deliciously vulgar
From the monthly archives:
So last week, my 106 year old male gynecologist put me on a new kind of birth control pill. Because the kind I was on before was costing me $62 a month. Which, granted, is cheaper than having a fucking baby- but STILL. $62 a month? That’s over 50 packs of gum. Or 10 shots [...]
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Sometimes, I wonder why I’m such a fucking asshat. Why I think it’s a perfectly great idea to book flights at absurd times. Flights that leave at 6am are NOT OKAY, especially for an insomniac, because a 6am flight means getting up at 4am, and 4am is basically my BED TIME. Flights that get in [...]
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Remember how I don’t own a bed? And therefore sleep on an air mattress on the floor? Yeah, about that. I went to inflate the damn thing the other day and apparently, the motor is broken. Is it even called a motor? Fuck, I don’t know, the thing that puts the air in the air [...]
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I woke up on Thursday morning with raging strep throat. When you get strep approximately four times per year, you get pretty great at recognizing it and immediately dragging yourself to Urgent Care. I arrived and went through the all-too-familiar process: sign in, wait, attempt to not pass out, get called back, step on the [...]
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I have a client who lives in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Calabasas. Like, stupid nice. Like, “sure you can have my kidney in exchange for a playdate in this backyard” nice. Maybe even “will trade sex for rent” nice. Maybe. Anyway, you know who else just moved into this gated community? Britney Spears. [...]
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