deliciously vulgar
From the monthly archives:
A few weeks ago, the kickass people at AdultSexToys.com sent me a Clone-A-Pussy kit so that I could make a chocolate replica of my vagina. It’s things like this that make it really weird to date me because I call at noon on a Tuesday and I’m all, “Would you like to come over for [...]
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A few months ago, my mother called to tell me that she had gotten a ticket for running a red light. “They caught me!” she screamed into the phone. “Well,” I told her, “maybe you shouldn’t drive like an asshole.” “It doesn’t matter because they caught me on that camera thing with the radar and [...]
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Once upon a time, a company called Savvy Avenue asked Jamie and I if we wanted to take a free introductory fire dancing class here in San Francisco and what I heard, because I’m all over the place and therefore not the world’s best listener, was “Free!” and “Fire!” and I was like, “Yeah, I [...]
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Sometimes I hate things. Like broccoli. And scented deodorant. And horror movies. And forgetting to buy toilet paper before I run out of toilet paper which means I’m forced to choose between using a really rough paper towel that makes my vagina angry or those tiny little cotton squares we have for makeup removal that [...]
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So I’m sick. And exhausted. And full of self pity. And also I’m hungover because $10 for unlimited mimosas at noon on a Sunday is one of those things you can file under, “Well, it seemed like a fun idea at the time” and yeah it totally was fun, until it wasn’t, and now Monday [...]
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