any guy could ask for. Youre an A+ girlfriend and hes lucky to have you.
You are entitled to have found someone fun who you can love and still be you. You have a real gift with words.
I mean, this is perfect. and also- I selfishly enjoyed having you with more longer than planned, under the shitty circumstances- but like we talked about all weekend…there was a reason for all of this grand stuff and it sounds like that card says it all. ;0) miss you sister.
Most of the time you make me laugh until soda comes out my nose.
This was just lovely. Hope that James Bond continues recovering, and can’t wait to hear more from this particular adventure.
I like that his name is ‘James Bond’. I like the way your head works and I like the way your heart works.
Sigh. So, so true. And beautiful.
…I mean, not the ruptured appendix. That’s sucky. But the story…the emotions…beautiful.
Of course he loves you expecially after sitting bedside with him, vagina, tattoos and all!
I am SO happy that you found someone who appreciates all the amazing, crazy, vagina-writing aspects of you. You deserve it!
And I know what you mean about being surprised by depth of feelings, as I’m constantly surprised by how much like like Adorable Teacher Boy, especially as he is currently away for two weeks, and I’m going fucking nuts.
*hugs*
The air always smells sweetest after a giant storm.
Aww, that’s sweet.
I have that card and a person to give it to. HOORAY!
Glad he’s okay and that the wrist tattoos weren’t a problem.
I’m so glad that James Bond is okay, and girl, if he didn’t like you/love you for your wrist tattoos and all, I think I speak for the internet who loves you when I say that he wouldn’t be worthy.
The last paragraph made me totally melt. Over the moon giddy for you
Yes.
How do you know when it’s right? When it feels like that. When it seems impossible to do anything else.
Congratulations.
Wooohooo!!! So so so so so happy for you! You deserve it. Reading this gave me goosebumps.
Bad. Ass. Post.
I won’t even make you feel guilty about not giving that card to me.
Oh my god you’re adorable. I mean, I just want to squeeze you really hard right now. His mom will love you because you make him happy and you’re a good person. That’s what matters
OMG, This just makes me want to hug you.
This was such a lovely post. I’m so happy for you
All the best.
P.S. The vag talk is totally jokes. You are so hilar
Smiles. Just a whole shitload of smiles.
Nicole baby, your growing up. Its ok. All of your fun an crazies will still be there. But things are going to be different. You one of my fav web girlz and I think that it gonna be fine for you. You just have to understand that your heart is your guide. Nothing else. Follow your heart and you will pay the price, but the price of love is always the same it only differs in magnitude in the relation to the volume of time you love.
I told my sweetie right up front. You WILL pay the price for loving me fully and unconditionally. And you WILL pay it in full. It doesn’t matter if its 6 months from now and you realize you made a mistake, or if its when i’m 85 or 100 at my bedside as i close my eyes. You Will pay in full. And I told her I was telling her this truth because I knew it. And I already had decided I was going to pay the price for her.
That my dear, is wisdom learned by paying the price. I wish you well, and I expect for you to kick this reality binge, and get back to the funny vagina stuff. If you need an uncle mike to talk you through some of these things, speak up. your more than welcome. we can talk.
love totally sneaks up on you.
true story.
That’s love. Or, you know, serious like. I’m glad he’s okay, and just as glad that you’re on this journey with him.
Dude. Heart exploding by association. So so glad he’s on the mend.
To this I say: HELLS YES! Congrats lady friend, you so totally deserve this! My heart is exploding for you
Now I’m all sappy and want to go out and find my own wounded warrior! ::sap sap sap::
Yep. Obsessed.
um say what!? james bond. win. seriously just win.
and glad he’s better and you’re so darn cute and smitten and i love it.
also. let’s hang out and play again.
OK Thank you. It is 9am on an f-ing WEDNESDAY, I am sitting in my 4X4 cubicle, not even on to coffee number two and I have tears in my eyes!
SO happy for you! Happy you finally got to give the card and happy that you have finally gotten to this place!
Yes. Perfect. YAY!!
You go from talking about bedazzling vajayjays to this….talk about range! It sounds like you found something/someone special. I don’t have any stellar words of advice about relationships other than to enjoy the little things.
Do you know the part in Ghostbusters where they weren’t supposed to cross the photon streams but did? This is like crossing the streams and coming up with something awesome! A cross between the blog life and real life–can I have some more please? My heart sploded, too and I’m glad you are both okay.
This post was awesometown. And useful to know wrist tattoos go further than the food industry. They go towards love.
Where to begin?!?!?!!!! AH! Okay, I love love love everything you write because its amazing and you’re hilarious – but every once in awhile I wonder if you are just on your own level so far beyond everyone else that its hard to imagine you as a real person?? Anyway, this total reminds me that you are a real person and you have to work through stuff as it happens and as life happens and I love how you are doing it. This is beautifully written and reads perfectly! You always know which details to include!!
“Showing up at the hospital makeup-free and altitude-sick with tattooed wrist in full display none of it matters.”
LOVE.
His response! Oh! His response. I melt. And when do I get to meet this dashing suitor?
Only you could make a post that includes vagina talk so beautiful and sincere. I LOVED this post.
My bestie and I wandered into a little stationery store called Ephemera today and came across that very card. We recognized it immediately.
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